The Kiss

An attempt at a sonnet which is not easy at all as I thought. Though to be honest I knew it would be difficult.

The Kiss

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."- William Shakespeare

My love gave to me a heart-rending kiss,

its meaning such a mystery to me.

I'm but a man who'd truly be remiss,

to know the heart of one that cares for thee.

Is it touch; which elicit emotions?

Or passioned breath; that leads me to ponder?

Or action in defining devotions?

Tis brooding lips, I often do wonder?

Nay, eyes reveal our deepest enigmas.

 imperfect bodies entwined to impress.

Remove all doubt and insecure stigmas 

To raise spirits aloft above distress.

But in the end, I'm but a simple man.

a woman's heart I'll never understand.

Author's Note

Thank you for taking the time to read and if moved leave a comment. I welcome all comments and thoughts, even from trolls, but mostly from friends.

Reviews

[Laz K.]

Sonnets are indeed restrictive in terms of formal requirements. However, you managed to pull it off almost perfectly. You have a suitable topic,14 lines, and the rhyme scheme. However, English sonnets typically follow a certain rhythmic pattern called iambic pentameter. That means 10 syllables per line.

It's amazing how much there's to say about love. It's a mystery we can never fully comprehend.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Laz, for your comment and insight on Sonnets. Oh the dreaded syllables strike me again. I struggled with them in senryu and now Sonnets. Back to the drawing board. Thank you so much I truly appreciate your insight on this art form of poetry. I am more comfortable in short story writing then poetry. I take writing poetry as a challenge to improve and better my overall style. Even in my mature age I continue this journey of education which brings me to a better understanding of self. Thank you again, my friend, for your thoughts and assistance.

[Fran Marie]

yay I say; 'tis a lovely sonnet you have
composed here Carlos both in form
and content.love the old world language
used within ..i use it a lot when I write
my sonnets..put an added tone to sonnet
writings IMO..nice work here

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Fran for your thoughts. It's my first attempt at a sonnet which is a difficult and tricky art form unto itself. Though I didn't quite land on the iambic pentameter rule it was an enjoyable experience. Even in our failure we can create nice art from it. Thank you so much again for your thoughts.

[Fran Marie]

you're welcome..
A great first try at sonnets
they're not the easiest form
to write and sestinas are even more difficult..

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Oh now I'm going to have to look into sestinas, tank you for sharing your thoughts and love for poetry.

[Fran Marie]

haha okay that's good
There's so many different forms to try and good luck on all you do try..

[bianca]

"My love gave to me a heart-rending kiss,
its meaning such a mystery to me."

Those words made me want to read more from your poem. Mistery, love. Such an amazing combination, sweet and full of sparkles like a glass of expensive sparkling champagne. Your writing is incredible and I really appreciate the fact that you showed us your passion for poems. *B

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Bianca for your kind words and nice comment. You picked up the most important part of the poem, which in its essence is a man trying to understand a woman's love. We often miss signs or misconstrue them thinking they may be something that in reality they are not. I wanted the opening line to reflect the man's perspective on a kiss from his lover. Which culminates with the final line adding to the thought that women are forever a mystery to men because we are unable to read their intentions accurately many times. Men are creatures of passion while women are of love. There are times tenderness is a foreign action to us. And because of this we make the understanding of love more difficult then it is. Thank you again for your thoughts.

[bianca]

You are welcome, Carlos. That's right. We, women, are a mystery for you, a new adventure, and as you said we are really hard to be readen by men. But, if you truly love that woman, you can read every thought that comes into her mind by her eyes, body, movements, breaths. What you wanted to express was clear for me, and I felt your words from the first second I started reading your poem.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Bianca. That is why women love better then men. Love holds no mystery to women and is the reason why the words of this poem are easily understandable. And it is also why, even to me as the writer, these words are a mystery to us men. Thank you so much for your thoughts on this work and sharing a bit of the mystery and truth to us. We need to hear from women to help us better understand our faults on why it's difficult to know their hearts better.

[bianca]

Your hearts are difficult too. Believe me when I say that. When I fell in love for the first time I was wondering what the other person thinks about me, if his feelings were real. It was and is harder for us because it's a long-distance relationship. So yes, it's difficult for both sides, Carlos.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

It's funny you should mention how difficult love is. My current poem "Sutures" speaks of just that. It was written from being inspired by helping a female friend overcome a recent break up. I will let you in on a secret. Men tend to complicate things more then we should by our mere ignorance. We are just simple that way. Usually our first response to something is our most honest.

[bianca]

Oh, my friend, I know that very well. Sometimes that honesty really hurts a lot, but maybe that person isn't the right one for us. Love is a drug, an enemy, a fire that brings us so many feelings, pain that can destroy our souls so easily. I read your poem and yes, I've felt those feelings, but at the end of the day, it'll be just a sad chapter of our past.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I really believe that rock singer Pat Benetar said it best, Love is a battlefield. Thank you so much again for your thoughts and this enjoyable enlightening conversation on love.

[bianca]

You are welcome. A long conversation though. It was a pleasure for me to talk with you.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Beautiful and
so romantic.

I love sonnets
and Shakespeare is a
favorite among other
writers I love as I love
how he words his poems
and you did an amazing
job.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Benita for your kind words. After not writing for a few years and starting to pick up again I'm basically relearning the craft again. I had mostly written short stories but since finding this community I thought it would be fun to try a bit more poetry. It's been an enjoyable experience thus far. And also made my art more eclectic. Thank you again for taking the time to leave a comment. I truly appreciate it.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

I first started writing short stories as a teen but I also did poetry off in on.
My mother writes prose stories she's a storyteller.

My writing is very narrative so I do poetry and repetition and I've been doing poems for emotional abuse awareness and abuse awareness.

And I write dark poetry as well most are not used to that because I'm a romantic literature writer mostly but I write a mix and what helps me and others.


I cannot write haikus sonnets or the syllables type writing probably because I do free verse rhyme and repetition and story like poetry.


I am thankful of what I can write as not everyone can do stories or short stories they're difficult for some but I haven't had the time to but I enjoy doing ones when making a character so it's always good to learn a new skill.

We are always learning
when we write and as we
grow older our style of writing grows changes
and improves and grows up.

So I really enjoyed
reading this piece thank
you and your very welcome.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Continued success in your writing journey. I tend to think much like yourself. To me free form is much liberating and less constraint. I'm not one for rules that may stifle imagination and vision. I attempt success things only as a personal challenge to myself. But at my heart I love the freeing aspects of writing with no rules. I try to provoke thought or wonder in most of my work when possible. Also elicit emotion from the reader so they become invested in the words. As writers each individual piece is like a child we give out to the world. Hoping they find a home in the heart of our readers. Because deep down inside and between the words of our work are a reflection of us. We are moved to write because the world moves us too. The infinite beauty of life and the many stories it paints for us to share with others. Thank you again for sharing your words with me.

[Seriana]

Ooooohhh, such a delight Carlos! I love a good sonnet, and this is definitely a new take on the traditional. They are a bit of a challenge, but you made it look like cake! Nice job. I enjoyed it very much!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Seriana, for your kind comment. It was my very first attempt at sonnet writing which overall I was happy with though I didn't quite meet the iambic pentameter. Still I loved the theme it conveys. It was a lot of fun to try and do something very foreign to my style of writing. Thanks so much again for your kind words.

[Seriana]

I liked it alot, too. It's ok. Sonnets take practice. You did a great job! The few I've attempted I always count the syllables out on my fingers like a little kid, lol. You're welcome and I hope to see more sonnets from you!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you so much again for the kind words and especially the encouragement. It's so fun to step out of my comfort zone and try something new. I mostly only write short stories but since joining I have mainly submitted poetry because of all the wonderful ones I see here at the Cafe. I been slowly improving in that art form of writing considering I rarely ever wrote poems at all back when I was young. Thank you so much again I so appreciate it.

[Betty Hermelee]

I think it's everything that elicits emotions; the eyes for sure; the touch, the breath, the smile, the softness of skin, the fluttering heart "devotion" and more. Your poem is written so well to express these seeming dilemmas to an ordinary man who is so overcome by these gestures. And I love the way you used your language to set the scene.
Best,
B.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Betty, so kindly for the comment. It was very first attempt at a sonnet and though I may have missed the precise requirements it was still an enjoyable attempt none the less. And I loved the message of it as well. Thank you again so much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I think Shaky knew better than anyone how mysterious women are and how impossible to figure out.
Nice job with this sonnet....you tell a good story, the structure works, but it does not override the enjoyment or meaning of the poem.
and you definitely capture the flavor of those old time words and poets.
j.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Jacob, I am in agreement with you there. The Bard truly knew our counterparts and the ways of love we mere mortals only aspire toward. Trying to capture the love of women in words is like trying to catch a sea mist in the early dawn of morning. Elusive to the grasps of our fingertips. Yet a beautiful and sorrowful endeavor none the less. Thank you kindly for your thoughts, my friend.

[John the Baptist]

Fourteen lines of iambic pentameter. If this was your first shot at a sonnet, I'd say you hit the target pretty close to the bullseye.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, John, for the kind words and encouragement. Poetry is like a puzzle to which challenges my mind to improve and educate in this remarkable art form. My comfort zone tends to be short story writing, but I have grown to admire the poetry art form and the many writers here at the Cafe who are much more talented then I as well as helpful. You and all the other poets here are a joy to read and learn from. Thank you again for all you write and do to encourage others.

[Neville]

the simple kiss, if indeed there is such a thing is probably one of the most talked about, written about and dare I even suggest, thought about exchanges known to man .. there are just so many variants .. I pretty much like them all ..

I very much enjoyed your poem Carlos .. very brave of you my friend going for a sonnet like this .. I have never yet dared to try penning one and likely never will ..

All Good Things,

Neville

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Neville, for your thoughts. I agree sonnets are difficult especially for an amateur like me. But I like the challenge of doing something out of my comfort zone. I grow from the success and failures of the attempt. But most importantly learn from it and its educational experience. I guess to me it's not about perfecting my art so much as growing from it. Learning to be a better me, and letting go of the failure fears. To simply try is a victory in itself. That is why I enjoy the art here at the Cafe, for these writers are brave by simply putting their art out for the world to see. I can do no less myself then the same. And enjoy your company along with others here in the love for this art form called writing.