Una otro dia para Vivar

this was difficult to write but it's message is hopeful. I hope it will bring back an indelible memory of your lost youth within you.

                                                      Una otro dia para Vivar

                                                                         By 

                                                        Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

     These words were foreign to me, yet native to my culture.  They held an abstruse mysticism that sang to me in an enigmatic way.  I was innately aware of their meaning and the dreams they carried forth.  But in the end I was a child chasing butterflies that swam upon the winds like elusive dandelion seedlings floating out into the universe.  They sprang from her lips like whispered prayers too holy to be heard by man, and only meant for the ears of God.  But I heard them...did that mean God was within me?

     "Una otro dia para vivar." My grandmother said as a blessing.  

     I was a young boy when I heard these sacred words.  Severed from the language which defined their meaning by a mother who misguidedly believed assimilation would provide greater opportunity, as well as epitomize the new culture I was born into.  It was her hopes that I would be seen as American and nothing more, nor less.  But we often mistake our aspirations for good intentions.  When in truth the little things we are born of can never be hidden by their losses.  It is in the skin, the features, and the attitudes that embody our heritage.  We are those that came before us, and it is visible in all we do, and live.

     " Another day to live, grandma."  The words flowed from my lips speaking from another place.

     " Si, Mi hijo." She nodded with pride.  And in her...I saw God smile.

Reviews

[mattavelli]

Hello, Carlos! :)
You really have a lovely way of telling stories. In this one, your love for your grandmother shines; maybe she's something like a saint to you, representing family and culture. There is a stark contrast when your feelings shift toward your mother. Throughout, your figurative language and emotion made this a great read.
My story is not like yours, or maybe its a couple generations removed, as both lines of my family immigrated here prior to 1900. My mother's line were swedes who settled in Iowa, while my father's were Cubans settled in Tampa Florida. I remember from maybe age four, my grandfather Nelson would cheat me at cards, and my abuela Hernandez would have me fetch her cigarettes. Because of my father's job, our family moved every five years or so, so I never felt connected to a place or culture while growing up. I suppose, outside my immediate family, my teachers had the most impact on me, but not Mrs. Goldstein from high school spanish. I couldn't pass it. Haha

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

So you are half Cubano. The Latino community is so diverse but have many similarities despite their differences. I am second generation American. My grandmother was Guatemalan and my grandfather Spaniard and Mexican. On my father's side I only knew my grandmother who was Mexican. Because both parents worked my grandmother from my mother's side raised me and my two brothers. I was very close to my Nana Margarita. To me she was the essence of God. Encapsulating the Mother and Father aspects of divinity. Duality. It was difficult to place faith in religiosity because the female aspects were always seen as subservient. Too many contradictions haunted me and my uncle John, who was an elder in the Jehovah Witness religion always struggled during our conversations to convert me. He felt my questioning was petulant and immature. Instead of engaging in constructive dialogue he chose to simply say I need to read the good book because all the answers were there. Since then I have considered myself agnostic. I let go of the small things that were of my parents. It liberated me. As storytellers we hold impartial and objective views of the world around us. It keeps our insights fresh and new. We are more accepting of possibilities and the wonderment of them because we see the humanity in things and the emotions that are birthed from them. To me now God is simply undiscovered science, we must continue as a species to evolve in order to comprehend the sublime abstract of things greater then us.

[mattavelli]

Hey, Carlos! :)
There’s a lot of stuff out there to wonder about. Lets not get hung up on worshiping the local volcano. Haha
The behavior, worship, disgusts me. It’s like a tantrum. And the things that the worshipful can be compelled to do, ya. I see the church as a self serving machine that enslaved its way through Europe, then Africa and the americas, with a banner slogan, “Genocide’s okay, they’re all sinners anyway”. Haha

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I hear you there, and agree with your assessment. The amount of accumulated death through out history due to religious fervor is astounding and speaks for itself. We would be a much better species if we would simply follow the wise tenants of philosopher Socrates when he asked of us "know thyself."