Chapter 14: Ciri

“Hello there,” Andy said sitting on top of me with her mug of wine in her hand, “Do you like wine?”

“Why yes, I do,” I said taking a sip of mine, “Do you?”

“I don’t like wine,” she said shaking her head.

“You don’t,” Jasper asked puzzled.

“I love it,” she yelled loudly making me jump and she fell off my lap.

“Watch it; you are interrupting my drinking, short stuff,” I said as she started giggling like crazy on the floor. Jasper had taken a few sips from my mug, despite himself. All of us needed to take the edge off.

“You know I really like the floor,” she said lying on her back, “It is so nice.”

“It is also dirty, unleveled and smells faintly of mud,” I said spinning around in my chair.

“You think everything smells like dirt,” Jasper said sitting down.

“I do, don’t I?” I said standing up and went over to him and sniffed his neck, “Well you do not smell anything like dirt.”

 

“Ciri,” he set my mug down, “You have probably drunk more than Andy and that’s saying something.”

“What are you implying?” Andy demanded.

“Go and look for more wine,” I told her and she scurried off immediately, “You know, Jazz there is something you need to know.”

“What would that be?” he asked puzzled.

“Talia,” I sat back, “She’s in the city; I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d stay behind. She was scared that Kyle would find her before you would. She knew something about the country’s collapse and it made her question who to trust. She said she could look after herself, but that she knew how worried you could get. She also insisted that you watch who you trust. She was right about that one.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked confused.

“Because she needs you,” I picked up the mug again, “I’ve been selfish; I thought if I kept certain details from you then you’d stay.”

“She is in the city alone,” he stood up.

“Yes,” I looked down at the red liquid.

“You weren’t going to tell me until we reached Eddison’s, were you?” he clenched his fists, “She could be in danger right now.”

“Yes,” I muttered.

 

“That guy who is after her, Kyle,” he hissed, “His father funds and controls the Elites and the guards; Christopher Shafver would love to get his hands on her and his son wouldn’t stop him from torturing her before handing her over.”

“Why would they torture her?” I said.

“Because she ran away,” he turned and slapped the mug out of my hand, “Elites have never done that; servants have tried, but my kind only leave the city on missions. You think they’d torture you for abandoning the city; they’ll do worse to her.”

“They’ll do worse to you too,” I looked up into his cold eyes.

“I don’t care what happens to me; how would you feel if Umber was alive and in the city alone and I didn’t tell you?”

“I’d make you hurt,” I replied.

 

“You know what you’re forcing me to do,” he growled and I got to my feet.

“What are you waiting for then?” I said shakily, “If you’re going to do it then don’t hesitate.”

“What?” he seemed caught off guard.

“If you want to hit me then do it,” I argued, “Then you can leave, head back to the city; I have Andy now and Talia needs you.”

“You think I want to hurt you,” he said, “I would never hit you, Ciri; after all we’ve been through, I thought you would told me sooner about Talia. The journey back is farther back compared to the distance to Eddision’s now.”

“Use the radio channels; you can get back to the city faster if you commandeer a military vehicle,” I countered.

 

“What will they do when I get back?” he shoved me backward, “You don’t know your parents, but I know mine; my father will not stand for this kind of behavior.”

“Tell them it was my fault; tell them the truth,” I argued, “Do whatever it takes to get to Talia. She’s your friend and you cannot let anything stop you from helping her now. I cannot take back what I did.”

“I wish you could,” he said and I pulled the envelope out of my back pocket, “What is that?”

“You thought it was bad before,” I opened the folded envelope and handed the letter to him.

“You said you burnt it,” he snatched it away.

 

“I couldn’t do it; I needed the leverage and the smart thing to do would be burning it,” I felt my hands start to shake, “I wanted so many times to drop it and for you to find it. At first it was just to get rid of you, but then I started to depend on the company and I understood what Talia was missing.”

“It’s her handwriting,” he looked it over, “Thank you.”

“What?” I frowned.

“I thought you might be taunting me. Or that you’d had too much to drink and were babbling,” he looked over at me, “She really is there and I could find her easily once I’m there.”

“I saw a radio downstairs,” I sat back down, “Say goodbye to Andy.”

“Good luck,” he said then then he walked off.

 

“Yeah right,” I looked down at my hands. I’d been so selfish. I had done something to him that would have destroyed me. He hadn’t even hit me. He’d barely yelled. I almost wished he had yelled because then I could have yelled back. I could have ranted about what his kind did to servants, but I would have regretted it. Nothing compared to the regret now though. I felt like I had dug a pit for myself and now I was lying at the bottom of it. I was alone, like I deserved. I couldn’t cry over what I let happen to Umber for so long because it hadn’t been my fault that time. This was my fault though. He’d trusted me finally and all of the time I had a bomb waiting to destroy the small group we had formed.

 

“Fool,” I said feeling tears stinging in my eyes. I shouldn’t show emotion. I had to be strong now for Andy and to keep going, but the tears kept coming. I didn’t deserve to be saved. I needed to get Andy away from me before I found a way to hurt her too. People around me were bound to suffer.

 

“You knew what you were doing,” I almost imagined Umber saying.

“I thought I did,” I wiped my eyes, “I thought I could live with it when it was over; I thought I’d just run.”

“Why aren’t you?” she asked.

“I can’t move,” I said then a sob broke free of my lips. I heard footsteps heading back into the room, but Andy would have to wait. I didn’t even have the strength to lift my head.

 

“Ciri,” I heard his voice and I forced myself to look up.

“You don’t have to say goodbye to me,” I shook my head, “Go.”

“I can’t,” he knelt down in front of me.

“Yes, you can,” I rubbed my eyes, “Get on the radio; maybe you can even find Talia that way.”

“I am not going back to the city,” he said.

“Yes, you are,” I argued.

“No, I’m not,” he reached out and brushed a tear off my cheek, “I promised to get you to Eddison’s.”

 

“I am revoking the promise; Talia is more important,” I insisted, “Go now before Andy comes and grabs your leg; you’ll have to drag her along.”

“Could you not be so stubborn for once?” he tilted my head up, “You know I hate it when you don’t look me in the eye.”

“I said go,” I reached out to slap him and he caught my hand.

“No,” he said looking me in the eye. The music went silent and all I could hear was my breathing and his.

 

“Please,” I didn’t know what I was asking. His green eyes looked into my blue eyes then before I had time to think, I brought his lips down to mine. I knew better than to expect anything. It wasn’t right; it should feel wrong. His arms caught me before I sat back and his lips began to move with mine. The wine made me brave as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He was kissing me back. I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t move away.

 

“Ciri,” I heard Andy call, “I found more wine.” Jasper pulled away first and got to his feet looking as shaken as I felt. My cheeks were heated as Andy came skipping back in with two more bottles. “Now this is what we drifters consider a party,” she said handing a bottle to Jasper, “Drink up, Jazz.”

“I am alright,” he waved it off and she offered it to me.

“I shouldn’t drink anymore,” I shook my head.

“More for me,” she tried to open the bottle with a corkscrew.

“Save them for Eddison,” I took them away from her, “You promised only to drink two servings.”

 

“You seem to have sobered up,” she pouted.

“We’ll be leaving in the morning, Andy; you are already going to be sick; don’t add to it,” Jasper ordered, “You get the jacket tonight, but try not to vomit on it alright.”

“I am feeling lightheaded already,” she flopped onto the ground, “You’re being too quiet, foreigner what is on your mind?”

“Just sobering up a little quickly,” I said, “I am starving.”

“I’ll get you something,” Jasper hopped up and went over to the makeshift blanket bag.

 

“I told you he is overly concerned,” Andy sat down putting her head on my lap, “You aren’t as unlikeable as you try to be.”

“I’ll work on that,” I stroked her hair and within minutes, she was snoring. Jasper tossed me a packet and I flipped it over.

“Jerky,” I said breaking open the wrapper and took a bite, “It’s chewy.”

“Protein strengthens bones; we’ll need that,” he sat down next to me.

“Why did you do that?” I asked wrapping my arms around myself. He looked over at me and then sighed.

 

“I wasn’t the one who started it, but I don’t take it back,” he informed me.

“Of course, you do,” I turned slightly and Andy groaned, but didn’t wake up from her stupor, “I am a servant and you’re an Elite; we were never meant to something like that; it isn’t done.”

“I’d do it again,” he replied, “I know that you meant it when it happened; we aren’t ranks here, Ciri; you know that.”

“We can’t do that again,” I shook my head, “I mean it.”

 

“Fine,” he snapped.

“Fine,” I retorted, but the look in his eye told me he wouldn’t give up that easily.