Chapter 10: Ciri

“Ciri,” Umber called and I looked ahead to see her running down the path.

“Umber,” I started after her.

“Come on,” she said stopping, “You know you love to run.”

“I cannot; we have to stay,” I said walking over to her.

“Silly girl; you are always on the move. Come on, I know you better than anyone on this planet,” she said taking my hand.

 

“I do not want to go anywhere,” I said shaking my head.

“Ciri, you run,” she said smiling, “You do not stop, you do not live, you do not cry you keep running; that is all there is to it.”

“But I want to cry; I want to live,” I said looking around us, “Look at this world; why cannot I live this?”

“It is not us,” she said hugging me, “You know better than to get settled; we always run.”

“I do not want to run anymore,” I said unsure, “Why cannot we just stay here and enjoy it?”

“You cannot feel the wind if you are standing still,” she said starting to pull me forward.

 

“Number, come on,” I laughed.

“Come on, Blue, I will race you,” she said starting to run.

“Wait up,” I said running to catch up with her, “Umber, you know you are faster.”

“Come on, Ciri17. March on,” she said laughing happily.

“Umber slow down,” I said feeling the wind rushing by me, “We will not find our way back.”

“Hurry up,” she said looking back at me black hair flying around her. I looked forward and saw a guy walking out through the trees and walked out into the middle of our path.

“Stop,” I told Umber reaching forward to stop her.

“Come on,” she said running forward and I missed her hand by an inch.

“Umber, stop,” I yelled then I heard a gun go off and she fell forward onto the ground. “No,” I yelled running forward to see her on the ground with her eyes staring up and a bullet in her chest.

 

“Oh well,” Nigel said in my head. I sat jet upright holding onto my chest and it was blacked out I could barely see ahead of me. I could not believe my dream scared me, but I was still shaking like a leaf. I was still breathing heavily as if I’d been running and I felt like crying, but I could not. Was Umber right? Could I not cry even after everything that had happened?

I’d lost my best friend, killed people and I did not know if I was going to die; I should be balling my eyes out. I should be breaking down all the time; how can I still be okay? I shouldn’t be like this; I have to be a more emotional person to be normal. I did not even know what normalcy was, but I wanted it so bad.

I wanted to cry, scream and hate god for taking one of his most loyal followers out of this world. I hated Nigel the most because though he wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger he was the one who did the damage. I wanted to make them pay, but I did not know how to express myself. I realized just in that moment that Umber was right; all I knew how to do in these situations was to run. I stood up slowly and I heard Jasper wake up and I quickly stepped over the blanket. “Ciri,” he said and I heard Umber’s voice echo in my head.

 

“Ciri, run,” Umber told me and I started running off in the direction that felt right. I ran and I could hear him yelling after me, but I was using my talent.

“Ciri, stop running; I cannot keep up,” the voice called and I heard it wrong it reminded me of Michael.

“Come on, run; it is what we are good at,” Umber said and I sped up trying to get away from life.

 

“Ciri,” the voice said, but Umber’s voice was echoing over and over again in my head.

“Ciri, come on,” she said and her voice echoed over and over again in my head. Her face flashed in front of me and I saw her bright green eyes shining as she smiled. My best friend was dead though and that was the truth. “Ciri, come on, I will race you,” she laughed then I hurried up, “Move; keep moving.” “Do not trip,” her voice said and I fell forward suddenly without warning. I fell down a long hill, but this time it stopped with a rocky platform of ground.

“God,” I said angrily.

“What’s wrong this time, Blue?” Umber’s voice asked.

“Stop,” I yelled throwing a rock off into the distance, “Just stop already.”

“You do not live; you do not cry; you do not stop,” Umber told me; “It is what you are good at.”

“Why?” I said throwing rocks from my sitting position. “Just stop and tell me why,” I said throwing a handful of rocks in every direction.

 

“Ciri,” a voice said and I heard someone climbing down the hill, “What in the hell are you doing?”

“Go away,” I said throwing rocks at him.

“What’s wrong?” he said coming over to me with a flashlight.

“There’s something wrong with me,” I said throwing more rocks off into the distance and then someone grabbed my arms and I looked around to see Jasper looking at me.

“What’s wrong with you? You just ran off on your own,” he said angrily.

“Why did you even bother running after me I would have been back by morning?” I said trying to stand up, but my legs hurt like hell, “God hates me or something what the hell is this?”

“Why would god hate you?” Jasper said confused.

“Because he let her die,” I said trying to stand up again, “Damn it now I cannot run.”

 

“Why would you want to run anymore? It is pitch black out,” I argued.

“I do not care I am not good at anything else; every situation I could run from except for this one,” I said pushing him away, “Now let me go.”

“You said yourself you cannot run anymore; we’ll be lucky to find our way back,” he said trying to help me up.

“Why should I? Umber’s never finding her way back. What’s the point of going after some old crazy person that probably cannot help anyways?” I said pissed off, “You said so yourself.”

 

“Now wait a minute yes I said that, but a lot has changed I cannot go back now and you know you want to get back at these guys for what they did to Umber so why are you just sitting here?” he demanded.

“I cannot get revenge this way. Face it we’ll never make it to this old man’s house even if he’s even there he could be dead by now who knows,” I said seriously, “I think Umber would just be happiest if I lived as a drifter at least then I’d be free.”

 

“Free out in the ruins,” he said suddenly picking me up, “What a brilliant idea; just give up and starve to death.”

“Why not Umber gave up her life for me?” I shrugged.

“Exactly she gave up her life for you; yet you will not do the same for her,” he said starting to walk up the hill with me.

“You did not know Umber and you do not know me either. Don’t pretend you understand what I am feeling,” I said pushing him away and almost fell out of his arms, “Whoa okay, I am going to yell at you and refuse to listen to anything you say, but whatever you do, do not drop me because you are tall and that is a long drop.”

 

“So basically, you are going to let the entire country be run by this Michael guy who is friends with Nigel and they’re going to pretend Umber never existed and you are okay with that,” he said getting to the top of the hill.

“No I am not Umber deserves to be remembered; there’s nothing I can do, but remember her by myself,” I said anger turning to regret as I spoke.

“She seems like a sweet girl, who will not want you to hurt yourself so, why do you keep hurting yourself even though it makes you too weak to avenge her death?” he said loudly.

 

“Because she was my best friend and I do not know how to live without her around and I do not think I ever will,” I said then looked down at my feet. “You know what she told me one time when she was mad because I told her to stop praying,” I said looking over at him.

“What did she say?” he asked hoisting me up because I almost slipped again.

“She said who are you kidding you do not run because you love it. You run because that is what you do best,” I said absentmindedly, “I run away from bad situations; it might even be what I am doing now the real reason I am out here, but I might be running to something. which might be just as bad as just running in the first place. I do not know.”

“Well that thing early with the taking off with my jacket yes that was running away, but in all honesty if you wanted to just run away; you would have done that first night,” he explained.

“I just miss her; she was the sun while I was the moon,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

 

“It is something we used to say when we were little,” I said thoughtfully, “We used to stay up at dawn and dusk all the time when we were around four and she always seemed the happiest at dawn and I was happy when the moon came out because I thought it was that fancy cheese with the holes in it,” I said laughing a little.

“We all did,” he shrugged, “Go on.”

“Well she started calling me moonwalker and I called her sunshine and we used to play this game where the moon and sun were fighting,” I said thoughtfully, “She’d always let me win and I never got to thank her and everyday she’d make me smile.”

“She sounds like a good friend,” he said walking on.

 

“I just don’t know what to do if she’s really gone forever,” I said as he sat me down, “I don’t cry; I don’t stop; I don’t live I just run because it is what I am good at.”

“Living is your choice,” he told me. I looked over at him and he was looking back at me. I looked over at the light the flashlight was producing and I felt something fall down my face. I put my hand to my cheek and it was wet I was actually crying.

“She’s gone,” I said quietly then the tears began to fall rapidly. I felt the tears running down my face each one was a miracle in and of itself. I felt Jasper hold onto me and I really started sobbing.

“I am sorry about Umber,” he said seriously.

“Thank you,” I said sobbing still.

“You are welcome,” he said padding me on the back.

 

“Why are you being nice to me?” I asked looking up at him.

“Because we are equals,” he said and I smiled.

“He finally gets it,” I laughed.

“Yeah, I am slow, but I usually figure stuff out faster I think the sarcasm and theft had me a little cautious,” he said still holding onto me.

"I am supposed to be the cautious one,” I said feeling the blanket, "Thank goodness we are back already.”

"Where'd you think we were?” he said shaking his head.

 

"I don’t honestly know Umber was the one with the sense of direction,” I said looking at the flashlight again, "She once got us out of one house through an Elite apartment without us getting caught.”

"Oh really,” he said.

"Yeah and she was always the one to make the first joke, which was usually some remark about my sober expression,” I said with a smile, “Or something about my parents.”

"Your parents?” he asked.

"I wanted to find them,” I said honestly, "They traded me for life support, according to my master, but I don’t know I always thought there was more to it.”

"I never thought about the parents of the working class before,” he said then looked at my knife, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot,” I sat back.

 

“Did you need the knife to make those figurines of yours, or was it to protect you from people like me?” he looked me in the eye.

“What do you think?” I said quietly.

“Where did you get it?”

"Umber wanted to go fishing for hats on a roof because it was my birthday and she thought I needed a new hat,” I said, "So we were headed there and we ran into this old worn out guy who came up to us and told us to run and handed me the knife.”

 

"Why did he tell you to run?" Jasper questioned.

"Because there was a guard right on his tail,” I snickered.

"It happens to the best of us,” he sighed.

"What life, or jail visits which part of this story are you referring to?" I asked curiously.

"Birthdays suck,” he said looking up at the sky.

 

"You know this does not change anything I am still going to treat you the same way,” I said going over to the blanket.

"I feel the same way,” he said climbing in first, "So equals.” He put out his hand and I shook it.

"Equals,” I repeated, “Can I tell you something from Talia’s letter?”

“Of course,” he said eagerly.

“She said she was an Elite and that she had a mission of her own. She knew you wouldn’t approve,” I said, “There are female Elites?”

“Just one,” he replied, “I am just glad she didn’t get herself killed on this mission. She’s impulsive like you.”

 

“She’s alive,” I said lying down.

"Good, now shut up and let me sleep,” he laid down.

"Men,” I said rolled my eyes then he closed his eyes. I sat there for a minute listening to him breathing and it was almost soothing. I could not believe Jasper had been the one to hold me when I was weak. It was confusing because I was sure he found me to be a weakling already; I would have thought he’d tease me about my tears. “Jasper,” I whispered.

“What?” he sighed.

“Thank you for helping me,” I did not know how far that ‘thank you’ stretched, but he did not seem to care about the length.

 

“You do not have to thank me. Ciri. Everyone needs their weak moments; it makes them stronger,” he pulled me down to lie down.

“By the end of this trip, I could be the most powerful woman in the country then,” I joked.

“You never know,” he yawned, “But do me one favor”.

“What is that?” I inquired.

“Let me sleep,” he whined.

 

“Fine,” I laughed then tucked myself in and closed my eyes. The tears came again later in the night. I could handle them this time and the desire to run dissolved slowly. Finally I became too tired to stay conscious.

Author's Note

what do you think of the jasper and ciri relationship?