Chapter 2: Ciri

“Alright boy and girls you know your duties,” Christiana, our escort said as the car headed south towards the end of town. It was odd that an Elite would live outside of town like this. They usually liked to live in style, the houses out here weren’t lavish they weren’t as updated as the townhouses because they were the oldest houses in the city.

“Yes ma’am,” Darius19 nodded.

“Does this Elite have a name ma’am?” China asked fidgeting.

“Jasper Ryan,” the announcer told us and I looked out the window at the town we passed. What was a Ryan doing out here? I knew Jasper had been top of his class and had many talents, but I did not know anything else about him. I just hoped he ignored me; I could not believe this morning I was free and now…I was trapped again.

“I cannot do this,” China said panicked. I refused to let myself freak out and based on our escort’s response, I reacted correctly.

“Quiet you are just cleaning, do as you are told,” she snapped, “All of you should be honored to do their work for Mr. Ryan”.

 

“What about her?” Darius said and I felt his eyes on me, “What about her duty to the Elite?”

“She will do her duty too,” the lady told them, “right Ciri17.”

“Yes,” I said hiding the sadness in my voice. I could be strong and make it through this. I was a survivor and this post wasn’t permanent after all. We stopped in front of a rundown stone house. I got out first and looked at the house we’d be living in. It did not look evil; it appeared forgotten with ivy covering most of the building and had cracks running up to the roof.

“Keep it moving,” she said pushing me forwards and I went inside, “that ride took too long we are late now all of you report to our stations, and Ciri you come with me.”

“Alright,” I said following her. As we walked upstairs, I saw the dust on every surface and I did not pity China13 her job. In front of me, Christiana walked with a purpose with her red heels clicking against the floor and her blue dress catching on her shoe every once in awhile. She was quiet, so I decided to follow her lead. I kept my head down to remind myself of my rank.

“Hello sir,” she said knocking on a thick wood door.

 

“Enter,” a male voice called through the door and Christiana opened the door cautiously and walked in. “No, I need results; that is unacceptable,” Ryan said as I followed my escort in, “Keep looking and phone back when you have something.” He slammed the phone down and I wanted to run and get out of here. If he was already angry, that didn’t bode well for me. “Ladies,” he came forward stopping a few feet in front of us.

“Sorry for the delay sir one of the girls overreacted,” Christiana said and I examined Mr. Ryan’s black leather shoes. They looked perfectly polished and the laces were done perfectly.

“She seems fine now,” my new boss said and I could feel his eyes on me.

“No. Not this one. The house servant is a young girl and she’s having trouble understanding the honor of this situation,” she said and I rolled my eyes, “This one is in perfect condition and I assure you the other will follow her lead.” I could show my emotions because my long bangs were covered most of my face.

“Young people are entitled to their ways,” he said politely, “Is there anything else you need to tell me?”

“No, sir their files are here for you,” she said handing him our files, “I hope you enjoy your stay here, we will try and make it enjoyable, good day.” With that she left the room closing the door behind her and left me alone with the Elite.

 

“Do you speak?” he asked sitting back down in his chair.

“Yes,” I said loud enough he could hear me.

“Do you have a name then?” he asked clearing his throat.

“Ciri17, sir,” I said automatically.

“The names haven’t improved any have they? Still naming the servants after items in the house and all that silliness,” he questioned standing up again, “you know the rules already I would think.”

“Yes sir,” I said looking down at the ground.

“I will be staying here for a two month long period understood,” he said walking over to me.

“Understood completely,” I said looking over the wood to see how dirty it was.

 

“May I?” he said touching my bangs. I nodded still looking down at the floor like I was taught to. What was he doing? I did not know things would start so fast. Was he going to hurt me right now, or do something worse? “I do not trust people who hide their faces,” he said pushing my bangs back behind my ears, “I also like people to look me in the eyes.” I looked up cautiously at his face making sure he wasn’t trying to trick me. My eyes wandered over his face, he had an angular face that did not quite work with his dark cropped hair. His eyes caught and held my attention; they were green as the pine needles in the forest outside the city. “Keep your hair back from now on, I will not have any mistrust in the house,” he said sternly still looking into my eyes, “You needn’t fear me miss, but do know your place.”

“Yes,” I said forced myself to keep my eyes on his, even though it went against what I was taught.

“Very good now you may stand aside when I need anything I will call for you,” he said looking away from me at last, “until then you may go to your quarters.” He hadn’t tried anything and he wasn’t acting like an Elite, but maybe there was a reason he wasn’t interested in me. I did not mean to say anything on the subject, but it just slipped out.

 

“Would you prefer a male servant sir?” I asked then bit my lip hard. He looked at me puzzled by my question. I still couldn’t believe I’d asked it.

“No you seem to understand the rules well enough you may go now,” he said properly then looked at me again, “Why would you ask?”

“Well some men, not usually Elites they do not like women they prefer…” I mumbled.

“Thank you for that observation you should work on mumbling though it is distracting and I do not prefer males please refrain from thinking such things while you stay here,” he ordered, “you may go.” I could not believe I’d said that he could have beaten the life out of me for such a comment. I needed to be careful from now on he was only here for two months I had to keep a quiet background position that way I’d live through this.

 

I went to my quarters and pulled out my pocketknife and a piece of wood I got awhile back. I was reminded of a lion when I saw how people responded to Jasper so that is what I started shape with the knife. Mrs. Edwin reminded me of an angry eagle so I’d done one of her during the three months I worked for her. I had started making these symbols in wood when I was very young; most of the other servants thought it was a silly waste of time, but those were the type of people, who accepted this was their life. They never moved on, but I would.

 

I was still cutting off some of the excess wood when someone knocked on my door. “Hello,” I answered it to see China standing there.

“This is a list of groceries Darius will take you there,” China said handing me a piece of paper, “Do not disturb the master; he’s in a meeting.”

“Very well,” I said leaving the room.

“Good luck,” she said then left and I went outside to the car where Darius had his head against the steering wheel and the guard in the backseat was looking moody. I climbed in and we did not speaking all the way back to town and it was dead silent when we stopped too.

“If you try and run you’ll be shot,” the guard said stepping out of the car and motioned for me to follow, “that goes for you too boy.”

“Yes sir,” Darius said shooting me a look telling me, behave or all of us would suffer the consequences.

“Good luck,” I said passing him and he nodded then looked away. I went into the market and looked down at the list he’d given me it was pretty standard. He needed boot polish, new laces, a dozen eggs, a medicine kit and a gallon of water. At the bottom of the list was some ammo for his gun, which would be the most expensive and was also the most threatening thing on the list. The guard told me what other food to pick up for the guards and I went around buying stuff with the card the guard handed me. I did not question I just did what I was told to do. I was heading down the lane the market ran through when I got knocked to the ground.

 

“Watch it,” the man said stepping on my hand and I felt something cut deep into the palm of my hand.

“Sorry sir,” I said then he walked off and I lifted my hand to see a blade of glass in my skin.

“Why are you sitting around? You have work to do,” the guard closest pulled me to my feet.

“I apologize,” I said taking out the glass and ripped part of my sleeve to cover the wound.

“Move on.”

“Yes,” I said continuing on to get the next item on the list.

“You ought to be more careful, girl,” the guard said and I winced at the pain in my hand feeling the blood running down my hand.

“I will be,” I said then headed into the library to get a new copy of the Art of War for Ryan.

“We have less than an hour before Ryan expects us to be back,” the guard commanded, “I’ll wait outside, but be quick.” Guards didn’t like books; most of them were illiterate.

 

“Ciri,” I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and I turned around.

“Umber,” I could not believe how happy I was to see her.

“Have you met the Elite?” she asked me, “Is he nice to you? Did he hurt you? What happened to your hand?”

“Nothing I fell down and got cut on some glass,” I assured her.

“I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to overreact, okay”.

“What is it?” I frowned.

“I ran into my father at the church earlier,” she told me.

“What?” I said.

“He was hanging out with two of the Council members, so he didn’t speak to me directly,” she told me, “It was odd.”

 

“Your father doesn’t associate with the Council; he thinks they are all heathens,” I whispered.

“He asked me to come and see him in three weeks when my masters visit their relatives,” she explained, “He wants to meet alone, but I couldn’t handle it on my own; what if he tries to get me put in the penitentiary, I couldn’t survive there.”

“I’ll be there too, Umber I won’t let him; the Elite won’t even miss me,” I caught her hand.

“Thank you, Ciri,” she said, “You’re the only family I trust.” I pecked her cheek before the guard showed up again. I grabbed the Art of War then we were heading back to the car.

“When we get back I want you to fix that wound,” a guard commanded, “We cannot get blood on his floors unless you are willing to clean up the stains.”

“I will clean it up,” I said soberly.

 

“What happened?” Darius asked concerned.

“The girl didn’t watch she was going and she paid for it,” the guard said as we arrived at the house. “Now, Ciri; go straight to your room.”

“Okay,” I said then half ran all the way to my room and allowed myself one tear for the pain then grabbed the emergency kit. I fixed up the wound stitching it together with a needle and thread then covered it with a high quality bandage. The guard was in charge of taking the bags to the Elite guy so I had more time to work on my wood figurine. I was careful because my stabbed hand was shaking a lot. I focused on it and finally after an hour it stopped shaking.

 

“Ciri go upstairs he went to the dining room to eat,” China called through the door. I got up and went upstairs quietly and entered his room. It was fairly clean so I started by sweeping the entire room. I mopped it afterwards and made sure the floor was spotless. I had started cleaning up the bathroom which had dust all over it. I thought for a moment about the grand minister’s secret meetings before refocusing on wiping down every surface in that bathroom. I was just finishing up the tub when I heard the door open to the main room. I stayed quiet and kept working hoping whoever it was would leave me alone. I thought about the boots Jasper was wearing they could seriously mess up my perfectly clean floor.

 

Luckily I was left alone and I refocused on my work and ignored the outside world. I thought about my parents for the second time today and that nagging voice in my head kept asking the same question. Why did not they want me? I was around two when I came here and all I could remember about them was my mother’s soft red hair. The rest of it was lost after years of servitude, and now I wasn’t sure what was fact or fiction. I kept working on the floor I left the room almost forgetting that there was someone else here. “Who is it?” Jasper said looking at the TV.

“Ciri, sorry to disturb you, sir,” I said quickly.

“Oh I assumed you’d be done by now,” he peered over and his gaze zeroed in on my hand, “Did you cut yourself or was that done to you?”

“I apologize, sir I had a misunderstanding in the market place,” I explained.

“You may go to lunch now good work,” he said looking back at me, “Oh and Ciri, have the nurse here tend to that wound; a cut like that could be infected.” Why would he care?

“Thank you, sir,” I said then left and went to the dining room on the bottom floor.

 

“You are late,” China said as I walked into the room.

“I was cleaning and I lost track of time,” I said sitting down in a free chair.

“How can you lose track of time cleaning? It is so exhausting I am counting the minutes, hours, days and months until I get out of here,” China said in between mouthfuls of dry chicken.

“As Elite go this guy does not seem too bad,” Darius shrugged. “What do you think Ciri?”

“I will not get too comfortable it is only two months and a lot can change in that much time,” I said starting to eat my bowl of outdated cream corn.

“You’d be the expert. Has he made any moves yet?” China asked uncertainly.

“No and you should be careful what you say around here,” I said sipping my half glass of water.

 

“Why this is our private dining room?” Darius said confused.

“There is no such thing as privacy in this place; also nothing here is ours, remember that,” I said eating more food.

“Do you ever feel like losing control?” China asked me.

“You have no idea,” I said shaking my head.

“Do you think we’ll survive this,” Darius asked.

“I don’t know,” I said thoughtfully. Ryan seemed almost friendly so far, but I couldn’t get my hopes up. Elites were deceptive and I wasn’t going to get comfortable. In three weeks, I’d see Umber again. That was the only hope I could cling to as I sat there awaiting my next order.

 

Author's Note

what do you think of Jasper? What do you think of the dialogue?

Reviews

[Kelsey Schadt]

You have an interesting premise and plot. I think the dialogue is effective in giving the reader characterization clues without being to blatant. I do have some suggestions concerning dialogue and conventions.

1) This sentence needs some punctuation within the quote: “Sorry for the delay sir one of the girls overreacted,” Christiana said and I examined Mr. Ryan’s black leather shoes. They looked perfectly polished and the laces were done perfectly.

try
“Sorry for the delay, sir. One of the girls overreacted,” Christiana said and I examined Mr. Ryan’s black leather shoes. They looked perfectly polished and the laces were done perfectly.

2) It becomes unclear who is speaking with the second quote in this piece. Is it still Christina or is it Ciri?
“No. Not this one. The house servant is a young girl and she’s having trouble understanding the honor of this situation,” she said and I rolled my eyes, “This one is in perfect condition and I assure you the other will follow her lead.” I could show my emotions because my long bangs were covered most of my face

3) When you have two complete sentences, with your dialogue tag in the middle like you do in the following paragraph, you really need a period rather than commas separating it: “No, sir their files are here for you,” she said handing him our files, “I hope you enjoy your stay here, we will try and make it enjoyable, good day.” With that she left the room closing the door behind her and left me alone with the Elite.

instead try
"No, sir their files are here for you,” she said handing him our files(.) “I hope you enjoy your stay here, we will try and make it enjoyable, good day.” With that she left the room closing the door behind her and left me alone with the Elite.


4)In this sentence you have some grammar errors: “Yes,” I said loud enough he could hear me.
instead try

Yes,” I said loudly enough so he could hear me.



5) This is another sentence that became confusing without punctuation:“Thank you for that observation you should work on mumbling though it is distracting and I do not prefer males please refrain from thinking such things while you stay here,” he ordered, “you may go.

instead try

“Thank you for that observation. You should work on mumbling, though: It is distracting, and I do not prefer males. Please refrain from thinking such things while you stay here,” he ordered. “You may go."

I find that when I write, I miss a ton of convention mistakes because I am so caught up in telling the story, that I know exactly what I want to say. I find reading my stories out loud help me find the mistakes (I still have a ton in my chapters regardless.)