Looking for God

uhm this one's kind of confusing i guess?

i looked for god

at the young age of 5

in every bush, in nature

i didn’t find him there 

and thought, “he probably

doesn’t go outside because

he must be very busy.”

i looked for god 

at the forgotten age of 10

the only thing i could remember

was looking for god in myself

then i looked down at my dirt-stained 

dress and said, “i’m a bad person,

god wouldn’t like me.”

i looked for god last year 

at the age of 15 within myself

i stared at my bloody wrists 

and heard my mother’s heart break

and declared, “god would see

no good in me.”

i am still searching for god

and wondering where he really is

is he in the people that say 

god will punish me if i don’t go to church

or he might be in me who says

god will love you no matter what 

and he only wants the best for you 

so give him some time