Why.

A look at the life of a me.

I always wondered why.

It would never happen, no matter how times I read the books. I'd never grow wings in any way, or get thrown into a 'school' to get my genes morphed, no matter how many times I read or dream about Maximum Ride. I'd never be an alien like in Daniel X, or be a mutant or superhero due to some freak accident like in those numerous Marvel comics I loved to read. 

It didn't matter how many kinetic abilities I looked up in the superpower wiki, no matter how much I wished for it to happen. I'd never become a cyborg, certainly not in this day and time or in the time I'd be alive, despite trying to look into Androids 17 and 18 more from Dragonball Z. I'd never get rich quick due to inheritance of my murdered parents and be able to afford all kinds of gadgets, despite how badass Batman seemed. I'd never have Pokemon, I'd never be an eons-old pharaoh trapped in a teen's body, and I'd never have a Quirk. 

And yet I still dreamed about having these.

So I asked myself why.

Why did I constantly disappoint myself? Why couldn't I see the world as it truly was? Why couldn't I have these powers?

Then I realized why these appealed to me so much. I even said it aloud, the question that I could, and would give me the right, answer.

"Why would I want these powers?"

I thought about it. I thought how epic it would be to conjure explosions with just my sweat, to enable flight or super speed or to get One-for-All. To use my wings or claws, to battle to be the very best like no one ever was.

"All of these goals were impossible, so why do I want them so badly?", I asked myself. And I did as of the writing of the first sentence in this short story. And I discovered something.

I discovered that I wanted these, and truly still do, because they're impossible. But it goes beyond just being impossible; it would help me to explain the unexplained about myself. It would explain why I'm such an outcast. And that's why I truly wanted a weird ability - to avoid becoming a freak, a nobody in society with nothing to gain and nothing to lose. To be perpetually stuck.

And I then realized that was one of my only fears, next to being alone. I fear, as of the writing of this, that I'll never know what it's like to cradle someone you deeply and truly love in your arms. To have a group of friends who will support you and want to hang out with you, and to have anyone who deeply cares and can physically hug you when you need it. I've always been afraid of this, deep down, and now it's come into reality. My fears have been met.

I was afraid I'd be just another freak, and nothing to anyone.

But I won't sit here and be quiet. Which is why I wrote this.

To all of you out there reading this right now who think you're freaks, misfits, wannabe-nobodies that can't decide if life is worth truly living, if they can't have support, and need someone to care... I understand you. And that's not easy to say by any means, even just typing it.

But I refuse to stay quiet about it.

I speak out and write because I want to help others. The slog heap I've sunken neck-deep in has newcomers constantly, so I've made it my goal to push up as many others as I can while I sink. I offer my hand, my mind, my soul, my very being. I scream and shout, roaring against the whine of society, the constant tugging at my clothes. And, even as my mouth will fill with the sewage and rot I've been caught in, I will not stop yelling. My final breath will be a call to others, a rejection of all opposition to us, the freaks who fear life itself and fight against it every second of every day of every year.

So I beg you. yell, scream, and writhe. Fight it until the bitter end. Never come up for air, because you have as much fight as you need in you, and then some. Understand that you may be disappointed, and that there may be no reason for your suffering. 

It's true - I may never hug a girl I love or lay with them in bed, calm for the first time in my life within their loving embrace.

It's true that I may never end up with a good job which will allow me to properly support myself because others are far too concerned with their own agenda and kick me back to the dirt like a perpetual member of class 3-E.

It's true. I face oppression. As do many of you.

Doesn't mean you can't rise up. Trust me, I'm not going to be able to join you.

But be damn sure I'll raise hell while I sink.

Reviews

[My Friend Pops]

Having seen 16 many years ago and having witnessed personally all you have just shared. I can say you are moving in the right direction. I decided long ago that it was not my superpowers I had to show a light on. But the super powers of those I come in contact with.

[Cloudswift]

Wow.

Just...Like Crimson said before me...Just wow.

I honestly love your style of writing, and I can't decide whether it's because of sheer beauty, the ability to yank the feels right out of me, or the fact that I know that it comes from the heart. You're emotional and expressive, and that's what I love about reading your writing.

[Crimson]

Wow, just Wow.
You have captured what so many feel when reading books, and not only that but you have given advice and a helping hand to get through it.
I know just from my own mind that what you say is true, and it's nice to know that it's not just me who feels this way and wishes for something more.
Thank you for writing this, it's really inspired me and, I'm sure, anyone else who reads this.
Let's be misfits together ;)

[APOORVA]

Felt like someone is narrating what I exactly feel often

[DD]

I am new to Writers cafe. This story was one of the first few that I came across. Truly inspiring and I read this thrice because it was very captivating! Thank u for this awesome write up 😊

[ruth]

this was the most inspirational thing i've seen in awhile. it really was an amazing story and a call to action for those who are misfits. thank you for writing this.

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

personally i don't like stories but this one is beautiful