Kinetic World: Chapter 2

A fated encounter.

The day was a long one for me.
My mind was floating away on a storm cloud. I wondered about who cared, who didn’t, who understood and who didn’t. I thought about death, I thought about the uselessness and inferiority of life. He thought about how many issues the Earth had worldwide, and how man would never be able to come together to solve them. I thought about bullies, about those who were driven to suicide due to bullies. I thought about how many people commited suicide annually, then monthly, then weekly and daily. I thought about all negativity, and how it outweighed the positivity.
Upon reaching the busses outside of the school, my face had become dark, emotionless, and sad. My eyes appeared to be those of a wary old man. My mind lingered on death, hopelessness, and sadness. I thought of all the ways he could possibly commit suicide or, at the very least, hurt myself. Every idea was shot down in my mind because I simply didn’t have enough energy. I lumbered onto my bus, leaving a gloomy cloud inside. My body was slouched, and my heart numb. I knew it would pass, it always did, but it still made me worry.
I then thought about how I would never have a reliable person, someone to lean on who could truly understand me.
My face darkened further, my mind now silent, my body motionless and slouched. My eyes revealed nothing but emptiness as I sat still and mourned. I refused to show tears, since I wanted to avoid as much confrontation as possible.
I finally got home, and as soon as I closed the door behind myself, I allowed the tears to come. My mind went to my tablet and, instead of working on my story, I went onto a special chatting site for people who enjoy writing. I looked at the different group conversations occuring, and one in specific caught my eye.
For Those Who Need Support, 1 person.
I clicked on it, and decided to enter my usual greeting.

Protato: Wazzup?

I was greeted with a few minutes of silence, and I sighed. I had gotten a certain feeling about this server, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe my feeling had just been hopefulness-

Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Uh… Hi.

My heart skipped a beat. My mind raced. Someone actually responded?
He quickly responded.

Protato: So… why are you alone in this chat room?
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Meh. I opened this chat room today, and nobody else has come in here.

I sighed. I definitely understood being alone.

Protato: I’m here. ^^

There was a long pause. I started to have one of my regular anxiety attacks. Did I say something wrong? Did I offend them? Was I being rude?

Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Indeed you are.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Thank you.

I blinked. My mind tried to work out why they took so long in responding and, if it took them that long, why even bother responding in the first place? I responded;

Protato: For what?
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: For entering the chat, you foolish fool.

I smiled at the reference.

Protato: Well, then. You are welcome.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Heh.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: You are quite the gentleman/lady.

This made me smile. I thought for a minute.

Protato: I’m a gentle man, thank you very much.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Really? I’m a not-so-gentle lady.

I was actually smiling, despite my lackluster and depressing day.

Protato: Well then, m’lady. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance. ‘Tis an honor.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: You’re the first person to think and say that.

I felt a ping in my side, recognizing the feeling instantly and intensely. My mind roiled, calculating all of the possibilities in overdrive. I realized that I wasn’t the only one who felt the way I did and, for once in my life, I felt understood by another person. I got excited, and I didn’t want to stop chatting with her.

Protato: Well, you’re the first person to acknowledge my existence, so…
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Hahaha. I feel.
Protato: So. What’re you interested in?
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: At least buy me dinner first.
Protato: Hahaha. My turn to laugh.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: To answer your question, I enjoy long walks on the Comic-Con, fast-food dinners, and the finest caffeine money can buy.
Protato: Same here, actually. Am I the only one with an unhealthy addiction to feelsy music?
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: OMFG yes.

I stayed on the chat until my dad came home around six. I heard the door close, and decided to take a break from my tablet.

Protato: My dad just got home. Gtg. ;3;
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Awww. Will you be back on later?
Protato: Most definitely.
Cat_Lovers_Anonymous: Well, then. We will ttyl. ^^
Protato: Ttyl. ^^

I sighed and pushed the power button. I turned around and went downstairs, greeting my dad happily. This time, I didn’t need to fake smile.
I was smiling normally just fine.

Author's Note

Italics, as normal. ;3;

Reviews

[SweetNutmeg]

Everything you've written up to this point has been well written, but sort of meandering and overly detailed. I admit I skipped over some sections. The story really comes alive when the character enters the chat room. I feel like the chapter before the chat room could be condensed into the chat room chapter, making the two chapters into a single chapter, with a very nice hook at the end.

Cutting and trimming are very painful at first. It's like cutting up your most precious newborn son, but eventually you get used to it, and can see the results in leaner, cleaner, more engaging writing.

I also feel like these two chapters were silent. No dialogue. Dialogue is a great way to show personality, thoughts, relationships. You had many opportunities to make your characters speak for themselves, rather than having the main character describe them in his head.

I feel mild interest in this character, but he would really come alive for me if he conversed with people in his world.

Your facility with words is excellent. Add some dialogue and trim it a bit, you'll be on your way to a really good story.

[Prototato]

One of the reasons I didn't use dialogue was to show that he truly didn't have any real relationships. I will say, however, that there could be more dialogue in these first couple of chapters. Thanks for the helpful feedback! ^-^