Charles and Maize

A small part of something that hasn't quite began to come together. The tale of Charles and Maize. A couple that was always meant to be, but never quite got it right.

“I don’t know.” I felt the tears gathering at the bottom of my eyes. My sight began to blur, “It’s just so fucked up now. We can’t, I, I just, oh no Charlie. What the f**k are we gonna do?” I fought the sharp gasps from breaking through. The cold stung my cheeks where the salt water had trickled down. Eye contact seemed unbearable. The sight of his icy blue eyes released a sickening nostalgia that pulsed through my body, “What the f**k am I gonna do Charlie? All of these years, since high school, f*****g high school, I thought this was it. You were mine and things might get a little screwed up, but in the end I'd still have you." It was like the walls had started to collapse in on themselves, "I thought I had you. I couldn’t have been more f*****g wrong” Everything had changed and what was left made the future seem so frail, “I’m yours and you don’t even want me.” Hatred began to numb the heartache. The validity of those words had left a bitter residue on my tongue, “Why’d you do it Charlie?!” He took a step closer to me. My stomach responded with a sharp knot. I shoved him hard towards the trees, “Why did you make me believe you? Did you know that if you just stuck around, eventually I'd fall for you. Why didn’t you just leave me alone?” The cracks broke my voice. I hated the sound of my own desperation, “Charlie It’s me. The same girl you’ve been stalking for seven years. We just started to work. You can't just go”

            “That's what I'm f*****g talking about! May listen to me. It's not the end of everything. It's not like now we can't see each other, or, or hangout every once in a while. You said it yourself! It's you and it's me. I don't want you gone. I just wanna be me, not the guy who loves Maize. And you know, you'll always be my Maize,” He reached toward me, calling me in. I never expected such a large part of me would want to follow. I wanted to smell him and just forget everything. I wanted everything that I had overlooked for so long. 

            “My name is Clara.” The air had stopped flowing and the cold had lost it’s bite, “My name is f*****g Clara.” The words had crashed over and all that remained was a hollow imitation of myself. I felt the weight of my eyelids and the exhaustion burn into my skull. I looked down at the beaten snow, worn through by the steps someone had taken just moments ago. The sun had begun to set, allowing my senses to return to a sort of equilibrium only to experience a severe shock of frigid cold.

            The seconds had dragged on. The clouds of breath only a few feet in front of my own were audible. I knew that inhale. I felt his failed attempts to amend all with a single sentence, “I don’t,” he paused, “I don’t want this. This isn’t how I want this to go.”

            “Oh, so this isn’t the perfect breakup you had in mind?” He seemed to shift. Admittedly, the harshness had surprised me too. He tried to look at me, get the eye contact he needed to reassure him of my over exaggeration. This was no longer my melodrama; it was abandonment. Charlie continued to search for some empty cliché that would somehow mask all of the pain. His mouth had started to spew apologies and hopes for the future. My eyes shot up to his, “Shut the f**k up. It’s done now. You have stop. Please stop” I took a step forward. I wanted to truly see him once last time. Is it possible that something could seem so foreign so quickly? I was naive for thinking that what I had once seen in him was even there to begin with. Whatever my intent was, I just needed to try, “You’ve ruined a good thing Charlie Stone.” His brows began to burrow causing the revealing the tension between his eyes. I pressed a numb, stinging hand to the creases for a brief moment, “You really ruined it.”

            “I am so sorry Clara.” My name was no longer Maize and he was no longer my Charlie Stone.