Chapter One

Vivian loved of basketball despite life troubles.

Chapter One

 

An old worn-out basketball bounces off the outer court of the playground on to the concrete play area behind of the old YMCA building.   The ball stopped bouncing continues to roll towards a group of girls standing at the edge of the play area wearing baggies shorts and t-shirts.  The ball slowed to a crawl resting at the feet of the tallest girls in the group observing her surrounding watching other children playing making noise and having fun.

 

This person is wearing dull tennis shoes with no socks, her faded blue shorts look two size to big for her extremely skinny frame, her t-shirt hangs off her body blowing like a flag in the wind.  Her facial expression shows she does not want to be there but she had no choice.  The tall girl’s hair cut short but she tries to pull a ponytail look but only having a sprout of hair at the end of the rubber bands.

 

She felt the ball gently touch her foot looking down at the strange object, “Hey!” hearing the voice looking up toward the direction of the sound.  “You, yeah you, bring that ball here!” Yell the older man, reaching down with both hands she picks up the ball holding it away from her body so it will not contaminate her.  Moving her feet toward a group of boys standing under the basketball goal, her attention is on the man station in the middle of the group.  The tall girl steps across the 3-point line on the concrete half court “Stop!”  He called, “Shoot it, and show me what you got.”

 

She stop her progress looking at the man curiously, as she glances at the group of boys smirking and laughing knowing too themselves that she cannot make that shot.  She bounce the ball three times position a stance pitch the ball in the air setting a giant arch, all eyes follow the round orange object as it landed in the middle of the hole barley disturbing the net.  “WHOA!”  Some of the boys were impress and shock, she smile liking the reaction turning walking away, “Hey girl!”  The man yell out again she circle to face him as he bounce pass the ball she caught it holing and rubbing with her fingers. 

 

“I want you to shoot it again, but step behind that white line,” looking back down on the court she see the line stepping behind it.  All the boys know she will miss this one because the first was a lucky shot now with pressure she will miss the only question is how bad she will miss it.  She bounces it three times analyzing the goal shooting it in the air with another high arch.  The ball hit the backboard raddled the rim as it fall into the basket, all the kids in the playground stop their activities to watch this person make the three points play.  The other girls cheered as the ball fell in, the man caught the ball jogged toward her.

 

“What’s you name girl?”

 

“Vivian.”

 

“Well Vivian, have you played basketball before,” ask the man, Vivian shaking her head no.  “Do you want to learn?”  Hearing the approval of the crowd of kids around her and the admiration of the man she nodded yes.  Vivian change her mind, now she looking forward coming to the Y since leaving the hospital and entering the foster home system, her older brother sentence to prison convicted of crimes against children.  Her mother order by the court to enrolled into drug rehab so she can stay out of jail, no relative were found that wanted to keep Vivian.  All of her belonging fit into an old suitcase.

 

Living in the foster home, her skills improve that she join the 6^th grade girls’ team and she move to another foster family.  The coaches saw her quickly picking up the fundamental of the game she smoothly graduated to the 7^th grade team as a starting point-guard, during that time she lived with two other families.  Some of the families could not adjust to Vivian quiet rage, she yarn to be with her mother, annoyed why she cannot be with her.  Each new home she kept all her stuff in the suitcase because she learns to be ready to move at any moment.  Vivian protested her situation by not express any emotion keeping a stone face, but on the court, she is a terror.  She yells jumps and flies across the hardwood taking over the tempo of the game.  Her hands is always moving and fraying stealing balls, blocking shots and grabbing rebounds.

 

Vivian drive is intense to become the best basketball player so she can be a winner because she loved the cheers of the crowd when she makes a score, she is a master of the game and it is therapy to her soul. Her skills are so good that the high school coaches advance her past the freshman team to Junior Varsity with dreams putting her on the Girls Varsity Team.  Then the social worker moves her again to another home, but this time it is a single older woman, Gloria.

 

The front door opens stands a woman looking like a TV show grandmother with white hair, chubby cheeks smiling, shape round right for giving big bear hugs, “Oh, hello Vivian, I was expecting you.”  Vivian had to catch herself from smiling because Gloria expression of happiness is contagious she must keep her rigid persona, Gloria taking her hand leading to the bedroom chatting to her as they walk.

 

“I did not know you are so tall, I my neck is going to get a crick looking up so many times,” Gloria laughs the classic granny laugh, she open the door of the bedroom, Vivian is taken back as the room is decorate in pinks and lavender colors, bedding and window treatment.  In her mind she liked it, so petty but she is a harden teenager basketball player this room is for little girls princes, “I hope you like it.”  Vivian step inside the room placing her suitcase on the floor.

 

“It will do,” she spoke knowing she will not be staying long; a few weeks has past and Gloria seem different from all of the other foster parents.  Vivian in her own wisdom knows it is an act, cooking breakfast every morning, fixing homemade cookies and do not mind how many she eats.  This woman is happy and never reacts badly how Vivian treats her, not thankful and a hardy attitudes.  Then Gloria decided enough that Vivian is living out of her suitcase, she open the door grabbing hold of her old case opening it unpacking her clothes placing it in the dresser Vivian is bothered by her.

 

“Vivian, this is your room, that you dresser,” she glance down the hall, “There is your bathroom,” turning her head facing the double sliding doors in her room, “and that’s is your closet.  Vivian this is your home, that your bed.  You are home!” Vivian shaking her head violently no, Gloria grabbing her shoulders, “I know you want to be with you mother, but until she able to come and get you this is your home.”  Showing a big grin Gloria left the room closing the door, Vivian sat down on the bed tears rolling down as she longing to be with her mother.  All she wants is to be with her mom, but Gloria is sweet in Vivian opinion.

 

Reviews

[K. D. Kromminga]

What other readers of your work may be failing to consider is that you are experimenting with character viewpoint and trying to find a pattern of language that fits your character. Though it appears you are using the viewpoint of the basketball in the beginning of the chapter and switch to Vivian's later on in the chapter(as there is little mention of the old worn basketball later on)

If you are doing that you may want to consider doing that in dialogue only editing the rest of the story so that people can understand it better in context. Don't totally eliminate the language content out of the story, just tweak the structure outside of dialogue. Most of the problems I've seen are actually in verb tenses.

Example:
"She bounce the ball three times position a stance pitch the ball in the air setting a giant arch, all eyes follow the round orange object as it landed in the middle of the hole barley disturbing the net"
Editing suggestions example:
"She bounced the ball three times. Positioning her stance, she pitched the ball in the air, setting a giant arch. All eyes follow the round orange object as it lands in the middle of the hole(maybe 'basket' would be more appropriate term/word to use), barely disturbing the net." *
*Notice how shortening the sentences also helps avoid verb tense confusion.

Beyond the problems with verb tenses a minor confusion in the viewpoint, I like the content of the story and am interested in seeing where you will go with it from here.

[Lonnie Paul Johnson]

Thank you for the review and the suggestion you gave about verb tenses. I hope you keep reading the story. the first three chapter is mostly about Vivian, next few chapter you will encounter Zack.