On You, Across The Table

We all want to believe our children will love us
Hold us, kiss us, stay with us,
and wrap their little hands around our fingers
Big eyes watch big people with big love

But they're a squirmy type
Run away, out of our arms
No matter how far we stretch

Exploring dust bunnies in corners
Carrying shoes to bury in the sand box
They all, will all, run away

And you see then,
Perhaps they are not yours.

Individuals behind those big eyes
And we, again, are left to watch
Like past loves left,
Mother, fathers, gone,
And a thousand friends,
drifted away

We own no one,
Our children owe nothing
And we will all realize how little we are
How alone we are

And in that we must find some happiness
We must find some truth
For them, for us,
For you

Reviews

[Nathan Strange]

Hey man, Charles, I've never read much of your stuff and I'm not gonna blow sunshine up your arse as you are the owner of the website. Let me tell you something pal, this is f*****g good mate. It sums up how I feel at the moment! I'm just sitting in front of my computer screen waiting for the computer to speak to me, waiting for reviews. I'm too tired to review at the moment, I can't think let alone read!
I have a beer in front of me sitting by the keyboard. My forehead is creased up, my eyes black, yet I sit here endlessly, waiting for inspiration to write something. I have this dying urge to want to produce just something, even if it's tedious, yet I know that I'm in no state of mind to write anything half decent.
I saw you were on line and thought, let me read something of Charles's for once. He is responsible for this site. Well man your words spoke to me, that last stanza;

Unable to maintain this moment
This connection
This intimacy
Required to record it
Such is the curse of a writer

[Nessa Saralonde]

"such is the curse of a writer
The pretense of an author"

Speaks volumes. I think every writer feels like this at some point in time... the more you feel it, the better you write. Sometimes, my writing makes me feel too detached from the rest of my world simply because I have to write. I love the honesty of this piece... I empathise with every syllable.

Fantastic write.

*Nessa*

[Marie]

nice...i believe that writing in some instances is more important than living.

[Amber C.]

this was a really interesting piece to read... i feel like the way you described all of the thoughts inside your head so eloquently helped me relate to it better..... last stanza was amazing, but everyone's been saying that and my reviews are sometimes unoriginal... but honestly, great job. this was excellent.

[Jeff Brown]

"All agents defect and all resistors sell-out. That�s the sad truth, and a writer lives the same sad truth as anyone, he just files a report." - The Clark-Nova Bugwriter in "Naked Lunch" (the movie)

This piece is good. Normally I like more latinate diction, but the matter-of-fact word choices work here as they decieve the reader into believing that this is a simple poem. Its quite ambivalent.

"Wrinkled forehead
Tired eyes
The darkness outside
The table light, bubble of glow
Papers and pens
Tea and napkins
Bags and books"

I think this cascade of simple images is the best part of the poem. It creates a feeling, for me, more than the explicative sections--in this section you "mantain [the] moment"--that is what poetry should do.

My only suggestion would be to somehow clear up these lines:

"Sorry I watch you so
I don't read with you anymore I'm afraid"

Being that you rely on sparse punctuation (a few ceasuras and no end-stopping) the reader has to make inferences as to which lines are enjambed and which are complete thoughts. By ending the first of those two lines with 'so', it seems that they are connected, yet ending it with 'afraid' leads me to believe that the second line is a complete thought. Its kind of unclear. Other than that this is well written.

[Adam McWhorter]

This is a great piece. I can picture myself in this poem so well... The way you lose that beautiful moment, because you are driven to write it down. God - I have experienced that so many times. Believe me. Damn, I am in love with your last stanza -

"Unable to maintain this moment
This connection
This intimacy
Required to record it
Such is the curse of a writer"

I have actually been faced with this issue recently. So, it's weird that I found your poem tonight. I called Nick the other day to make sure he was cool with me posting work about my relationship with him ("The Kiss", "For Nick", "Allegro con Bio", "Drips onto White Carpet"). He said he was, and after a brief convorsation we decided to see each other tomorrow. But tonight, I've been looking at my work - so damned much of it is about him. I had to record it, in a way I guess I thought that by making these moments into poems they'd live forever... and that we'd be forever. I hadn't even realized I hadn't seen this person in a year! It's like living through the poetry... I wonder how much I missed because I was so driven to make our (now 6 year) on again off again relationship into art. Sorry... I went on WAY too long about my own s**t. Moving on -

But that's a good thing right? When the reader can put his/ herself into the work, or better yet - take away some kind of enlightenment from it's text. Whether the writer meant for it to be taken that way or not. LOL. Structure is wonderful in this piece as well. The word choices, skillful and precise -

"The table light, bubble of glow
Papers and pens
Tea and napkins
Bags and books"

Again, I really like this piece. No negative criticism to give, I'm afraid. Honestly. Great work.

Adam McWhorter

[J. Hampton]

"wrinkled forehead,tired eyes" ...Home hitting stuff Charlie !!!
Perhaps you could change using " jumbled words" twice in such a short piece
it distracted me.
We do will away....hrs,days,weeks and more over a lifetime love affair with words.
we can capture ....but can't keep them
It is not a ( curse) but a blessing in obsessing....cuz how many people can stay on the "grind" like us...eh ?
It ((( IS ))))) living !!!
Loved this ....scribe Blesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

[Sonia Nunez]

Words can't express how much I loved this poem! So romantic yet discreet. And I like these last lines,
"The pretense of an author
Who wills away days
Writing, and believing
It's more important than living.."

I agree with that very much. Thanks for the read.

Sonia.

[Jake Hajer]

The last stanza is very real, very truthful, for anyone who writes...and truth is the greatest thing I know.

[John(agudwun)]

How can I review a poem that I consider perfection ?
Perhaps just a gentle thought to help you when you have
the feeling that nobody knows you are there. Maybe a few
words to let you know that somebody considers this perfection.
I may be wrong, I am an amateur, but even we amateurs are often
right. Please continue strong in your pursuit, you have a great talent
expand on it please . We may all thank you . I thank you NOW.
My rating: FIVE STARS and FAVORITE

[Elegance]

Sometimes, when I go to the library, I feel so lost in my own little world. I look about the room, the silence all around I pay close attention to others reading, writing, studying and looking through the literature as if it were a lover lost. In the words you paint I can feel the intimacy that you speak of. I have felt it before and will no doubt again. I love to write, I love to read and above all else, I love to believe it is all real.

GREAT WRITE....

Five stars......