On You, Across The Table

We all want to believe our children will love us
Hold us, kiss us, stay with us,
and wrap their little hands around our fingers
Big eyes watch big people with big love

But they're a squirmy type
Run away, out of our arms
No matter how far we stretch

Exploring dust bunnies in corners
Carrying shoes to bury in the sand box
They all, will all, run away

And you see then,
Perhaps they are not yours.

Individuals behind those big eyes
And we, again, are left to watch
Like past loves left,
Mother, fathers, gone,
And a thousand friends,
drifted away

We own no one,
Our children owe nothing
And we will all realize how little we are
How alone we are

And in that we must find some happiness
We must find some truth
For them, for us,
For you

Reviews

[Nathan Strange]

Hey man, Charles, I've never read much of your stuff and I'm not gonna blow sunshine up your arse as you are the owner of the website. Let me tell you something pal, this is f*****g good mate. It sums up how I feel at the moment! I'm just sitting in front of my computer screen waiting for the computer to speak to me, waiting for reviews. I'm too tired to review at the moment, I can't think let alone read!
I have a beer in front of me sitting by the keyboard. My forehead is creased up, my eyes black, yet I sit here endlessly, waiting for inspiration to write something. I have this dying urge to want to produce just something, even if it's tedious, yet I know that I'm in no state of mind to write anything half decent.
I saw you were on line and thought, let me read something of Charles's for once. He is responsible for this site. Well man your words spoke to me, that last stanza;

Unable to maintain this moment
This connection
This intimacy
Required to record it
Such is the curse of a writer

[.]

I find whenever I try to write a review I stop short and have nothing to say. The writing says it all. I'm gong to prasise this because it's awesome, brilliant...and there is nothing more to add, quite simply. You said it.

[Gandré]

This is a successful, beautiful poem. You created images and let them run down the text. The flow is beautiful, it 's a film, I see and follow while reading. I loved how you pictured her scatter-brained way...a kind of? "The table light, bubble of glow Papers and pens Tea and napkins Bags and books"Ineresting, how we see ourselves... I also wrote a piece about the state of a writer and posted it here. I liked the end very much, for yes, when we are writing, we forget everything around us, we don't see anything...because someting on our mind what has just has to be written down. All togehter a successful poem with a suprising turn at the end.lara

[Dark Cloud]

I love how the mind can be put to paper and how the mind puts to piece the works in which we continue to create. You have a wonderful mind for these poems and I love this poem and I enjoy reading it. Wonderful job!

[Michael Carr]

I really like this. It's a beautifully written and profound, but simple, piece. You keep the tone in a calm collective manner, needy somewhat (in a childlike way) that really works for the subject. The imagery is simple but never dull. all in all, I think you did a great job.

mike.

[Mike P.]

That last stanza is what got me. Sometimes we write as if to force nature to grant us the wishes we commit to paper. Well written.
Cheers
6

[Doug Case]

This is amazing. Many times I've felt similar feelings - to write an experience down rather than continue living in that moment. Some would say it's a curse...but I prefer to think of it as the beginnings of something great.

[Short Stories, A Collec..]

**And staring across the table
I see you lost in the world of jumbled words
Wrinkled forehead
Tired eyes
The darkness outside
The table light, bubble of glow
Papers and pens
Tea and napkins
Bags and books **

This is my favorite part of this poem. Most of the poem is fluid, really gets across a sense of place and emotion. The last two lines make me want to know more about the writer. The last 6 lines are a bit of a jarring transition, how the poem/writer goes from observing to being the observed. But, I think, that might work here. Still, the last stanza could use a bit of refining.

[Ciao.]

No s**t, Charles. Especially writers must live. Because writing about writing and writing about reading doesn't make for very interesting reading material in the end, not even for writers.

This is a very good poem. Only one thing I found jarring was the repetition of the phrase/image "jumbled words". The rest was so damn smooth and unique that seeing/reading that term again in such a short space stuck out as a little rough.

The last stanza is brilliant, though.

[JR]

Good little message in the end, especially in the electronic age, where we do tend to get so caught up that we forget the act of living is what fuels the art of writing. Poignant, dude. I love the images in this piece, too... "The table light, bubble of glow / Papers and pens," I can see this in my head, and it resonates, like all good poetry must. Nice use of color and everyday objects to draw the reader in and give them something to identify with, very effective.

I'm always wary about starting a stanza with "And." The reason is that is just run-on sounding... look at the second stanza. Would it read just as well as, "Staring across the table / I see you lost in the world of jumbled words?" Especially since this is a split with the first stanza, where you were reading together? Just something to ponder.

I love the contrast between these two lines: "The darkness outside / The table light, bubble of glow," very disparate and yet compelling. To tighten this already powerful image, maybe you should consider cutting out the placeholders (read as "the"), like, "Darkness outside / Table light, bubble of glow." It just smoothes things out, and the mind is already going to do all the indentifying for the reader anyway.

Awesome poem, I love the progression and growth in the speaker; he moves from the shared vision of the lover to the detached and analytical vision of the writer, yet returns with redemption in the last two lines. This is a powerful piece.

[Krystal Waters]

You put the words in motion and detailed up to the moment of truth. Every writer seems to have something going through their head. Yes, something to write about. You connected the dots and made the writer real. Most people think it's just a hobby but for those who live to write is their lives.

--Krystal--