Pretend

I used to pretend that words didn’t hurt me.

That they didn’t affect me.

That they didn’t change me.

I used to say that they went in one ear,

And out the other.

No second thought,

Just gone.

But that was a lie.

The words did hurt me.

Every word changed the way I saw others,

And myself.

I used to pretend that I was just a klutz.

That I had friends.

That I wasn’t pushed down constantly.

I used to say that I just fell,

Just hurt myself.

That it was all me,

And just me.

But that was a lie.

They pushed me down.

They hurt me.

All the cuts and bruises,

They were all hate,

Reminders of where I stood,

And who loved me:

No one.

I used to pretend that I was happy.

That I didn’t notice all the fighting.

That I didn’t notice she was dying.

I used to say everything was fine.

That my life was “perfect”,

Nothing was wrong.

But that was a lie.

I was depressed.

I was hurting,

On the inside,

And the outside.

Nothing was “perfect”.

Nothing was fine.