Why?

I can’t smile anymore.

It’s too hard.

I’m too insecure,

Too broken,

Too sad on the inside.

I don’t even know why I feel like this.

Everything in my life is good.

I have plenty of people in my life who love me.

I went through a time where no one loved me,

Yet I could still smile.

Why could I smile when my whole life was shattered,

Yet I can’t even crack a smile now?

I just feel so broken,

So shattered.

Everything triggers me:

Other people smiling,

A kiss,

A touch from a loved one,

Even a word can break me.

Why could I not trust someone I loved?

Why was the first thought in my head:
Are they going to hurt me?

Why is my past haunting me still,

Even though I let go?

Why do people leave me?

Why do people think i’m crazy?

Why can’t my scars leave?

Will I ever be able to tell the people I love that I love them?

Why?

I question everything now.

I opened up and trusted,

But that was a mistake.

I am now curled up,

Hiding from everything.

And I lied about everything.

I said I was fine.

I said that I was strong enough.

I said I trusted.

I trusted a little,

But not fully,

And now,

Now i’m back to who I once was.

Now i’m lost,

And I don’t even know why.

Why?

Reviews

[Michael (Letters and Li..]

Very honest and raw and real and heartfelt. I can feel your pain and confusion in every word and it's relatable. You have a great way and talent of expressing your emotions with words. I admire that. Thank you for sharing this.