SICK

today i was sick and i want to express my feelings in a poem.

my heart can't stop beating

faster and faster

my eyes can't take it any more

from all the crying

i am shaking the grounds

my hair is falling out

all because i touched you.

i am on my way

to the trail

of death

because...

i am SICK!

Reviews

[Eric Pudalov]

Wow, that's intense! I didn't interpret it as being about literal sickness at first, because of the "all because I touched you" line.

It must be that I tend to think symbolically, so I looked at it as being in a whirlwind relationship, or having sex with someone and having to deal with the repercussions. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it, and I actually think it works well being such a brief poem.

Too often, some writers will assume that writing lengthy, epic poems makes them better, but in my opinion, that only works if you have a good story. I also like the fact that you chose to write everything in lowercase, because that also adds to the pace of the poem. Keep it up!

[Talia The Hedgehog]

arn't we all? (or most of us)