if the sun rise thrice

sonnet

if the sun rise thrice
set your date at much prize
as you rise

and must place great thrice
save the sun thrice
rise on thrice
there is prize as price

if sun rise thrice
though the sun might set twice
price the sun
  
the worth is wealthy
you might find it healthy
save the as thrice
rise as wise.

Reviews

[Bright Ocean Star]

Nice concept. You've hit on a really good, original idea: the sun rising three times. I like that. The poem needs a bit of work, though. You've obviously got a passion for the word 'thrice'. It is great word with great verbal texture, but great words are like a fine wine. They shouldn't be over-used, but used with great precision and presentation. I really do like this one, though. Nice job!