Chapter 1-4

Chapter 1

I sat in the office chair as quiet tears streamed down my face once again. How many times have I done this? Three, Five, Eight?  Who knows, I stopped counting long ago. For me, it was just another day at Marco’s, A lovely oasis where patrons could come and listen to low soothing music while enjoying a nice clean meal off our newly remodeled menu. At least that’s what corporate thinks. To me, it’s just a place for people who don’t have offices to come and use free wif

i and complain about the workers all while sipping on a nice cup of tea or small coffee. What a wonderful oasis.

A knock on the door brought me back from the dark place in my head. I had a moment to quickly wipe my face before the office door opened and Joanie poked her head inside. She took one look at my red watery eyes and knew that I had been crying again. Joanie walked into the office and closed the door quietly behind her. Looking over at Joanie I couldn’t help but admire her beauty. Her long brown hair was twisted into a braid that stopped just before her waist. Her five-foot-six-inch figure was made up of long slender legs and a short waist. Her Asian heritage dominated her features so much that you couldn’t tell she was Peruvian as well by looking at her.

Brushing her bangs to the side Joanie leaned against the office door and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Two little words were all it took for the floodgates to open up again. The problem with asking someone that question is that you have to be ready to hear the response. Lucky for me Joanie was sincere and genuinely cared about my well-being. Patting my nose with my now soiled tissue I cleared my throat and tried giving a response.

“I don’t know, I'm just really depressed and I don’t want to be here”.

“No one wants to be here, this place sucks” came the snarky reply.

I snorted as a small smile crept onto my face. This is why Joanie and I got along so well. We always know what to say to one another to help lift each other’s spirits. Or maybe it is because we are both miserable losers who hate our lives. You know what they say, misery loves company. Either way, our friendship works.

Deciding that I had enough of Marco's and people for the day I picked up my purse and chicken caesar salad with olives, my fave, and turned towards the door.  "I'm heading out okay, talk to you later." Walking over to give me a tight hug Joanie murmured "You know I'm here for you right? Call me if you need anything." Nodding my head I left the office and headed out to my car.

The drive home was always a form of therapy for me. Sitting in the car, blasting music while allowing my brain to wander. Occasionally I would look out the window at the big traditional-style houses with beautifully manicured lawns and litter-free sidewalks and dream about a life I'd never have. All too quickly the exit leading me home came up and all the beautiful scenery was replaced with litter-filled streets and worn down houses and apartment complexes. Pulling up to the three-family home I currently stayed at, I scowled at the dirty blue shingles that covered the home, the overgrown grass the landlord has yet to cut, and scattered bits of trash scavenged from the trash bin the night before by stray cats that wander the streets.

 Opening the door to my apartment I was immediately greeted by the loud obnoxious yelling and foot-stomping by the lovely neighbors that occupied the second floor. Not bothering with the lights  I maneuvered my way to the kitchen and sat down to enjoy my chicken caesar salad with olives. This was my life: every day I would wake up, go to work for eight hours, drive home, eat, shower, sleep and repeat. My social life did not exist outside of work. Sure I had work friends as I call them and we would check up on each other occasionally but as far as leaving the house and going out to "hang out" that did not happen.

Cleaning up my mess I took a quick shower and went to bed. Closing my eyes I felt myself slowly drifting to sleep, and that's when it happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

I felt something cold and moist on my cheek. Opening my eyes I realized that I was on the floor. A hard grey stone-covered floor to be exact. Picking myself up I began to look around. I noticed that I was in a long dark hallway with fire lamps flickering every few feet. The sound of laughter could be heard from a distance. Deciding that I needed help figuring out where I was I cautiously walked towards the laughter. Following the hall, I came upon a huge dining room filled with handsome males all dressed in various colored suits; and gorgeous women all dressed up in their most beautiful dresses. As I stepped into the room a smooth male voice spoke to me.

"Welcome my dear, it's about time you arrived. "

Suddenly a handsome male strolled over to me and kissed my hand.

"You look gorgeous," he said with a heart-stopping smile."

My name is Stefan, and what is your name, beautiful lady?

Looking up at him I lost all sense of time. This man was breathtaking.

Stefan had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. His eyes were a mesmerizing deep ocean blue, with flecks of silver that sparkled with mischief. A strong angular jaw with a chiseled chin. His perfect lips were soft and ripe for the kissing. His strong hands held mine as he stared deep into my eyes. His strong toned body was covered in a slick black three-piece suit with diamond buttons. His black shoulder-length hair was sleeked back with a gentle curl at the ends. Being as handsome as he was I guess Stefan must get used to the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way. However, despite all the opportunities that came his way Stefan was a one-woman-man, and his woman had just arrived.

Coming out of my stupor I swallowed and licked my now dry lips.

"Milania" I replied shyly while Stefan just continued to smile and hold my hand.

"Milania huh, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman."

We continued to stare at one another, ocean blue eyes met honey brown. The sound of someone clearing their throat brought us back to the party.

"Stefan, aren't you going to introduce your guest to the rest of us?

Stefan looked over at the arrogant blonde with her cool, calculating blue eyes and lean figure and gave a strained smirk.

"Of course Lillith". Grabbing my hand Stefan walked me over to a group of people waiting patiently by the dining room table.

"Good Evening everyone I would like to introduce you all to my gemmetta Milania."

Immediately different shouts rang into the air. The loudest coming from Lillith.

"She's your what!!! How is this possible!?"

Ignoring her loud outburst Stefan continued to address the room.

"I know this is a bit of a shock but I've known about Milania for quite some time."

This admission had me stunned. How the heck did he know about me? I thought with a confused expression on my face. And what the heck is a gemmetta? I was beyond confused at this point but kept a smile on my face nonetheless. Stefan would have to explain all of this to me later.

After the announcement, Stefan dragged me outside to a balcony overlooking a beautiful garden. All the while I could feel the deathly glare on my back coming from Lillith. Walking through the french doors I was mesmerized once again. A pond was built in the center of the garden, glistening under the moonlight, and teeming with life. Beautiful seven-foot hedges with roses growing out of them decorated the garden making a maze with a pond in the middle. Marble slabs lay here and there presenting the visitors with an elegant walkway to discover the garden. Fireflies and garden lamps sparkled throughout the garden illuminating the roses and pathway. It was a truly enchanting sight.

Turning to face me Stefan gave me a long slow once over from head to toe. Everywhere he looked I felt the warmth from his heated gaze.

" You are quite the specimen he said." Your skin is like creamy caramel and your hair is like waves of exotic dark chocolate. That dress fits you like a glove, I am glad I chose it."

Looking down at myself I finally noticed the elegant red dress I was wearing. The dress covers only a small portion of my shoulders and flows down into a tasteful halter neckline. It's a snug fit which makes the dress look comfortable, yet elegant and stylish. It's left simple, elegant, and undecorated, creating a look that flows from top to bottom. Paired with black red bottom kitten heels the overall looked had simplicity and elegance.

Blushing with embarrassment at the compliment I responded with a meek thank you. Clearing my throat I asked with genuine curiosity, " So what was all that back there? Who is that Lillith woman and why does she keep staring at me and why am I here to begin wit?"

Releasing a short laugh Stefan's eyes twinkled down at me. " So anxious my little gemmetta, I will answer all of your questions." "First you are attending a Welcome home party thrown in my honor. I have been away for many years and have only just returned a few days ago. Second, you are here because I summoned you here. I wished to have my gemmetta by my side for the evening. As for Lillith, she is unimportant. Do not worry your pretty little head about her."

"Okay," I sighed "Can I ask you something else?"

"Anything" came the quick reply.

" What does gemmetta mean?"

Smiling with his eyes sparkling with mischief he replied:" That my lovely gemmetta is my little secret, for now. Come let us return to the party."

Walking inside I noticed that all the guests had coupled up and were swaying smoothly to the low soothing music. Looking at Stefan nervously, I noticed he had his hand out for me. With a smirk, he asked, "May I have this dance?" Nodding my head I tentatively grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull me onto the dance floor. Placing my hands on his shoulders and his on my waist we began swaying to the music.

He turned elegantly, his body in tune with the slow music. The warmth between us grew more powerful by the second. My heartbeat was growing steadily along with it. Our dance was perfect; everything from our breathing to how our feet moved in sync. If by the end of this dance my breath is taken away, I would know the exact reason why. Stefan guided me across the dance floor as if we were in a dream. He kept his eyes on me, yet still, he knew exactly where to take me. Every moment, every angle seemed to be planned in advance. Nothing felt forced; I literally thought I was floating.

"Stefan," I whispered, "everyone is looking at us."

He squeezed my hand slightly and smiled "Really" he chuckled softly " I hadn't noticed."

That was when I decided to let go. Let my worries, my pain, and sorrow go. Right here, right now I was living. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore; I allowed him to take me anywhere he pleased on this dance floor. We became one with the song, with the dance, and with each other. When the song ended Stefan took me by the waist and lowered me into a smooth dip. staring at one another our breath mixed as we both exhaled harshly. Stefan gave my lips a lingering look and before I could register what he was doing his lips came crashing down on mine for an intimate kiss. Closing my eyes I enjoyed the moment. The feel of his lips on my mine. The heat radiated from my body as he deepened the kiss. It felt like I was falling and floating all at the same time. My eyelids began to flutter open and suddenly I was back in my room with my alarm blaring.

I was startled to see that I was back in my bedroom. Turning off the alarm, I ran my hand through my waist-length wavy hair and sighed. That was one hell of a dream. Putting my fingers to my lips I could still feel the warmth from Stefan's kiss. Shaking my head I decided it was time to leave fantasy land and get back to reality. It was time for work.

 

 

Chapter 3

Walking into Marco's I immediately felt my mood darken. I really hate this place. I thought as I plastered a fake smile on my face and greeted my coworkers as I quickly made my way to the office. Joanie was there waiting for me with a pack of snickers and a hug. Good ole Joanie, she always knows exactly what I need.  Returning her hug I graced her with a smile and asked: "so how is your day going so far?"

 "My day is going as good as it can. But enough about me, how are you feeling today?"

Taking time to really access my mood I answered: "honestly, I feel great." 

Joanie gave me a scrutinizing look before nodding her head once. "Okay, I believe you. Now let's get to work after we eat some chocolate."

 Laughing I shook my head at her "sounds like a plan to me." 

The rest of the day was uneventful. It was spent helping the workers on the production line or cashiering. Taking the occasional walk around the cafe to check for debris or safety issues. Interacting with the customers, and so on. Before I knew it, it was time for me to go home, so I grabbed my infamous chicken caesar with olives and made my way home.  Once there I ate my salad and decided to do some yoga. I put my hair up into a ponytail and changed into my bright pink and yellow workout top and black yoga pants.

Since I am a beginner at yoga I wasn't able to do a lot of the poses or keep my balance very often but I did enjoy yoga. It helped me clear my mind and relax. Just as I was doing the downward dog pose I felt as if someone was watching me. Getting up and looking around I was completely alone in the house but I still felt eyes on me. Deciding I had enough yoga I went to take a shower and being that I had the whole day off tomorrow I decided to watch a movie. I put in my favorite movie Avatar and as the movie progressed I slowly started to dose off.

Suddenly I was falling, surrounded by nothing but darkness. It was as if I was falling into a bottomless pit. Then Slowly a patch of burgundy came rushing towards me. Closer and closer it got until I landed with a whoosh of air escaping my mouth. Thankfully the nice plush carpet softened the blow, but I was still a bit winded. Sitting up I saw Stefan rushing over to me.

" Are you alright love?" Helping me to my feet, his eyes quickly looked over my body.

 Blushing I answered with a shy "Yes".  "So where are we this time?" I asked looking around curiously.

"We are in my office love."

"And why exactly are we in your office?" I asked inquisitively

"Because I have some very important letters to send off and then you and I are going to spend some quality time together." He said with a heated gaze

Unable to look away I swallowed hard and returned the stare. He was such a handsome man, I certainly did not mind the sight. Slowly he began to walk over to me, his ocean blue eyes darkened the closer he got to me. Suddenly he pulled me into a heated kiss. Stunned I just stood there but slowly I began to move my lips with his. He began to deepen the kiss, biting my lip in order to gain access. When I obliged he growled and plunged his tongue with force into my mouth. I was floating once again. Fully engrossed in the passion this beautiful man embed upon my lips. All too soon the kiss ended and Stefan put his forehead against mine, breathing harshly. Cradling my cheek he placed a quick tender kiss on my lips before pulling away. 

Walking over to his desk he picked up the phone and was soon talking to someone, however, I was unable to hear the conversation over the sound of my own breathing. Using my yoga teachings I closed my eyes and began breathing in and out slowly to regain my breath and slow down my heartbeat. Opening my eyes I was met with ocean blue. Startled I took a step.

Lifting his hands in innocence Stefan graced me with a smile. "Sorry I did not mean to startle you." He said with a serious look. "So," he said sticking his hands in his pocket " I see you like yoga."

"Yes I do like yoga, but how did you know?"

"I saw you earlier and I have to say I was thoroughly...impressed."

"What do you mean you saw me, how did you see me!?"

Before Stefan could answer there was a brisk knock on the door.

"Ah," he said, "That must be Ellie. You may Enter."

In burst a petite young girl with a head full of red bouncy curls and slanted baby blue eyes. "I got the dress ready for you sir," she said in a sweet Irish accent.

"Very good " he replied. Turning to me he beckoned me over with a nod of his head. Holding my waist tightly he began introductions.

"Ellie, I would like you to meet my gemmetta Milania, Milania this is Ellie, one of the maids here. She will be taking you to get changed for the surprise I have waiting for you."

Without another word, Ellie grasped hold of my wrist and began pulling me towards the door. Looking back at Stefan he was standing with his hands in his pocket, watching me as Ellie pulled me away.

After walking down several corridors and up a flight of stairs, we arrived at a beautifully carved wooden door. Elli opened the door and dragged me inside and I lost my breath again for the millionth time.

I looked about me in amazement. A large bed looking like a snowdrift, so white and feathery was in the middle of the room. One large bay window framed the room with a view of the beautiful maze garden. The walls were white except for one by the head of the bed was blue and covered in beautiful hand-painted murals, the colors strong and vibrant. The carpet was also blue with a soft plush thread. A blue vanity sat across from the bed with beautiful oval lights located on the top. Overall the room was comfortably elegant.

Walking into the room I saw a beautiful white lace dress with ocean blue heels beneath it lying in wait on the bed.

"Okay Miss," Ellie said in a cheerful voice. "Let's get you dressed.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

Walking down the stairs in my knee-length, white lacey dress, blue heels, and hair tied up in a bun, I met Stefan. He looked handsome in an all-black suit and slicked-back hair. His ocean blue eyes sparkled as I descended and by the time I reached him, they had darkened considerably.

"You look magnificent," he said as he placed a kiss on my hand.

"Thank you. You look very handsome ." I replied while smiling up at him, "now will you tell me where we are going?

"Patience my little gemmetta, you will know soon enough.

Pouting I nodded my head. He was right of course I didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Grabbing my hand he guided me outside to a beautiful white Rolls Royce. Once inside he pulled out a black napkin and tied it over my eyes. After that, a comfortable silence spread throughout the car. Stefan grabbed my hand and held it for the remainder of the ride.

After the thirty-minute drive, Stefan gently guided me into what I can only assume to be a building of some sort. Once inside he released the blindfold and I blinked several times to allow my eyes to adjust to the light. What I saw was breathtaking.

We were inside a beautiful restaurant with black and white chairs and beautiful mahogany tables covered by a pristinely pressed white linen cloth. Black curtains covered the huge windows and dim recessed lighting set the mood. The overall effect was romantic elegance which I absolutely loved.

Looking around I also noticed that the restaurant was empty except for one waiter and a chef both waiting patiently for us to sit and order our meal. 

Curiously I turned to Stefan and asked, "where is everybody?"

Shrugging he said, "Everyone who needs to be here is present my gemmetta."

"oh okay," I responded still looking around as if waiting for a crowd of people to appear out of thin air.

Placing his hand on my lower back Stefan began to guide me towards a table in the middle of the restaurant. Pulling out my chair I thanked Stefan and took a seat at the elegant table. As soon as Stefan was in his seat the waiter appeared at our table with two menus, holding one out for each of us. Stefan simply waved his away and ordered a steak rare with red wine.

Looking over my menu my eyes immediately rested on something called chicken kastoori. Reading the description my mouth began to water: "Succulent pieces of boneless chicken marinated in ginger and garlic, spiced with freshly ground pepper and chargrilled to perfection."

Hmm, I thought, I was definitely getting this chargrilled perfection.

Smiling at the waiter, I ordered the chicken kastoori with red wine and handed my menu back to the waiter who rushed off to tell the chef. Minutes later he returned with a bottle of red wine, filled our glasses, and left the bottle on the table. With a bow, he made a hasty retreat to the back.

Wow, I thought as I stared after him, the service here is great.

Turning towards Stefan, he was looking at me with a strange glint in his eyes. Clearing my throat I asked, "So, how long did it take for you to clear this place for tonight?"

Swirling his wine he took a sip and sighed. "It took me exactly one minute to make the phone call and half an hour for the place to be empty and ready for our arrival.

With my jaw slacked I looked at him in amazement. Who was this man!?

I suddenly became nervous and struggled to think about what to say to this seemingly powerful man. Thankfully our food arrived and saved me the embarrassment of trying to start a conversation.

Stabbing into my chicken kastoori, I sighed in contentment as the flavors erupted into my mouth. The chicken really was soft and succulent and charred to perfection and the ginger, garlic, and pepper danced along my tongue in a beautiful ballet of flavors. I was in heaven. 

Looking up from my meal, I saw Stefan staring at me with amusement in his eyes, his food barely touched. I, however, had gone through half of my meal. Blushing in embarrassment I put down my fork and picked up wine.

"So", Stefan mused, "I would ask how do you like your meal, but I see that you are enjoying it thoroughly. He said with mirth sparkling in his eyes.

Blushing deeper, I cleared my throat. "Yes", I am enjoying it thoroughly. I said embarrassment coating my voice. "Did you not enjoy your meal?" I asked inquisitively. Looking at his scarcely touched steak.

"The Steak is quite tasty. I simply yearn for something more" he said giving me a heated stare.

I blinked in response, not knowing what to say I began eating once more.

Ten minutes later I was happily stuffed and sipping on more wine, a nice buzz beginning to overtake me.

Looking over at Stefan he was pushing his steak around his plate. "I need to tell you something," he said.

Noticing the nervous look on his face I took a sip of wine and gave him my undivided attention. "What is it?"

"Well", he said nervously, "I'm a vampire"

Reviews

[JayG]

• I sat in the office chair as quiet tears streamed down my face once again.

You should have posted this here and on other online writing sites to get reaction before self-publishing, because, and I hate to be the one to break the news, if you submitted this to publishers/agents before release, right here is where the rejection came. And for most readers, a rejection will come before the end of paragraph 1.

It’s not because of talent, or how well you write, though,. And, the problems aren’t your fault. But still, it’s true. And I say that not as personal opinion, but as someone who has taught at workshops, owned a manuscript critiquing service, and has signed multiple publisher’s contracts. I also have the solution, and, it’s free. But more on that, later.

One thing we, as authors, absolutely must do is edit from the seat of the reader who lacks context when they arrive. Our own knowledge of the story will hide the problems from us if we don’t—as they did for you.

So, I’m going to hit you with a reader/editor’s view of the problems—as they will view it. I’m doing that because you need to know, and understand why a simple, Just reword a few lines won’t do it. It will sting though. So, beginning with the first line, above:

You cannot say, “I sat in THE office chair.” First, we can’t have “the” chair when you’ve introduced none to be specific about. Remember, as we read this we don’t know what’s going on, where we are in time and space, or, whose skin we wear. And without that, the words are meaningless. That's why, on entering ANY scene, we need to address those issues quickly.

And how can tears stream “once again,” when there hasn’t been a first time? Remember, we don’t yet know the protagonist's age, gender, situation, or why they're crying.

• How many times have I done this?

Done...what? And why are you asking the reader? They haven’t a clue of what’s going on. It matters not at all if clarification comes as early as the next line because you cannot retroactively remove confusion, or, have a second first-impression.

• For me, it was just another day at Marco’s

First you say this and then you tell them what Marco’s is? You’re talking TO the reader as if they can hear you, and see the speaker and the setting. But they can’t.

See how different what the reader gets is from your intent, and what you “hear” as you read?

But look at another, more important problem: You’re writing this like a report. You, someone who is not on the scene, are talking about it in retrospect, using overview and summation, and in a voice whose emotion cannot be heard. Sure, on stage you have to do that because you’re the only performer. But on the page you have all the actors needed, living the story as it unfolds—if, you learn how to do that.

The single most important thing your teachers didn’t tell you about fiction—because no one told them—is summed up nicely by E. L. Doctorow: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” And we cannot do that with the writing techniques we were given in school because they're nonfiction.

There’s no reason you can’t pick up the skills the pros take for granted. They’re not hard to learn, though there is a lot to it. Perfecting the skills is a b***h, though. But that’s true of any profession. And given that you want to write, have demonstrated the desire, and the necessary perseverance, you’ll find the learning a lot like going backstage at a professional theater for the first time, and filled with, “How could I not have noticed that, myself?”

So…after all the work of writing and editing, plus the emotional commitment you had to make, this is anything but what you were hoping to see. But it’s a problem you share with most hopeful writers, so you have a lot of company. And, since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you’d want to know.

So, the solution? Simple. Add those missing skills, practice them to perfect them, and there you are. Start with a book or three on the techniques of fiction. The library’s fiction-writing section is a great resource. You work at your own pace. You work when you have time. There’s no pressure, or cost. And, no tests. What’s not to love? Personally? I’d suggest starting with Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, which recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

Try a chapter or three. You’ll be glad you did. And if an overview would help, the articles in my WordPress writing blog are based on what you’ll find in such a book.

I know something like this is both tough, and a lot like trying to take a sip from a firehose—especially when you were hoping for customers, not a critique of what you posted. But don’t let it through you. Every successful writer faced and overcame this. So hang in there, and keep on writing. If nothing else, it keeps off the streets at night.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/