L.C. Jarrette,
"Curiosity"
"curiosity is the spark"..line 1, "that blue flaming beauty." line 8. Curiosity resides in the very deepest core of humanity, a healthy trait.
"To vehemently hunt down truth" line 9 I see a positive trait here as well.
Maybe with misplaced affection or delving into areas which should not be touched is the downfall?
"soon cajoles and entices." line 10. "even the tiniest flying moth."
Thoughtful prose.
Blessings,
Kathy
Curiosity is source of all miracles and destruction.
This poem is wonderfully put with good-sounding words.
Curiosity is spontaneous...
Intelligent!
Thank you for sharing :)
When someone says, "Curiosity killed the cat," I enjoy responding, "True, but satisfaction brought back to life." LOL!
A few issues to address, if you've a mind to:
1) L3-L4, there is no capital required following a semicolon, unless it a proper word, place, or thing, and the semicolon is improperly used, because the remainder of that line is not a proper sentence, as it does not express a subject, as well as a predicate that contains a verb. A semicolon is used to divide two complete sentences that, though, different or separate, refers to or continues/completes/carries forth the thought, feeling, or subject, etc; of the first. A comma would be appropriate here; and, the same applies to your penultimate two lines, where there is a semicolon.
2) L8, consider "flame of" rather than "flammable" as "flammable" infers possible flame, rather than an actual resulting flame from the match's flare, which I take it you meant to express.
3) The word "so" is vague and unneeded, or a more definitive expression, for example: "passionately" would be expressive and meaningful, in this instance.
I hope these offer constructive help, without unintended insult.
Still, one is left quite amazed at the powerful message your well chosen, thoughtfully, and skillfully placed words deliver for the alert reader's benefit; I was, particularly, drawn to the message of your powerfully impacting ending:
"even the tiniest flying moth,
leading it to its eventually
wretched, bitter ending."
I substituted "bitter" for "saccharine" as this means "excessively sweet or sentimental", and I doubt you mean that, but that's my interpretation of your intent … let me know, please, if I got it wrong; I, also, offered a word change illustration, which does not alter the meaning, but smoothes the syntax slightly.
I very much enjoy your style of writing, your keen use of well-placed and expressed metaphor, and look forward to mutually sharing our poetry, further reviews, and comments … thank you sincerely! ⁓ Richard : )
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
oh thank you very much for correcting me. This is really helpful sir. but i purposely wrote wretched.. read moreoh thank you very much for correcting me. This is really helpful sir. but i purposely wrote wretched saccharine ending to create a rather oxymoron feel. does it sound awkward? :)
Yes, Saccharin does not fit with the mode of the story, and it is more confusing to end with sweet t.. read moreYes, Saccharin does not fit with the mode of the story, and it is more confusing to end with sweet than it is impressive … just my discernment, but "bitter" (or, some-such) fits perfectly.
Wow this is good! I like how you use saccharine instead of sweet or sugar. An artificial sweetness - flavorful but deadly when too much.
Well done!
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
thank you psychotic lily. i have a new one. do you want to read "The Blind Who Dreamt Colors" ? read morethank you psychotic lily. i have a new one. do you want to read "The Blind Who Dreamt Colors" ?
hehe...
7 Years Ago
Ah sure I'll check it out when I'm free. My lil sis is hogging my laptop and net
I really like this one. It's true how we search the truth so much to sometimes find out we would like to believe a lie instead.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
i was watching Prison break. in the movie,as the characters where close to finding the truth it led .. read morei was watching Prison break. in the movie,as the characters where close to finding the truth it led them to their death. so that's where i got the idea. thanks for reading!
Curiosity killed the cat.....this curiosity in this cat seems to be a dark one. One where the truth is revealed in a stark and hurtful manner. At least, that' my take.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
i was watching prison break at that time, then i made this. :)
I have to admit I'm not very good at reading nuanced poems like this (I'm more into straightforward reading & writing) . . . but to the extent I can understand your message, I very much appreciate the way you use powerful & original-sounding words to make this feel very dynamic: unleash, cajoles, entices, etc. I'm not in agreement that curiosity is all this (I kinda like curiosity & I don't believe it killed the cat, as the old saying goes!) But I also understand (mostly) what you're saying out how it can be dangerous.
why thank you..i really like your comment.very honest.
:)
7 Years Ago
if you have some tips for me to improve please don't hesitate..thank you again
7 Years Ago
I read your poem again & I honestly can't think of anything to improve it . . . (usually I have lots.. read moreI read your poem again & I honestly can't think of anything to improve it . . . (usually I have lots to say about improving! wink! wink!*)
This vocabulary is quite nicely used.
Vehemently... Saccharine... Ardor...
I had to google these words but, I found that this poem uses deep symbolism and many other writing styles. This is beautifully written, keep up the good work.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
wow...i am deeply touched by your words.thank you very much for appreciating my work. i hope you wil.. read morewow...i am deeply touched by your words.thank you very much for appreciating my work. i hope you will support my other poems as well.