To Infinity and Beyond

A Story by Lucy<3

A short story I wrote for a creative writing class. I do not know how to really describe it yet.

The sound of my heart monitor echoes and vibrates off my four hospital room walls. Walls that are plain and bland. My eyes are closed, but I can still picture the ugly plainness of the hospitals décor. I sense my mother sitting by my side, afraid. Afraid that every time I take a breath of processed oxygen, will be the moment she dreads most of all. The moment my heart stops beating, giving itself away to my almost nonexistent life. Life support is what keeps my heart beating.

That same heart skips a beat of delight, as I feel Peyton enter the room. Peyton J. Taylor, my best friend, my twin. Peyton visits every day, she talks to me. I know she knows I can hear her, she knows I listen in my comatose life support state. She said one day that she observed the skipped beat of my heart when she enters. My body’s way of letting her know I’m listening because I can’t physically speak.

The vinyl squeaks and squawks as Peyton sits. My mom’s footsteps slap against the floor as she leaves my plain room. My mom thinks it’s no use talking to me, that I can’t hear. It’s my length of life that the treatment affected. Not my hearing.

“Dr. said the cancer’s gone Jake.” She said with a content voice, “That’s good, now all we need is you to get strong. Your hair is coming in a bit, and your heart sounds good.” The sounds of her moving in the chair fill the brief silence. “Speaking of hearts. I hear Erika’s hasn’t quite moved on.” She paused. I could practically hear her contemplating whether or not she should say what she’s thinking. “Erika said she might stop by.” She said it. She says it every time she brings up Erika, but Erika never comes. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t the cancer. Maybe she’s the cause of my weakened state.

“I’m gonna stop this small talk, and just tell you what I’ve been avoiding.” She stops… not a good sign. “Lucas and I broke up.” My heart skips. “Don’t get mad Jake. I dumped him. He was getting too clingy and plus now I get more time with you.” I know that’s not the real reason. I also know she is sad, in pain, and it tears me up to know I can’t hug her or hold her hand. To be there for her like a real twin should. Not just some hopeless lump of a life supported by manmade machines.

She sits in silence listening to the early spring rain, as it beats against my hospital room window. I listen along. Peyton goes on to rant about her science teacher who tried to rap the elements. If I could laugh I would. Her impressions are great, but I know behind the laughter is the pain. Pain caused by me. She sits here every day watching me, and I can’t take it away.

The rain hammered down, but nothing could drown out my mother’s footsteps as she stomps down the hall. “Should I expect you for dinner?” I can hear the stress in my mom’s voice

“Yeah, I’ll leave in a bit.”

“Ok.” My mom turns swiftly and walked away. Peyton’s sighs fill the void left by my mom’s retreating presence. “The least I can do is have dinner with her.” she pauses as I hear her shift in her seat, “Seeing as dad is probably passed out by now.” Poor Peyton stuck in a house on the brink of falling. Peyton told me how dad’s gone off the deep end. Drinking himself into a mindless stupor, so he can’t feel the pain. Meanwhile moms left to cry herself to sleep, and Peyton is on the verge of cracking. I can feel it, hear it in her voice. My family is breaking down because of me, and I can’t do anything to fix it. I can’t even open my damn eyes. It’s all my fault, but just when I think I can’t take it anymore Peyton gets up, as she does every day. She looks out the window turns and says “To infinity and beyond.” Her footsteps carry her to the door. She turns, awkwardly smiles and walks away.

“To infinity and beyond,” I say to myself. Since we were kids, that was our saying, our way to say “I’ll be seeing you”. A message of hope, and forever togetherness. The strength of our bond will go beyond. Beyond life, beyond the infinite possibilities.

I fell asleep last night to the soundtrack of rain, as I entered a mysterious dream sequence of freak accidents. I awoke this morning to the sound of Peyton sitting down. My heart skipped a beat. “Good morning Jake,” she paused, “Now before you get confused, it’s not Saturday. I just skipped school.” She laughs, “Don’t tell mom.” She laughs again knowing I never will. “Today is senior pep rally; I just didn’t want to go without you.” It kills me knowing that she’s wasting her senior year. When she should be having fun with her friends, she’s here visiting me. She never goes to the things we use to do together. “Plus I’d rather skip out on seeing Jess O’Connor throwing herself at Luke. Yuck nooo thanks.”

It must be sunny because I don’t hear the rain. Peyton clears her throat, “I got an A on my research paper. I did it on childhood cancer; of course I give you full credit for motivation.” Peyton is sooo smart, and without me she would be even smarter. Here she is skipping school. She’s got it all going for he and what does she do? Waste time visiting me, but selfishly I enjoy the visits. It’s what keeps me sane from annoying heart monitors, buzzing life support machines; drunken slurs form dad, the silence from mom, and the loneliness left by Erika. Sanity on the brink of running away, but then Peyton comes.

“I got into BC today.” My heart skips one beat. I know she’s smiling at my excitement. “Neva could have done it without ya, now I don’t know if I can go without you.” My hearts skips again. “Yeah, yeah I know you want me to go. Mom actually smiled for the first time today. Well, the first time in a while.” Peyton deserves the best; I just wish I could have seen her face when she opened the letter. Instead I lay on this stupid bed.

“Mom says I should stop coming to see you. She says it’s not good for me.” My heart skips. She shouldn’t come. I’m not good for her just lying unconscious. “Jake, I’m not gonna stop coming. I could never not come. To infinity and beyond.” With that I heard her leave, but she’ll be back tomorrow.

My vital signs have slowed down today, the sign the doctors have warned my family about for months. I worry not for my life but for Peyton and my downfall of a family. Peyton has yet to visit today. I know ma said not to come, but she always comes. The weather is bad; I can hear the rain beating my window like a thousand drums. I hear cars in the distance. You get use to car sound when you’re in the city. That’s when I hear the car horns and screeching tires. In the distance there was an accident of sorts.

Peyton still hasn’t come. I mentally am pulling my hair out, well my slowly growing hair. Sirens in the distance are screaming and blaring, closer, closer, CLOSER. I feel the urge to move, and in this moment in time, for some unknown force or reason my eyes opened.

At first the light was excruciatingly bright. My eyes scanned the room, no Peyton. A nurse ran by screaming, “Ten minutes, seventeen year old female, severely wounded, and needs a heart. Put her on the list now.” Quickly my mind wandered from the brightness to that poor girl. That’s when it hit me. “Alice, it’s the Taylor girl.” My heart skipped, and time froze. What that nurse just uttered was the cause of my insane worrying; my inferior senses were trying to tell me something was wrong.

Peyton doesn’t deserve this, I’m the useless one. It will take years for me to ever remotely be the same. She just got into BC, and I can’t even sit and talk with her. To infinity and beyond always. For her, it’s time for me, Jake A. Taylor, to go beyond. The one thing I’ve been longing for is one grasp away. A way to help my crumbling family, a way to appease my nonexistent form of life. My way to offer infinite possibilities that will go beyond. Peyton has it all. I have a useless body.

With this knowledge I take one last breath, a sacrifice I’m willing to take, I shut my eyes, and with that I yank the cord. The deafening sound of a dead line brings the nurses running. “Alice, we’ve got a heart.”

1 Year Later

“Jake, oh Jake,” She paused as she put flowers down beside the headstone, “BC is great, Lucas is great, life is great. Everything is great, but it would be greater with you. I get what you did, but at first it was unbearable. Everywhere I went I could see you. Everywhere I’d go I would feel you. I still feel you. Without you there would be no life.” Peyton paused as she wiped her tears away.

“Mom says you’re better off now. She says there’s no more pain,” anyone could hear the hope in her voice. “Well, I gotta go drive dad to AA.” She started to turn but stopped, “Just promise you’ll wait for me.” Peyton smiled, and before she left she turned back around, “To infinity.” The back of my grave says it all, “and beyond…”