Ode to my abusers all ...F**K YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See the above.

Back when I was born I was something to someone
Two someones called parents two people that loved me

Momma tried to stay with me in spite of everything but I had to go she had to leave
Daddy couldn't take care of me

3 Years old and happy and singing and laughing and living in the sun with my Queetie Pie and my Granny Lucille
Birds and animals my friends nature my playground
dirty hands to wash at suppertime
Grace to say little Lady so was I
Fearing nothing and no one safe and secure or so I thought

Nothing lasts forever

One day he was gone like a puff of smoke no explanation no reason a broken hearted little girl longed for his lap and his warmth and smile and his love and her grannys apron to dry her tears

Unwanted and hated for no reason
sent to a place to sit and keep quiet and no sun and no love and nothing but pain

a place called hell a true evil hell with a fairy tale witch of a b***h called Grandmother
With pasty skin and cracked red lipstick and no love of girls and no want of any at all but of course
what would the family think if she were to turn her own out into the street

And the other evil character with gruff voice and nothing out of his mouth but words like ugly stupid bad insolent garbage

pipe smoke and the smell of it makes me gag to this day
I wanted to take that and burn it on the nasty bed in which he lay and called for me every single night to take from me what he had no f*****g right!

I was a child
3
I did not ask for it I did not want it I did not ask to be what helped make me what I am still to this day
49 years ago but not always so far away

How can I make anyone understand this? Unless you are one of me you can't and some don't even want to hear what I need to say

On and on it went the cruel songs of my Mother never coming back for me dying she was they said
I might as well get used to it
NEVER!

I tried to go and escape but crossing the yard out the window I heard the nasty voice and to get back to the yard before something bad happened

IT ALREADY F*****G HAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had one person but she was crazy they said and let her rot in a filthy nursing home and threw her things all over the basement floor
They put her ashes out for the trash man


FUCKERS!


And other family knew oh yes they knew and kept tongues silent and allowed it over and over again and on and on it went

3-13

Blissfully times with my parents no time in hell......few and far between
They were so dutiful such good people such good grandparents

F**K THEM! F**K THAT!

NOT MINE!

And then I was going to tell my Daddy but he would kill all of them I knew so I stayed silent for 30 years I sat and knew and heard and watched and then he died and I was half free
or so I thought


Funeral full of fools believing he an icon of goodness and God he was not worthy to even lie down in sacred soil at all and she with the stupid hat and singing some song as if he were a loss to the world such a man a great man he loved children

OH HELL YES HE DID!


Right before the b*****d died he did what he did to me right there in his stupid throne chair the same way under the lap blanket and touched me when I was too big for anyone to do that Ma had warned me of it yet here he was and he lurked and I was his prey right under their noses

I should have smashed his face and thrown his crippled a*s from the chair throne and beat the living s**t out of him and scream and tell the truth but I sat and let him one last time do his nasty filthy degrading little act with me and then I went and threw up because I knew what he was then

CHILD MOLESTER! Predator. PEDOPHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was not the only one he did it to my sister and I heard her scream for me every night as they did what they did because SHE HELPED HIM

NOBODY said STOP to them NOBODY did a f*****g thing and to this day those that know the true won't tell they say I am INSANE

And when that c**t finally drew her last breath I cried with relief because I thought closure would come and I could heal and it would all go away like a bad dream

NO

IT NEVER DOES AND NEVER WILL EVER!


All you can do is try not to lose your mind when the memories come and worse and worse as I get older and I pray to God above the last one I had is the last I will ever know before I die.

No more pills or booze to wash it from my mind now so it comes when it wants to and does what it wants to and the nightmares still come

NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to the idea I asked for any of the f*****g s**t well a 3 year old does not ask to be raped

The the first man I trusted and loved and married that raped me and sodomized me and tortured and beat me down like a dog and took pictures and movies of it I say own to it motherfucker put up or shut up

And the first at 16 that raped me and slapped my a*s and said I was frigid f**k you too! Frigid my a*s you raped me and left me pregnant and you broke my heart and crushed my soul and it had already been crushed and broken

THANKS! Hope you have reaped what you sowed when you took what was left of me at 16 and wrecked that part that cared and wanted to live and wanted to see the light and happy not cry and cut my wrists with scissors

And the a*****e that I heard is now a crack head or maybe dead that tried to rape me but made me so things I really had already done but blocked out.

KARMA F****R!

And all of you that came and took what you wanted from me and split I say good riddance....Pieces of s**t

No means NO NO AND NO

All of you and I probably even forgot more that hurt and used and abused me because that WAS my life until a few years ago when I said F**K YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now those with your snotty little self righteous noses up in the air that look down on poor little Lori Jo Switzer guess what?

I don't give a F**K!

You can not even begin to imagine the horrors I survived like so many movies all gory and bloody and violent and sad and even beautiful through all of it because I chose to say and choose to say now

F**K YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angry? YES!

Revenge? NO You will all reap what you have sown and some day you will have to sit and answer to God for what you did to a person that just wanted to be happy and live and love and have a life.

Bullies
Abusers
rapists


In spite of your efforts to put me down and kill me I will always get up and fight like hell and gnash my teeth and spit and fight and scream

I will NOT BE SILENT!

And dear sister of mine that reads my s**t and spies on me like some sinister plot I am planning

GET A F*****G LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE ONE YOU OUGHT TO TRY IT SOME TIME

And stop guzzling so much wine and taking sooooooooooooooooo many pills dear you are aging terribly like the song says your face is crackling like pastry wasted

I have a good man a good life and real family now and no one can f**k that up but me
So as I sit here and vent it all out and give not one s**t if anyone cares or reads it believe me in spite of what two evil pieces of s**t told me way too long

I WILL AMOUNT TO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!
So F**K YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Author's Note

whatever. who cares right? I am a statistic another abused person.

Reviews

[Kim]

You still have a lot of anger, I understand! It is good to work it out with pieces like this. I worked through the very same thing in poetry, it was very cathartic.

[Lori Jo Switzer]

Thanks Kim : ) It helps me much and I have always written to get things out rather than scream them