What Is Wrong With This World!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Too

My thoughts on recent events in my life and this world. I call this a story and I chose short for genre. I am not quite sure how to classify what I am about to write.

Since I have reached the point of clarity in my life I am finding great difficulty with dealing with some of the realities of this world.

  When you spend almost your entire 47 years of life living in a booze soaked and drug induced haze you tend to not pay as much attention to this thing called reality and instead float down the river denial headed for the falls called you are so screwed.

  This process I am in during my recovery is made even more difficult by the fact that I am a very emotional person and have been since the day I was born.

  I am also a person with a flair for the dramatic. My parents always called me Sarah Berhardt...For those too young and reading this she was a famous very dramatic actress way back when.

  A young persons term would be drama queen.

So keeping this in mind as you read what I am about to tell you this will give you an understanding of the impact on my mind, heart and soul when I see such things as I am about to write about.

  Recently I have come to realize the saying " God does not give you any more than you can handle" must mean that God believes I am some superhero that can handle so many difficult and heart wrenching tasks that he piles them on me over and over to the point that I am right now is overloaded.

  I have never been the person that has been able to do a damned thing but follow my heart and my true purpose and rescue, save, help and find any way at all I can assist a human being, animal of any kind and this includes spider and centipedes. I kill nothing but flies and mosquitoes because they carry disease and that is the only reason.

  When I was a young girl I asked God to tell me my purpose in this life and my reason for being here and this is what I heard in my head " If someone is hungry feed them. If they are cold give them the coat from your back" I say it daily and it is what it is..." It's just what I do" When I am in what I refer to as my " ghetto mode" I use the more eloquent phrase " It's just how I roll.

  During this week I have been having some health issues, personal issues and frankly as I type I am so exhausted I am surprised that I can even sit here and do this without falling over my keyboard drooling.

   Earlier today I watched the news and the murder, rape, violence and misery was enough to make me want to crawl back into bed for the rest of the holiday and hide but of course that is not possible as I am busy doing what I do.

   So after I finally had enough of that I decided to read the local paper and that helped me not one bit at all.

   The first thing that came to my eye was a letter to the editor at the local paper talking about a trailer park in Belleville that has a problem with feral cats.

  The rescue that I was supposed to start working with weeks ago but for the fact that I almost died August 4 as I fried in the 100 degree heat on Belleville road and was robbed first and left there to die....That is another story and when I feel the urge to write it in more detail I will.

  Ferals are a huge problem because when these cats are dumped and not spayed or neutered they can cause property damage and even spread disease. Sadly due to the economy and people forced to abandon all and flee their homes because of foreclosure, the amount of animals of all kinds dumped out cars doors on busy freeways and dumped out in the country to fend for themselves is staggering at this point.

  For a person like myself these statistics pale in comparison to the aching in my heart and the tears I shed for these poor creatures.

   There is a simple solution and that would be to spay and neuter these animals when they are pets and not the refuse of this world.

  I advocate and educate on these topics. I have no formal schooling and no degree nicely framed above my desk. My knowledge of creatures and their habits and such comes from the fact that this is just what I know somehow and it is just a gift that I was given. A blessing and a curse combined.

 So reading the paper and finally seeing the channel 7 local news footage I was sitting here in tears because this was just more than too much to even comprehend at this point.

  But as I was searching the news web site I came across another story that really hit home and hit hard.

  Belleville Michigan is not a big town at all. It is on a lake and there is a part South of town called Sumpter and that is where I live.

  A woman that I have seen myself walking along the service drive and begging at the on and off ramp was a featured story.

  There are many of these beggars or panhandlers in my area because we are right there with 94 East and West both ends of town.

  I never shun them at all nor ignore them. In fact I always make it a point to speak with them especially if any of my children are present as this is an opportunity to teach them another lesson in being grateful not greedy and my philosophy I teach called " Be grateful for what you have and do not worry so much about what you want" it's how I roll as a parent and will never change and has never changed as my oldest daughter can attest to.

 So watching the footage I discover why I see this woman walking as I have never had the chance to speak to her and had I encountered her most certainly I would have.

  She lives in a hotel and we have quite a few here from the budget minded Red Roof Inn to the more luxurious Holiday Inn Suites. 

   Every day she walks 3 miles each way from the hotel room she shares with her 7 year old little girl so she can go beg for money to keep a roof over her head and food in her stomach.

  She has no family left to help her, lost a brother to suicide and has no vehicle at all. DHS aka Welfare agencies have allowed her food stamps but the cash assistance she was receiving was cut off recently.

She lost her job this summer and has been trying to make ends meet this way. Even a local State Trooper has come to her aid with the facts that she is not using drugs or alcohol and she is genuine in her need for this money. She is no con and no fraud. She is just a Momma like I am trying to take care of her baby girl and doing it the best she can and how she can. I applaud this woman as she is what a strong woman and strong single Momma should be all about.

 So as I sat and watched this woman crying on camera and saw her beautiful little girl in their hotel room trying to make that place a home I finally lost it today.

 I have been in her shoes myself and many times and for many decades. I had to sell my jewelry in front of my rental home in the Ypsilanti ghetto, Not eat for 7 days straight so my 3 small children could eat.

 Sacrifice. That's the bottom line here and that is what she does every single day.

  How many people have watched this woman and judged her as a scourge of society as a beggar and assumed she is a crackhead and or worse? How many of us have looked at one of these throwaways of society as I refer to them in my writings and teachings and turned our heads and said the very same things? 

 Throwaways like these animals, throwaways that are now human beings...

 When did this world get to selfish and heartless and ugly and just plain egocentric instead of humanistic?

  When are people that are the opposite and like minded with the knowledge that the true and pure purpose of this life we are living is not to take it is to GIVE!!!!! You get the very same feeling in your heart and mind by giving as you do receiving! It's a fact! Human beings are missing the point and that is more than apparent! I am a spiritual person but certainly not a "bible thumper". I am not someone that judges others and most certainly not the person to shove my religion or views or opinions down your throat. I don't force issues such as these.

    I use the word God because that is the way I was raised and my word for the higher power and with all due respect that is just how I roll....

    I finally became what I refer to as " open" which means to me that I understand that what some refer to as fate is what I know is connections that the higher power puts in place for us that allow us to help others and spread good.Those of us that are open and understand this ideal know all too well what the problem is plain and simple.

  Whom and what I am and that worth to me has one damned thing to do with anything that you see when you look at me. That is what I refer to as a shell and all the good and beauty of me is inside of that shell.

 When some see the dirty and the ugly and the homeless and those apparent in their lack of money and even decent clothing they see just those things. Instead I think of that human being and what it must feel like to be in such a state. I think what can I do to help this person and how quickly can I get that help for them. When I see someone eating out of a dumpster I am the one that takes whatever money I have and feed them. I am no saint nor Mother Teresa I am just a woman that knows all too well what it is like to be poor, hungry, scared. I have had much in my life material things galore and I have had times when I did not have a pot to piss in so I understand being grateful and thankful for whatever I have.

Sitting last night I spoke with my dear friend whom I refer to as my big sister and told her a few tales of my time locked away in a Psychiatric Hospital.

She cried with me.

The way that society has no regard for some of it's faction is so spreading it is a disease as lethal as the plague to mind and soul and spirit.

The lady that I spoke of from the news footage that I watched. You best believe I am already thinking of whatever I have that could help her and her little girl. With the theft of that 130.00 dollars at the start of the month and the money that I was able to put aside from my small income to get clothing and school supplies for my 3 youngest just about gone now I am pretty much broke as a joke.

  But I will find some way to give because that is just what I do. And of course find others that will want to help her and her daughter as well.

  One final thought. Before you look at someone and assume one damned thing keep this in mind. You never know what someone else is going through! You never know what their story is unless you take the time to ASK! I know I can't change the hearts and minds of everyone I come across in any given day but damn it if I can just reach one person pretty soon that will add up and the open and the giving will multiply instead of dwindle.

My love tells me often that I can't save everyone and I have to say no sometimes because I have to consider myself in this equation. I can't spread myself too thin. But I am a very strong and very stubborn woman and that is the reason I am alive today and as you read my stories you will wonder how I am alive at all or even sane...Well maybe half sane...; )

  

Author's Note

Where do I read your reviews anyway? LOL. I don't know just tell me like it is I don't like wish wash I want to hear honest and straight opinions. Thanks! Too tired to edit this much and proofread and format a bit f'd but whatever....