Subsurface Dawning-Introduction

The introduction to a novel I am writing, the introduction told from the point of veiw of a teenage girl who lives in an underground society with others of her kind in result of a "whitch hunt" 100s of years in the past.

 Everyday, my people awake and open their window-shades to a sunless, skyless morning. We go to sleep to a moonless, starless night. We have no fresh air-just stale oxygen that lingers in our dusty underground society. We live in a place where no grass grows, no flowers bloom, no rain falls, no wind blows, and the seasons don’t change. We live underground, hidden in the shadows, away from the light of day. We have humans to thank for this horrid place we call home. Humans to thank for all of our suffering and all of our pain.

        We used to live in harmony among mortals. We got along, even befriended each other. What caused the change, I don’t know, but we suddenly found ourselves being outcast. Our work that once fascinated them became known as devil’s play. It was forbidden. We were forbidden. Of course, the prophets knew what would happen. They saw it in their visions and spread the word to as many of our people as they could. A war was coming, and, outnumbered 10:1, our chances of winning were slim to none.

        Some of us decided to wait or stick out the “feud” while the rest joined the prophets in building. They built a great underground city, a sanctuary that would hide our people until we could train and prepare for a real battle. A battle in which we would have the element of sup prize and advantage of greater numbers and greater powers. As the ones who stayed behind were persecuted, tortured, and killed by the mortals, we were safe inside our sanctuary. Here we remain, in the underground kingdom we have come to know as the City of Eyrithia. Where, right underneath the feet of those who tried to kill us off and erase their shame by denying our existence, we wait for the perfect time to reclaim the land that is rightfully ours. And with the world in chaos above ground, the prophets can tell you, the time is getting closer. I can feel it. 

Author's Note

I know there are probably a few grammatical and spelling errors, I'm really just looking for over all reveiws on the writing please and if you think it might be a publishable story.

Reviews

[The Purple Kazoo]

this definitely seems like a publishable story to me. i want more. i especially like the last sentence: "i can feel it." that's just so dramatic and creepy in an intriguing way, it sucks you in. you can't help but want more. great job; keep it up!! :)

[gravitylava]

I like it! It is interesting and makes me want to keep reading. I hope you write this novel, because I want to read it.
-michelle