Existence

Existence

~LM

The air seemed shattered around us

Like our worlds collided and broke

And only then did we realize how fragile our existence

When we witnessed the chasm of its absence

The absence sucked the air into a vacuum

Compressing our bones

Squeezing us like a vice

Holes in our bellies matched the holes left in our lives

Holes left in our hearts

We can shovel forever and never fill

Holes in the noise

Like every sound was suffocated by silence

Words left our mouths

And dropped heavy to the floor

Words left us like nothing could trump 

The depth of the situation

Even our eyes didn't know what to do

Avoiding contact

Glazing over

Great pools on our faces

Ponds overflowing after a storm

One of the hardest parts is the motion sickness

Watching the world continue to revolve

While everything else has stopped

Time slows and rolls backwards

As we try to recall every formerly trivial detail

Of an existence once meshed with our own

Reviews

[Chris]

Loss was a suspect by line 4 and an understood GIVEN by the end of the seventh line.

The physical, mental, and emotional turmoil of loss is directly dependent on the level of personal and social attachment and detachment felt. There is even real survivor's guilt at times that MUST be dealt with to regain personal equilibrium. This piece struck me as an attempt to describe the impact of loss more as an unfolding present event or even perhaps as a past witness after coming thru the other side than as being actively experienced ...

[icomeanon_13]

Lizzie, I loved this poem- the imagery of the holes really worked well. This was a poem I could relate to without effort. Nice job.

"Words left us like nothing could trump
The depth of the situation"

I felt like these two lines could use some re-work, however. I would suggest replacing "trump" with another word. Just a personal opinion.

[Alex Boyd]

I totally agree with Chris on this one the many avenues of loss that we as humans go through... Also if I may add greatly written...

[ANTO]

Lizzie this is a masterful exploration of loss and those left behind to cope with the end of a loved one's existence on this Earth. You have written so many jaw-dropping phrases in this one. Right from the off you engaged my mind with a top notch opening line.

Each stanza in this raised my eyebrows higher and higher.

"We can shovel forever and never fill
Holes in the noise..." - nothing can replace them or the sound of them in our lives. Damn fine writing dear poet.

In the final stanza your words reach a crescendo - that feeling of the world continuing apace - causing motion sickness in those whose lives have paused - when we cry out to the world 'Can't you see, our lives have been obliterated - why don't you see??'

And then I pictured an entire family and their friends trying to stop the wheel of time from revolving.
Powerful poetry. Sad, powerful poetry Lizzie.

[Lizzie Mitchell]

yes you completely understand what i was feeling
the day i wrote this i was dry heaving and crying in the bathroom half the day at school
my classmate's brother died and i wanted so badly to comfort him but every time he talked about what a great person his brother was and how close they were all i could think about was how awful everything was and the clock kept ticking but we were stuck there
having school
taking tests
performing tasks for our future
as if his future wasn't just changed forever
his present
and even his perspective of the past

thanks for the thoughtful review

[Zac]

This is a great and emotional poem.
I like it.

[Lizzie Mitchell]

thank you zac