Missing you

Are we floating in mid air

without any care?

Nostalgic, we recall

what we were 

and how we came to be

before

rekindled broken spirit

with  caked up words 

stimulating sincerity

with open coherence 

orange and yellows danced along our world

never stopping only slowing and pacing

our friendship growing with laughs

and trust

after

nothing is enough

facade upon facade of

deep black and blues

your front door  unyielding

and mine closed in on the past

we are stuck in mid air 

without a care

Author's Note

I didn't intend it to rhyme just wanted to write...

Reviews

[Alessander]

overall, I like it, for many of the reasons others liked it, so I won't be repetitive. There were a few things however that I think you can improve on, imo (and remember, it's only me lol)

Cut down on some of the abstract diction: Broken Spirit, Sincerity, Coherence are in very close proximity to ea other, and disrupt the flow of the poem. Laughs and Trust are other generalities, but not as disruptive, imo.

Maybe reserve the refrain "we were stuck in mid air" for the last line (thus elimanating from the first lines)? Just a possibility, but if you think those are your best lines of the poem, then I would suggest doing so.

Other than that, you do a really good job of creating a tone...

[Michael of Gilead]

Very nice

[Tony]

I like the "before" "after" lines-- thats really creative.
The "Stuck in mid air/ without a care" lines remind me of someone looking at a picture of themselves and someone else together on a trapoline and like missing them and you know being nostalgic.

M

[Elephant Noses]

I really enjoy the beats and rhythm this peace creates. There's a lot of sharp images that fly past and catch our attention like a passing car, if you'll pardon the simile, but the meaning is lost as the vehicle departs. I can vaguely feel out the feelings and meaning behind these words, but I crave 1) a stronger transition or more action between the happy courtship and the "black and blue" closure, 2) more specific or personal details 3) conflict! I want conflict and a reason why nothing is enough, why friendship grows.

[Akshat♥]

i just loved those last lines of this poem...
as i know you ...i can surely say you just
write from your heart and soul...
our friendship growing with laughs
and trust... i liked that..honest write:)

[GTVile]

I like how you specifically segmented it at the beginning of each paragraph. That way it sets a new tone in a pretty abrupt way, adding a nice clash with the smooth free feeling of the rest of the piece. That type of contrast is often times difficult to employ, you did a very good job with it here. Kudos.

[.]

like the use of colour to deplict your mood..nice write

[An owl on the moon]

You begin your words with that sensation of flying.. of being above all the problems of the world and filled with the warmest shades of color.. Then somewhere along the way the darker hues melt in and things dive down into that place where love is but a memory. So vivid.

[Luna]

There is a random beautiful flow to this, which is only something a natural writer can do. Good Job!

[.]

beautifully creative--and we are all stuck in mid air without a care at times....so smile :)

B/W

[Charlie]

Poems like this are the reason i get on writerscafe. It's beautiful, and very relatable. thank you. =)