The Place Where You Died

A Poem following the tragic death of my brother June 3, 2007. RIP Charles D. Patterson

I saw it today, the place where you died.
There is a white cross sitting there; in that exact spot.
I touched the ground where your blood still lies.
It’s so dark and so thick. Mom and the boy’s covered it well.
There is a bouquet of silk roses, red and white sitting right on top of the stain.
In the middle of the bouquet there is a blue or green surgical glove from a paramedic, and a heart made out of pipe cleaners.
You’re youngest boy collected as much of the ruined car as he could find.
And he placed it in a triangle around where you bled out.

I walked along the groove in the road where you lost control.
I walked right in the path where the tires bit into the ground.
I saw where the car hit the first time.
And the second.
And I saw where it stopped.
I picked up a piece of your windshield, the thing that killed you.
I touched it with my bare hands.
I held that shattered piece of rubbery glass and stared at it.
I and choked back the tears that built in my throat.

I walked around the wreckage site and collected 5 pieces of your car.
5, because there were 5 of us, now there are 4.
I didn’t think about it.
I collected 5 because 5 is a good number.
Everything is done in 5’s.
5 presents from Japan, once for each of you and me too.
4 Christmas presents, one for each of you from me.
And now there are only 4 left.
I’ll only get to buy 3 gifts from now on instead of 4.

I listened as we told Lyla that the lawyer said she had no legal rights.
Even though she’s been your best friend and soul mate for thirteen years.
Maybe longer.
I listened as she screamed in anguish.
She lost everything when she lost you.
We have to sale the house.
The dogs and the car you promised Blake.
Just because the boys are not eighteen.
It is a shame you never married Lyla on paper.
Because now there is nothing we can do.

Mom is going to make sure the boys are taken care of.
She’s pushing to make sure their lives are what you worked so hard to give.
I helped Brady pack his things.
We stuffed trash bags full of his clothes.
He went to the closet and pulled your jacket out.
He asked me to pack it for him.
It was heart wrenching.
He’s only twelve and he has to put on a brave face because he has “dried up” all his tears.
He has no more left to cry.
He kept the broken air soft gun you gave him.
And if it had your name, you can be sure he packed it away for him and Blake.

Tommy and I loaded all of Brady’s things into my car.
We couldn’t get Blake to pack his stuff.
He’s mad we have to sell the dogs.
Then Tommy and I started on our way home.
But I had to stop and say good bye.
So I stopped at the place where you died.
And I got out of the car and I cried.
I sat in front of that white cross and I cried.
I wanted to write your name on the cross so passer-by’s would know your name.
But I didn’t have a pen, or a pencil, or a crayon, or a sharpie, or even a tooth pick.
So your memorial is left unmarked; except by love.

I’m going to go back every year until I feel I don’t need to anymore.
I’m going to make sure that the cross stays where it is, and no one touches it.
Cause I’ll just put it right back.
I went to that spot today.
The place where you died.
And I sat there and I cried.
And as far as I’m concerned, that place where you died…
Is Holy ground.

Reviews

[Goodbyeguilt]

This is easily one of the most poignant and beautiful, heart breaking, soul wrenching poems I have ever written.
I have no critical comments.
There are none to give.
Losing someone is incredibly painful for all concerned. You have taken this emotion and crafted it to perfection in words.
I particularly appreciate the significance of you going to the place where he did.
I understand that to you it would be Holy ground as I often pass the spot where my friend died and feel that it is sacred.

Well done, this piece is exquisite.

GBG - Leah

[{Angel Redd}[Formerly A..]

I�ll only get to buy 3 gifts from now on instead of 4.

That's the kind of simple realization that can open up old wounds, isn't it? I know it has for me.

I love that you were able to write this so vividly, yet it was not over-the-top, so it made the pain all the more real.

[Silvia - Scribo, Ergo S..]

Oh, Liz, how painful! ... I keep seeing these crosses by the roadside and often wonder about the sad, sad tale they tell ... One - the name said J�rgen Peter - I have passed for many years now, and still I keep seeing fresh flowers there. The other day, I came past that corner again and the cross was goen. I felt a loss, almost as if this J�rgen Peter I have never known in life, died again ... xxx

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

Excellent piece. This is a message that really hits home. I see a couple of errors in it, but nothing that detracts from the power of it. If you fixed them up, it would be something that might easily be publishable. It should be shared with a broader world.

[Rain]

Liz..
I just stumbled upon this piece, actually you were reviewing a digusting bit of writing. I'm glad I clicked on your name. I read a beautifully poignant piece of writing. It erased the previous work I read and restored my faith in humanity.
I walked with you as you visited the place your brother died. Your words pulled me along and made me see and feel what you experienced. That is good writing. I hate to say I loved a piece filled with such deep pain, but I did. Your description, the imagery were clear and consise. Thank you for allowing us to experience that painful moment. I'm going to request you as a friend,based solely on this piece. Rain

[Jennifer Welker]

i was brought to tears. and my brothers are still alive.

[Marquise]

"I�m going to go back every year until I feel I don�t need to anymore. "
wow.. how powerful and heart-felt is this poem, this work of art you've decided to release from deep down and onto your canvas for us to see.. thank you for being strong and sharing such wonderful and painful writing... Like the other comments, I really don't know what to say, but i'm glad you DID know what to say...and to call that place holyground is nothing short of astounding...

[Solst Rapture]

A heart wrenching account of a loss so huge it brings tears to my eyes. Its hard to understand a hole like this being torn open. You captured the torment and pain like someone familiar with it and crafted it using a good selection of words into this mirthless poem.

[Erotic Goddess]

Liz, I have no words for this. I am so sorry my friend. This is heartwrenching, tear evoking and I am saddened for you, for those boys, for his lover who is now lost without him. I cannot say much more, this is too sad and there are really no words that you have not heard, no words to take it away, to make it easier. So I won't try. I understand needing to grieve and you are doing it in the way you know best, here in writing, to share with those who care! I am glad you did.

XXOXX

[Benarsi]

This is a beautiful, heart-wrenching, saddening story Liz...You've taken the loss of somebody and immotalized it in words...I feel I can understand you, somewhat. Everytime I pass the place where my sister was killed, I feel it to be holy...This is incredibly painful--truly an awesome piece.

Thank you for sharing this

B.

[Linda Crawford Ortiz]

This is very detailed and very honest. You have used your writing to cleanse your heart, work out your loss; and, tho' I know it's not enough, it's a place to start. Your passion and love are very apparent...for your brother, your mother, his kids left behind. I feel your grief and hope that this passage will help. You were very brave to put it out there. "...your memorial is left unmarked; except by love." What better to mark the end and the beginning? Truly a great piece. You allow one to read between the line and realize that it's not at all necessary...for you've bared your soul. I've not read your work before. I will be back. Promise.