The Place Where You Died

A Poem following the tragic death of my brother June 3, 2007. RIP Charles D. Patterson

I saw it today, the place where you died.
There is a white cross sitting there; in that exact spot.
I touched the ground where your blood still lies.
It’s so dark and so thick. Mom and the boy’s covered it well.
There is a bouquet of silk roses, red and white sitting right on top of the stain.
In the middle of the bouquet there is a blue or green surgical glove from a paramedic, and a heart made out of pipe cleaners.
You’re youngest boy collected as much of the ruined car as he could find.
And he placed it in a triangle around where you bled out.

I walked along the groove in the road where you lost control.
I walked right in the path where the tires bit into the ground.
I saw where the car hit the first time.
And the second.
And I saw where it stopped.
I picked up a piece of your windshield, the thing that killed you.
I touched it with my bare hands.
I held that shattered piece of rubbery glass and stared at it.
I and choked back the tears that built in my throat.

I walked around the wreckage site and collected 5 pieces of your car.
5, because there were 5 of us, now there are 4.
I didn’t think about it.
I collected 5 because 5 is a good number.
Everything is done in 5’s.
5 presents from Japan, once for each of you and me too.
4 Christmas presents, one for each of you from me.
And now there are only 4 left.
I’ll only get to buy 3 gifts from now on instead of 4.

I listened as we told Lyla that the lawyer said she had no legal rights.
Even though she’s been your best friend and soul mate for thirteen years.
Maybe longer.
I listened as she screamed in anguish.
She lost everything when she lost you.
We have to sale the house.
The dogs and the car you promised Blake.
Just because the boys are not eighteen.
It is a shame you never married Lyla on paper.
Because now there is nothing we can do.

Mom is going to make sure the boys are taken care of.
She’s pushing to make sure their lives are what you worked so hard to give.
I helped Brady pack his things.
We stuffed trash bags full of his clothes.
He went to the closet and pulled your jacket out.
He asked me to pack it for him.
It was heart wrenching.
He’s only twelve and he has to put on a brave face because he has “dried up” all his tears.
He has no more left to cry.
He kept the broken air soft gun you gave him.
And if it had your name, you can be sure he packed it away for him and Blake.

Tommy and I loaded all of Brady’s things into my car.
We couldn’t get Blake to pack his stuff.
He’s mad we have to sell the dogs.
Then Tommy and I started on our way home.
But I had to stop and say good bye.
So I stopped at the place where you died.
And I got out of the car and I cried.
I sat in front of that white cross and I cried.
I wanted to write your name on the cross so passer-by’s would know your name.
But I didn’t have a pen, or a pencil, or a crayon, or a sharpie, or even a tooth pick.
So your memorial is left unmarked; except by love.

I’m going to go back every year until I feel I don’t need to anymore.
I’m going to make sure that the cross stays where it is, and no one touches it.
Cause I’ll just put it right back.
I went to that spot today.
The place where you died.
And I sat there and I cried.
And as far as I’m concerned, that place where you died…
Is Holy ground.

Reviews

[Goodbyeguilt]

This is easily one of the most poignant and beautiful, heart breaking, soul wrenching poems I have ever written.
I have no critical comments.
There are none to give.
Losing someone is incredibly painful for all concerned. You have taken this emotion and crafted it to perfection in words.
I particularly appreciate the significance of you going to the place where he did.
I understand that to you it would be Holy ground as I often pass the spot where my friend died and feel that it is sacred.

Well done, this piece is exquisite.

GBG - Leah

[Tomás Ó C..]

Car accidents cause such heartache... and the law is an a*s in this modern age when common law partners are denied rights whereas homosexuals are given all rights... its bizzarre...

[Laura E. Aranda]

I am So So Sorry.
What a tragedy
You convede it so clearly. How much of a heartache it must be
Words are so vain sometimes
They can never truly express what we feel but it feels good to try........

I am glad you were able to share this. It was capturing and immortallizing

Lea

[neanie]

tragic story; beautiful written

[Jane Doe]

Grief is a powerful emotion and you did a wonderful job of describing what you feel in your pain. I'd offer my favorite lines, but the entire piece is so good, I couldn't pick a favorite.

[[untitled]]

Wow!!!! This is so powerful!! I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my brother!!! This was well written. Very well done!!!

[BBuggy]

I have only one thing to say.......waaaaaaaaahhhh.....
I can't imagine how it would feel to lose a brother (i only have one). I truly admire how well this piece was written. Great job.

[justjenn_2u]

I could feel the loss from your words! How brave to go back to the memorial site and pay tribute. This poem is a legacy!

[strange_gurl]

very nice subject,very touching

[Imperfection]

This was so descriptive that it wasn't hard to picture the images in my head.

When you lose someone, everyday becomes a struggle.
I call it a struggle because we want to push the memories out of our head for they hurt us. And at the same time, we want to cling on to them for we know that we won't have any more moments with that person.
Painful words but beautifully expressed.
Touched me deeply.

[Nick Erickson]

If it wasn't for me sitting up late at night, reading through people's writings I wouldn't have stumbled upon your writing and I would have missed out. I see the crosses every day and never know who they are for, what their lives were, or who they loved or who loved them. Most times I never give them a second thought and now, I feel a little guilty. I have nothing to say but "outstanding".