Wonderful use of unconventional layout, Lizardo--this is certainly a poem that belongs to the wind! You might not need the ellipses at the end. Because of your spacing the words are read with pauses anyway, the form punctuates itself. Great write, man!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Actually the pauses where meant to be lo Thanks Tom :) Im glad you liked this one and thank you for .. read moreActually the pauses where meant to be lo Thanks Tom :) Im glad you liked this one and thank you for taking your time and reading this, thanks :)
Very nice and I like it all the way through. I will mention one place I would like a change, but understand your poem is your poem and if you receive suggestions, only go with them it they feel right.
We've tried to fly
But we've fell down
We've tried to fly
But we fell down
It would change your word count per line if that is you issue, but have fun that's what it's about.
Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing a wonderful view of achievement and goals in life.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thanks Willard :) I really appreciete your time to read this, because there are a lot of better work.. read moreThanks Willard :) I really appreciete your time to read this, because there are a lot of better works out there
Ill see what I can do, but really, thanks a lot
9 Years Ago
I read a fair amount of writing and I comment when I can. Some writing is so out there or unreadable.. read moreI read a fair amount of writing and I comment when I can. Some writing is so out there or unreadable that I don't comment. I think your words and message were good. Your structure and format that some have mentioned could be different and the poem still would work. But it's yours to make the change only if you feel it adds to your work.
I was thinking about the format, but I dont get it, like the format of the words or the layout of th.. read moreI was thinking about the format, but I dont get it, like the format of the words or the layout of the poem?
9 Years Ago
I work on words with little creative presentation, but that's my brain. If I am looking to please ot.. read moreI work on words with little creative presentation, but that's my brain. If I am looking to please others beyond myself I look at what format is most often used for a successful poem and go from there. If you are looking for part of your art to be the format and words, then you do what you did. With what you have there is extra work involved beyond the words in reading it. You have lots of think about and I may not be helping. LOL
9 Years Ago
LOL dont worry it is :) thank you a lot, ill see what I can do
Lizardo, it was a great poem without the funky format! The picture fit the poem well. I think that the format is very distracting and destructive to a beautiful effort. But, I am just 1 small voice among many!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thanks perkele! I'm wondering, like the usage of the verses put in aleatory ways? Or the format of t.. read moreThanks perkele! I'm wondering, like the usage of the verses put in aleatory ways? Or the format of the letters ?
It's really awesome...... but the fact is we never learn to fly, it's our thoughts and views which become so broad so they look like flying making us lighter....
Very great job lizardo it's really a wonderful poem
i am not sure if fear ever really goes away...but i think we learn how to cope with it...go after what we want anyway...maturity happens when don't let fear rule us..and then life can be full of surprises...all we have to do is let it happen...
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
It goes and returns Jacob, it goes and returns, and when it goes, it's better to enjoy those moments.. read moreIt goes and returns Jacob, it goes and returns, and when it goes, it's better to enjoy those moments and be prepared for when it returns.
Thanks for the review Jacob, I really appreciete it!
Lizardo: It sparkles and shines: uplifting and encouraging, and so very true. Some people give up, grieve and forget to believe and one day, they make the choice to fight or die...your observations about human nature is inciteful. I like the metaphors too, the image of a bird in flight, the freedom above all the world's problems without worries. Great writing, and the layout is attractive and gives the reader time to pause: I really enjoyed it. Like Tom Petty said, I learning to Fly...but I 'aight got winds, coming down is the hardest thing. Great work Lizardo. thank you so very much. Dale
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much Dale! I really appreciete your visit here :)
I really got inspire today, wh.. read moreThank you so much Dale! I really appreciete your visit here :)
I really got inspire today, when I was going in my car and saw the different people passing in between my eyes, then a good song, and there you have it, a product of my mind haha.
Thanks Dale, your visits are always welcoming :)