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A Chapter by Lizardo

First chapter to my story, It's a little prologue or introduction

I woke up in the morning like any other day, the sun shining in my room, the smell of fresh homemade pancakes. as a matter of fact, I thought this would be a great day from the beginning butThere was only one thing off from this day; I couldn’t remember anything from yesterday.

But how was this possible? How could I not remember the events from yesterday? Maybe I didn’t get much sleep or maybe I hit my head with something. I didn’t spend much time thinking about it, so I finally got off my bed and took a shower, brush my teeth and dress up.

My room wasn’t that big, by my window I had my computer and my ‘’work space’’ area where I would do my homework or play in the computer, my room was colored yellow,blue,green. It gave it a magical touch when I woke up. from the right side of that was my bed and at top of the ceiling I had my own T.V. It wasn’t such a mess, I usually had my room really neat, I hated disorder, I always loved order.

‘’Benjamin! Your breakfast is ready, get here we don’t have much time! School starts at 8:00 AM!’’

Ah my mother, Always so sweet and elegant with me and always trying to hide her sorrow from me. Since our father left us, she hasn’t been the same, she really loved my father and what he did to us, had no name. I was 12 when that happen, now I’m 16 years old and still fighting to not go to school, people usually bothered me because I was to quiet or silent, I got mad at that, It’s who I am, why get mad to people when they don’t speak? I usually don't talk to nobody at school everyone hated me I hated them, there was only one great friend that I had there, his name is Lizardo.

He was almost like me, that’s why we treated each other like brothers. We hated them they hated us; we were like a commando group trying to take down the king, always playing tricks to them and bothering them.

‘’BENJAMIN, GET YOUR BUTT HERE AND EAT YOUR DAMN BREAKFAST!’’ yelled my mom

Crap, I got lost in my thoughts again

‘’Coming mama!’’ I answered

My house was kind of big, I got out of my room, pass the bathroom, pass my mother’s bedroom and went down stairs, pass the living room where our other T.V was and enter the kitchen.

Ah, there were pancakes in the table with bacon and eggs and fresh orange juice. The sun light shinning through the window, but a yellowish sun light, like the one you would usually see in the movies.

I ate as fast I as could because it was getting really late, I grabbed my backpack and kiss my mom on the cheek. Here is when the terror started.

I went outside, we had flowers on our front garden. My mother would usually go plant a lot for the house to look beautiful.

guess what? THERE WAS NO SUN!

How could this be possible? There were other people in the street, everyone getting out of their houses or going in, and nobody had notice that there wasn’t the big yellow disk in the sky? But the weird part was that, even without sun, there was light shining through everything. But a really yellowish light.

I rush back inside and asked my mom with terror running through my body

‘’MOM! There’s no sun!’’

‘’Oh… Don’t worry my boy, everything is going to be fine… maybe you just didn’t see it..’’

There was something going, my mother wouldn't act so carelesly about something like that.but I didn’t want my imagination to float in the ocean of my thoughts. So I got outside again and went to Lizardo’s house, which was next door.As I was walking to Lizardo's home, I felt like someone was taken from me, not physically but in an abstract way, I heard a gun shot behind my back and for a moment, I couldn't remember my mother. I knew what mother meant, but I didn't remember her.

‘’Hey Dreamer, Time to go to school!’’ I yelled

He suddenly open the door and tackled me in my chest, I fell down and grunted

‘’What the heck is wrong with you!?’’ I yelled

‘’WHO DARES TO BOTHER WHILE I EAT!’’ He yelled

Ah Lizardo, that guy was pretty nice all the time and kind of dramatic sometimes which made a great impact in the situation most of the time.

‘’Ah Benjamin, I didn’t see you come, hahah LOL of course I did, I just wanted to tackle you’’ He said laughing

‘’Hey what the Heck? Where in the world is the bloody sun?’’ Lizardo said in panic

‘’Same thoughts here dude, I have no Idea’’

‘’But it seems that nobody has seen it’’

‘’Maybe it’s just our imagination’’ Lizardo said

‘’Maybe’’ I said

‘’Or maybe it’s just a dream’’

next chapter

© 2015 Lizardo

My Review

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Reviews

Justin Xavier Smith

A few spelling and grammatical errors here and there, and the verb tense switches between present and past fairly consistently, which is jarring for a reader. Also, some of the more "conversational" elements of the story don't really work based on the way the story is being told. It feels like a straightforward narrative but every once in a while he says something like "Guess what?" or "Crap" during his speech and it feels out of place. There is a way to work that in naturally, but right now it doesn't feel right.
Also, when you have to describe the character traits of a character, that means we aren't actually going to see the character behave that way, and that's a problem. I'd rather see the character's actions and figure out what I think of him myself, without having someone tell me how I'm supposed to feel about a person.
Otherwise, an intriguing start!

Posted 9 Years Ago

9 Years Ago

Okay, I'll fix them.
Thank you so much for your review!

Astrid Blake

Dun Dun Duuun!!!! That was really good! I really like it, Lizardo! That last line is really an intriguer. Love it, and will keep reading the next chapters. Some errors, though. All of us have them!
- Inky B.