When The Sun Shines

I feel really down

I know that you have a heavy storm

Holding on your back

With every minute passing

It gets heavier and the problems

Keep on coming

The darkness sorrounds you

And the sorrow

Keeps on dripping from your head

You can feel the weight of the problems bringing you down

The Gravity from earth

Hitting you harder

And another days has passed

But you believe that someday it will disappear

When the Sun Rises again in the morning

The light that keeps us moving

The Pain doesn't dissapear

Without a fight

Head to head againts sorrow

Bringing you down to the grown

Only a matter of minutes before you colapse...

But what is the point of collapsing?

when you didn't even fight back

The Storm that's on your back

Weights a lot

And earth's gravity is mocking you around

But you know that everything will disappear

When the Sun Shines again

In the morning

With it's light giving us hope

To keep us going

From our Dissatrous storm

Reviews

[Workvio]

A touching write that tells me you are aware, in your life, of the pain others feel when, perhaps. no one else sees ... The sun shines most every day somewhere in the world, but all too often the sun is shrouded in darkness within the heart and minds of those who are hurting inside, isolated and alone ... Good write, with a powerful and meaningful message ...

[Lizardo]

Thank you so much ! I really appreciete it

[Jimmy Yetts]

The sun--Earth's source of life--often sheds light that chases away our concerns and heals many human hurts.
Your point is nicely made, Lizardo.
Heartfelt work with impact, my friend.

[Lizardo]

Thank you Frankie my friend, I really appreciete it

[Amy J]

I love the last paragraph a lot- very powerful!

[Lizardo]

Thank you so much Amy! I really appreciete it

[CA Anurag Sharma]

The last para is the best part.... overall a good read....

[Lizardo]

Thank you so much!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

two suggestions....i do think this piece has strong potential...but do a check of spelling and i also would keep this in first person if it is about the speaker...it gets a little confusing as to whether the speaker is talking about himself, or the other person mentioned.

clarifying and editing and this can be as strong as the storm mentioned in the poem.

jacob

[Lizardo]

Thank you I will do right now

[Lizardo]

I think I fixed it now

[jacob erin-cilberto]

much better...one place should be "its" possessive...and in one spot, "weighs a lot"---

but otherwise, much clearer...