Nightmare

Woke up in a strange place

Where hope and happiness were forbidden words

My heart pounding with a great speed

something was coming...

i have to get out of here

i ran as fast as i could 

and didn't even realize

That i was in a city

The ghostly sounds emerged from nowhere

And the mysterious shadows disappeared when i look back

My heart started pound even faster 

I felt anxiety...

it seemed as if the city had no ending

and my vision began to darken

Every step that i took could cost me a mistake

I stopped and turned around

The ghostly shadows were watching me

Without a mouth, it only had eyes

red eyes..

at that time i felt even more scare

I try to yell and do something

But i couldn't hear my voice

I was  mute...

then the darkness started to surround me

it was the end for me

as the figure came closer to me 

I tried to move, but i couldn't

the shadow grew closer... and closer...

and closer...

I didn't want to look

but when i open my eyes

The figure was right in my face watching me

the ghostly sounds returned

But then i woke up

in a hospital

my sister was there

'' you finaly woke up!'' she said

''how long have i been sleeping?'' i asked

''6 months''

Reviews

[Brian M. Peeples]

I'm just going to help you out by, instead of pointing out some things I noticed that were a little off, posting your poem with those changes:

Woke up in a strange place
Where hope and (happiness) were (forbidden) words
My heart pounding with a great speed
Something was coming...
(I have) to get out of here

(I ran) as fast as I could
And didn't even realize
That i was in a city...

The ghostly sounds emerged from nowhere
And the (mysterious) shadows (disappeared) when i look back
My heart started (pound) even faster
I felt anxiety..

It seemed as (if) the city had no ending
and my vision (began to darken)
Every step that i took could cost me a mistake

I stopped and (turned) around
The ghostly shadows (were) watching me
Without (a) mouth, it only had eyes
Red eyes..

at that time i felt even more scare
I try to (yell) and do something
But I (couldn't) hear my voice
I was mute..

Then the darkness started to surround me
It was the end for me
As the figure (came) closer to me
I (tried) to move, but I (couldn't)

The shadow (grew) closer... and closer...
and closer...
I didn't want to look
But when I open my eyes
The figure was right in my face, watching me
The ghostly sounds returned

But then i woke up
In a hospital
My sister was there
''You (finally) woke up!'' she said
''How long have i been sleeping?'' I asked..
''Six months.''

Well, I hope it was okay doing this. I just put parentheses around words I spell-checked for you and fixed up. If this wasn't okay, you don't have to make the changes/edits. But I figured I'd try to help out. Overall, I loved it. Keep it up!

[Lizardo]

No need to worry. The main reason that i found this website is for two things:
1. Get my grammar better
Since i haven't gone to the U.S since 2010, here in el salvador I cant really keep up with the english, so i wanted to find a website where i could post the things that i write, get critizice and people telling what is wrong with my grammar.
With all of my pleasure i will fix it, thank you a lot! :)

[Brian M. Peeples]

No problem! Always here to help. :)

[Laura Lynn]

I read this aloud to my son, he says that's a little bit scary; thanks there was nothing controversial in this has a lot of dramatic "crescendo"

[Lizardo]

Thank you! oh really? i did try to make it a little scary

[Sami Khalil]

I had goosebumps reading this wonderful depiction on the nightmare experience..:).....

[Lizardo]

Thank you!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)....