Too Late

"We run and run and soon enough, we run into nightfall. "

The room is filthy, scattered with notebooks and binders and random trinkets. The sun streams through a single small window. With every step I take I am trudging through time. So much time. So much lost yet so little to show for it. I tie my jacket closed and glance around. I used to live here. I know it wasn't too long ago, but the place looks like it's been decaying for years. The shadows here seem to move. I flop on my bed in the corner, it sinks down to the floor and keeps sinking. It is so much more worn than I remember it.
I glance across the room at my desk. My desk is covered with sketchbooks and notebooks and half-burned candles. The mirrors here are still in tact, although, there is something strange about them I can't quite place my finger on. The glass surfaces seem to ripple.
Everything here is alive. I pick up a notebook, Its one of those multi-subject ones, with a light blue cover and old, loose papers sticking out the sides.
I flip through my old friend's pages, giggling at my past scribbles, correcting them. I am completely engrossed. I rummage through my old writings, literally watching myself evolve right before my eyes.
And then someone taps me on the shoulder. I look up to see an old friend, someone I lost a very long time ago. She's as lovely as ever, still up on the latest fashions and still popular with damn near everyone, I suspect. She smiles but doesn't say a word. I stand up and embrace her, my heart is soaring, I can't believe it, I could have sworn she had forgotten about me. We spin around the center of the room, hand in hand. After a few moments the dizziness sets in and we both collapse, giggling hysterically. I look out the window. The sun is bright and lights up the room like a spotlight. It is a beautiful summer day and I couldn't possibly be happier. My friend and I rush down the stairs, laughing about something but I have no clue what, and fling open the door to greet the afternoon. The air hits me like a truck. Everything is so light, so divine. The sun tip-toes on my exposed skin as I toss my coat aside. I breathe in the air, as deeply as I possibly can, and smile. My friend tickles my stomach. I crack up, tears stream from my eyes and she is running off. "Oh no you don't!" I call, sprinting after her. We run and run and soon enough, we run into nightfall.
I am alone outside a popular coffee bar, the air is getting chilly and all I have to do is look at the moon. She is full and bright. Her light smiles upon me and I return the favor. I have always admired the moon. There is music in the background, someone in the parking lot is picking familiar tunes out on his guitar. I feel an embrace, like a rush, warm arms clasp around me and quickly release, leaving me stranded in a graveyard. The headstones are all lit up with candles. The cemetery looks like a field of stars. The pinpricks of light cascade down the rolling hills and climb back up again.
My friend is coming towards me, she smiles and gives me her usual greeting of "hey, sugar, whats kickin'?" It draws a smile from my lips.
I feel a hard push and I fall into a large hole in the ground. It goes on forever, I just keep falling. Off to my sides I see flashes of images, things I'm missing. I want to stop my descent. I want to explore. But I have no control. I just keep falling.
My eyes snap open. I've fallen asleep in class again. It's 2:30 and the day is almost over. It's a Friday, I hear people around me planning their weekends and my heart sinks. I have no plans. I haven't even plans to have plans. I pick up my books and rush out of the school. I run and run. I run until I'm gliding. I love gliding. The wind rushes past me. I am at the ocean, being splashed by the sea. In another breath I am in the city, gliding above the buildings. Then I am on the ground, in a field, surrounded by snapdragons of all colors. I pull their mouths open and revel in the elastic reaction when i let go.
A man walks up to me. He is young and wearing strange attire. He looks as if he just wandered out of a renaissance fair. I can't help but smile at him. He smiles back. The snapdragons catch my fingers in their mouths and swallow me whole. The inside of a snapdragon is very soft and wonderful, the light that gets through is filtered through the petals. This one is a light purple flower.
I hear laughing. I turn and run down a corridor, the sun filtering through purple-curtained windows. As I run the laughing dissolves into sobs. I turn right and find myself in a courtyard. My friend is there. She is distraught, I cannot console her. She sobs and sobs. Her wails of pain grow louder and envelop me. I offer my help, but she does not take it. Frustrated, I leave her side and take off running again. Her cries follow me. They violate my ears. I feel as if I am in a wind tunnel. I run and run, but all I can hear are my friend's screams. But I still do not go back to help her.
Bam! I'm on the cold wooden floor, my face is bleeding. There is a lump rising in my throat to choke me. There are darts in my eyes. My nose smarts and aches. It makes my whole face throb. Someone leans down to help me, I push them away and sprint off. The throbbing of my face coincides with the pounding of my feet. I keep running.
I run back into the night, into the woods. There is a bonfire. There are people talking and laughing around it. I hear music and familiar voices. I see two people I know embracing each other and giggling. I feel light, I smile, though they can't see me. Another of the figures is playing a guitar, fingers flying up and down the fretboard, he obviously has no other thought in the world apart from the music. I lay down just outside this circle of friends. My friend sits beside me, glances at me, then gets up and leaves again. I do not care.
The stars are out, I am dancing under the moon, lifting up my skirts and skipping around like a madwoman. I am in my field of snapdragons. They move and breathe and grow wings. They exhale down my neck and join in my singing. I sing until the sun peeks out and then I sing more. No one comes. I begin to call out, to scream. I am still alone. My dragons have long departed. I am alone in the middle of a barren field. I drop to my knees. I'm so tired.
My knees sink through the earth. I keep descending. I am descending through clouds. I am falling. I am falling faster and faster. I do not mind, the wind is quite pleasant. I hit the ground and hear the roar of thunder.
I feel water dripping on my face and I laugh. The rain is pleasantly cool. I feel the drops run down my chin, onto my eyelids, through my hair. I never see my friend anymore, so I take comfort in the storm. An image of my friend suddenly flashes behind my eyelids. The thunder turns to screeching, the water turns to fire. I open my eyes and sit up. I am on the side of the road, hiding behind a tree. My friend is next to me. There is panic in her face. We hold each other one last time. There is a fire in the road. There is also a figure in the passenger's side of a mangled car, which I can see is the source of the fire. I squeeze my friend tight. I won't let you go this time. I bury my face in her shoulder. Don't leave, please, don't leave me alone. Not again. Please. She tears away from my grasp, tears streaking down her face, and she runs headlong into the fire.
I am empty. I am alone and I am empty. I never belonged with my friend, anyway. I never belonged with anyone. I remember my field. I dash back to it. But my field is no longer there. It is a vast expanse of mud and rubble. my snapdragons are gone. My sun is gone. My moon is gone. They were all from centuries ago. My pain is excruciating. I want to tear my insides out to cease the onslaught of torture. I belong nowhere. Nowhere here. Not in this time. I was born too late. I belong with no one. I belong nowhere. I am nowhere.
My body stutters with sobs. The mattress beneath me is comfortable and forgiving. The sun glares in my face. The mirrors are shattered. There are shards of glass in my hands and knees. I am alone. Nothing moves in the room anymore. The shadows are still. I am utterly alone for now and forever more.