a bright light in a family of pain

family

 

like many families mine is broken and not a close one as i see others often are.  i have always been envious of the families that have remained close and weathered the storms together and come out on the other end still tight as ever.  i come from a large family that as we grew older there were lines drawn in the sand and promptly crossed leaving wounds that were never tended to and salt rubbed in here and there leaving a new scar each time. when you come from a large family there are bound to be some problems as each grows up and marries and start their own life.  regardless of the reasons some families are not close it makes it especially uncomfortable when a parent dies.  the family will need to come together for what will inevitably be the last time.  some families use the funeral itself to start a new wound, a new scar.  when you find yourself in a family like this it is especially sad in more ways than a person will care to admit.  although it gives you all the confirmation you could ever need, it is never easy to feel the pain family members inflict on you.  in my case after my daughter and I attended the funeral of my father out of state i phoned two of my friends to share with them how uncomfortable it all was.  this was my big ah-ha moment....one of those moments in life that you will never forget and always know as a turning point.  one of my friends said 'are you done now?'  meaning please walk away and don't look back.  and the other friend cried.  shortly after speaking to them my daughter and i boarded the plane to come home.  everything was settling as the plane took flight and i had an overwhelming urge to cry.   the tears were because i felt so very blessed and loved.  i may not have the sibings others are blessed with but who is to say what and who make up a family.  my friends are more then family ever could be and it finally dawned on me i always had what i wanted.  i embraced that.   i was flying home to a wonderful husband and family, especially my beautiful granddaughter Grace and friends.  the last song that was played at my father's funeral was Amazing Grace.  without speaking a word my daughter and i both sung it loud and proud.  we knew how much this song meant at that very moment. 

 

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall profess, within the vail,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun

Chorus:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

 

 

Author's Note

just a thought