This is Grief

A Poem by Livenrite

Each line consists of exactly 10 syllables.

Stomach makes a pit, when asked to please sit

you cannot disguise, the dread in your eyes

to avoid a scene, you pause in between

words that now realize, their role in surprise

hand on the shoulder, never felt colder

voices now blocked out, leaving room to shout

letting go to run, to pursue the sun

only clouds are out, no space left for doubt

falling to the ground, lost and won't be found

cannot find the head, that stored what was said

how to get off feet. when feeling defeat

today grief was fed, loved one is now dead

© 2010 Livenrite

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Reviews

Thomas Fitzgerald

Pain, fear and anxiety, it speaks to me like a study on human weakness and desire to be better, very well written my friend.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Rhine Wolf

Ooooo nicely done!!! pain and sorrow came through strongly!! well done!

Blessed be,
Fallon

Posted 14 Years Ago

Bhavya Kaushik

I loved it, it is very painful and the flow is...awesome! :)

Posted 14 Years Ago

Mike Espinosa

This is an interesting poem. Your rhyme scheme and syllable breaks are very interesting and creative.

The first line confused me though. The wording felt awkward. I know you are working within certain restrictions, but I think changing "when asked to please sit" to "when I'm asked to sit." If it's not an I statement, 'you're' or 'we're' could fit just as well.

"words that now realize, its role in surprise" This is an odd line. I don't know what the 'its' is referring to. Words? Grief? I honestly don't know. If it's words, then it should be their, not its.

Your rhymes seem kind of forced throughout the poem. I don't know if you can fix that in this poem or not, but it is something i think you should consider.

Overall, this is a great start. Good job.