Hopes

I don't know why i do this

I get all excited for something that might not even happen

Convince myself that it was true

Even though it probably wasn't

But i eat myself alive in waiting

Waiting for something 

Anything 

She said she would text

So i should leave it at that

But i can't do that

F**k no i cannot 

My stupid brain says 

“keep checking”

“keep checking”

“keep checking”

Until i begin tearing at my own skin with anxiety

Then i let myself sink into a depressed state 

Trying my hardest to stay positive 

But what's the fun in that

Why not just sit in front of a screen waiting for an invite that’ll never come

Why do i even try

Why bother

I don’t understand why i hope for the impossible

Hoping is pointless

Waiting is painful

But not quite as painful

As the blood that drips onto my floor