Punishment

Why are you doing this to me?

Why wont you talk to me

You wont even look at me

Its like you’re acting like I don’t exist

Like I’m a ghost

I didn’t want to hurt you

I wasn't trying not to

I just wanted to be on my own for once

To not depend on someone else

Do I really deserve to be punished for that?

I’m sorry that I hurt you

I’m sorry that you’re lonely

I wish I could fix it

But I can’t

And I’m over it

I’m over whatever this was

It never felt real to me

It was like some fairytale

That I knew deep down would end terribly

So I stopped it before it could

I’m so used to people hurting me

It was so weird to be close to someone who was so kind to me, so open

I hated it

Deep down I enjoy being hurt

Cause I grew up with it

I was raised with an abusive parent

It’s all I know

I couldn’t stand to be with someone so nice

I don’t deserve someone nice

Or maybe I do

Maybe its just not what I want

I was always so uncomfortable with you

Whenever you were close

I wanted you to move further away

But I could see how happy it made you

So, I ignored my own feelings

I live to please people

I will do anything to make someone else smile

Even if I hate it

Even if it hurts me

Even if it breaks me

But should I be punished for that?

I don’t know the answer to that.

Maybe I never will

Im sorry.

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

Tough one, I suppose if you're used to being hurt and someone is kind to you, then it must be confusing.
Time is a great leveller though, and who knows what the future holds.