Fantastical Love

Along the way it became an acrostic.

I am real

Still spinning
Tortured
In love
Lying here
Leaving you alone

Lower me to mirage
Outside of your heart
Voluntarily discarded
Everlasting disguise

You chalk me up to fantasy
Our reality is forced
Unclosed closure

 

 

Little Mouse

July 31, 2007

Reviews

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

I love acrostics. In this one, it might read a little better, and make a tighter poem if you changed the word. The word "and" traded for the word "Here", would change the fourth line from a transitional phrase to a line that stands on its own.


I am real

Still spinning
Tortured
In love
Lying here
Leaving you alone

Lower me to mirage
Outside of your heart
Voluntarily discarded
Everlasting disguise

You chalk me up to fantasy
Our reality is forced
Unclosed closure

� 2007 Little Mouse

It reads alright the way it is, the suggestion is just that, and does not detract from your lovely poem.

JBD

[Celtic Cat]

Ouch, Little Mouse. This one hurts. a/k/a good writing!!! (sad topic)

[M Lamont]

Nice work in matching the poem to the message. I'll hold off on any further comments related to subject matter.