Bad Day

Thinking out loud, thoughts on paper.

Instability of my mind. I do have it and I am aware of it. On a Bad Day my mind is able to forcefully deconstruct all or any moment from that day. It's that brick by brick deconstruction too, slow, precise and repetitive.

Colour is drained out. A new perspective is given to the dialogue. Its always the words that go round my head. My inner self steps in questioning my role, my words, my moves almost accusing at times. It can build up so much that it is like the psychotic coach on the sideline of a big game calling me names and yelling abuse because I missed the mark. I ruined it or I will ruin it. Also paving the way for distrust in the other party or parties in my moment.

My anxiety builds, that low in the pit of your stomach nausea ebbs and flows. My chest is tight and I look pale. It can not be turned off with the simple flick of a switch. Listening to the constant negative banter my faith and self trust wanes. I'm tired and worn; I have only weakness against the negative.

The only thing safe for me to do is to curl up tight under my duvet and close my eyes. I wait to fall asleep. Without opening my eyes I squeeze tears out. This is the simplest way to shut my head up. To just STOP. With the hope that the new day is a Good Day.

Reviews

[QuietlyCrash]

I can definitely relate to this. It's really well written and very well executed. This is exactly how a panic attack feels and you've captured it perfectly. Everything was top notch, and I felt like I was in that place reading it. Powerful stuff. All in all really great job, love your writing.

[littlemiss56]

Thankyou QuietlyCrash and CarolT-W for your reviews. I am glad it read well and my discriptive efforts came through as I was not sure if it needed more. Open to further reviews :D

[CarolT-W]

After years of feeling this way myself I truly congratulate you, especially on the last line because hope is what resilience gives us to keep going.