Heights

A poem I wrote during a break up from a toxic person

You put me on a pedestal
And I enjoyed the view
Never noticing
Or minding
That you
Were sculpting
Until I balked
At a deep slice
Until you found
I was too comfortable there
And came
To kick it out from underneath me
Look how far I fell
Your warm hands
Strong hands
Held me close
And caressed me
And put me back upon it again
And when all the bruises had faded
You knocked me down again
And the bruises faded
Again
And again
But the broken bones just won’t set right
And fractures
Set upon fractures
Set upon fractures
You applied salves
Honeyed words
To heal my open wounds
Gently chided me
Silly Icarus
What was I doing there
In the first place
Hadn’t I known
If I had just stood still
I wouldn’t have tipped this perch
Wouldn’t have fallen
From this high place
Not to mention
Of course
The fact
I’d had the gall
To imagine
Venom
In his words
As I’d tumbled down
The wrath in his guiding voice
Was merely
A blot of mustard
My desire
For the earth
To swallow me whole
A product of
The cycle of the moon
Spiraling out of
Control
Sharp retorts
Lingered
Near the tip of my tongue
I set straw men in place of you
Easy to knock down
When I cannot
Face
You
I wrung the necks
Of those shades
Then returned
Smile on my face
Without the exchange
Of silver
Secrets kept
Close to my breast
And thoughts
Said to no one
Are merely thoughts
Left unspoken
Thoughts left unheard
Thoughts that blow away
Weightless upon the wind
But the wind pushed them back
To settle in
My heart and mind
The river carried them
To me again
And the weight
Crushed me
And I could carry
The burden
No longer
Hansel
Towered behind Gretel
I was there
To collect the last vestiges of sweetness
I’d left
Inside the cardboard box
You had told me was gingerbread
But Hansel’s shadow lingered over mine
In the midday sun
His strength lent to mine
I walked away
Upright
And let his footsteps
Lead mine from yours
My strength of character leads me
To examine
My own hands
And feet
To examine
The ground beneath me
The way led upwards
With my own hands
And
Feet
And with a foothold here
And a finger there
And perseverance
And a tricky maneuver
And a leap
And a brother
Or a friend
Or myself
To catch me if I fall
I find myself
On mountain tops
I am not afraid
Of high places
When I set myself
There
The ground firm
Solid on the merit
I award
Myself