TEMPTED

tempted to pout my lips to bat my eyes, tempted to want your love for mine. I'll love you deeper, kiss you harder, all your feelings I will harbor. with taking chance in a world unknown we can venture a place, make it our own. no empty promises and secrets told i'll be yours forever to hold. tempted to love you  trust you for life temped to want to be your wife. tempted to show you how good i can feel to show you what i mean is real. no destination is pure sensation never felt so much temptation. i've loved you once, might try again only with hopes this time i win.

Reviews

[Michael]

I like how you have chosen to present the work. It seems a stream of consciousness pouring from your mind. Some might find it awkward but then they most likely do not get it. It for use will not be everyone's cup of tea but that is a good thing really. I even like the way you have gently woven rhyme into it. After all, to quote Robert Frost, "writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down."

Great job.

[A.T.B.]

I liked your poem very much. I would reconsider the rhymes. Rhyming does not make a poem. In this case it takes away from the impact of the message. If you work on your imagery a bit more so as to show more than to tell, you will add strength to this piece. Of course someone else might see it differently. And that would be alright too ... :-)

[Roy L. Pickering Jr.]

This sexy, yearning little poem puts me in mind of one of my favorite quotes.
"There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
- James Branch Cabell

[The realest]

Interesting piece the rhyme scheme worked great though I would have formatted the words in stanzas so the rhyme scheme stood out more but well written

[Rylan Batten]

really good, really heartfelt. keep it up