???

I don't know what to call this. Any ideas?

I feel the blood dripping already as I take the blade to my skin
I know i shouldn't but it makes me feel like I win

I flinch in pain as the blade touches me
But deep inside I feel happy

I know it is dangerous and dumb
But the cutting has just begun

After I'm done I look down in pride
But the very next day in shame I hide

It's been a few years and its still happening
But all in all it's satisfying