Childless

Infertility is so hurtful

I am a little restless with the sound of a child screaming
It's hard to keep breathing
I try to shut my ears
That tiny thing screeching
Walk away real fast
To stop the intensified feelings
Of that baby wailing

It's easier to stay away
Alone at home
When it's her first birthday
I'd rather stay at home

I could never hold your daughter
With those tiny little hands
Watch her pursed rose bud lips
These things I couldn't stand
The smell of warm milky breath
The suckling noise they make
This tiny person all brand new
These things I couldn't take
I could never change a nappy
Or pat her back to burp
With her little eyes all glazed
It just wouldn't work

Please don't think me selfish
As you can never see
Or feel the hurt of the childless
You never feel as me
My insides are empty
From hope throughout the years
That's never amounted to nothing
I spend some days in tears
That inside I'm broken
My heart is cracked in two
For the wanting of a baby maybe even two

When she grows up and gets married
Has a baby of her own
Then your be a nanny
I'll still be alone