Choice of Cheating

Understanding why people cheat.

***There is no right in cheating. I’m writing this to explain a cheaters actions, not to justify it, or to make light of the act of cheating. I just wanted to write about something different.

Everyone hates a cheater, so why do people do it? Cheating is a selfish act that hurts everyone emotionally and mentally. We all knows how it feels to get cheated on, back stabbed, and used, whether it is relationship, family or friends.

I believe that cheating happens for many reasons; curiosity, lack of affection. There is so much that goes into cheating, the lies, secrets, and making sure you never get caught. Why put in so much work to hurt the one you love?

Curiosity kills the cat. We are humans who make mistakes and curiosity can be the reason for those mistakes. We only have one life, and we all want to experience it to the fullest, some in different ways than others. If they are so curious, why don’t they just stay single? Well, this is because a cheater finds someone they are attached to, someone they have a bond with that they want to be with. Where it is not right to cheat on the person you care about, they would rather keep the affair a secret than to hurt the person they care about with the truth. They don’t want to lose the one they love over lust. To the cheater, it seems more logical to keep it a secret, makes everyone happy.

Craving adventure. Some people get bored with the situation that they are in and enjoy the life of an affair because it keeps their life spontaneous. Sometimes in relationships, there’s a point where the relationship gets boring and people start to feed for adventure. The flowers stop coming, the sex isn’t as sexy, but the love is still there. The relationship gets too comfortable and that’s when the wandering eye happens. A wandering eye can turn into something more.

Sometimes a person can find someone that treats them better than the person they are in a relationship with. We can forget to tell our partner that we love them, that we care about them, that they look nice, and even thank you. So, when someone finds someone that makes them feel appreciated and special, they will grow and attachment and act on those emotions.

Loneliness can cause people to cheat as well. As silly as it sounds, how can you be lonely when you’re in a relationship? It all goes back to the lack of affection, not feeling special, not doing things together, therefore you start to feel alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel like the loneliness person in the world. Loneliness isn’t physical, its emotional. If you don’t have the emotional attraction and connection, you can start to feel lonely.

Like I said in the beginning, there is no right in cheating. I just tried to make sense of a cheaters mind, which doesn’t fall into place with everyone, just from personal experience. 

Author's Note

***There is no right in cheating. I’m writing this to explain a cheaters actions, not to justify it, or to make light of the act of cheating. I just wanted to write about something different.

Reviews

[Jon G.]

Mink, Good on you for challenging yourself with a topic that is both compelling and controversial. "No one likes a cheater." What a powerful observation to open with. Affairs do not end well. Ever. And yet the cheaters must believe themselves the exception to go through with it. They almost have to be delusional.

Curiosity, adventure, loneliness. All fantastic observations. If you have never read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, might I suggest a quick Google search to learn about it. Dr. Chapman suggests there are five dimensions of affection between two people: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. He outlines a framework where people have a natural preference to show love in one or more of these "languages", and have a natural need to feel loved in one or more of these.

Dr. Chapman goes on to assert that issues occur in relationships when a person's natural way of feeling loved does not match their partner's natural way of showing love. And while there are issues with his framework, it is a fun one to use when you are trying to understand why people cheat.

Think about a couple where the man shows affection by giving gifts, and the woman feels affection by physical touch. He will feel like she is unappreciative and she will feel neglected. Now imagine either one of them, while in that relationship, find someone who matches their natural tendencies for demonstrating or receiving love. Now here is someone who understands him/her. Here is someone who can fill the need not being met by their current partner. And the feeling of finally getting what they need to be happy.

Now, what that doesn't explain is how a person can delude themselves into thinking there will be no consequences. That somehow this affair will be different. That somehow it is justified and morally right, perhaps some sort of karmic balance owed to them for the emotional suffering imposed on them by their partner. I don't really know.

I applaud you for taking on such a rich subject. There is almost no story told today that doesn't include some plot of infidelity. I hope you continue to explore the topic and would love to see more from you along these lines. Thank you for sharing!

[Mink]

Thanks so much for the feedback! I will definitely take the time to check out Five Love Languages. Sounds interesting.

[Victoriana]

I really enjoyed reading as well as managing to talk about cheating to clearly in such a short time. Definitely agree with all the steps that you mentioned. Also, it's always nice to read about topics which are condemned by society and no one talks about them, but they still exist everywhere. Nice, clear work!