Angie

Just an idea at the moment. Will be mystery/supernatural.

                Angie looked around nervously. Could anyone see her? She didn’t think so. But you never knew who was lurking in the dark corners, just waiting to pop out at you. No, she told herself sharply, this isn’t some dumb horror movie. It was in real life. Things like that didn’t happen in real life. People didn’t pop out of nowhere, witches didn’t brew potions, werewolves didn’t come out at the full moon, and vampires didn’t suck you dry. Plus, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was just a girl going on a walk at night. She couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t planning anything illegal. She was doing nothing wrong.

 

                Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being followed. It was almost a sixth sense kind of thing. She didn’t understand it and she certainly didn’t believe it, but somehow she knew she was being followed. She turned the corner, not sure where exactly she was going. A cloaked figure stepped out from behind a bush. Angie stepped back, frightened.

                “I’ve been waiting for you, Angie,” a soft voice whispered. Angie’s eyes widened. She knew that voice. But it was impossible.

                “Mom? Mom, what’s going on? What are you doing here?” As the figure stepped forward, Angie could see her mother’s face, a pale heart framed by dark curly locks of hair.

                “Angie, my darling, I am sorry for leaving you like that. I have missed you so much. Can you ever forgive me, my dear?” A single tear slid down Angie’s face.

                “Mom, it wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing to forgive. I missed you too.” Angie closed the space between them and threw her arms around her mother.

                “Mommy, mommy, mommy,” Angie cried into her mother’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much. I still miss you.” The woman stroked her daughter’s hair gently, her own eyes dry.

                “I’ve missed you too, love. I didn’t want to leave. You know that I would never choose to leave you, dear. I had no choice. If I’d had a choice, I would have chosen you. I would always choose you.” Angie sniffed quietly.

                “Can I come with you now?” Angie asked hopefully. The woman smiled sadly and shook her head.

                “No, baby. It’s too soon. I will come for you when it’s time, my dear. As soon as it’s time, I will come. I promise.” Angie wiped tears from her eyes.

                “But you said you were waiting for me! Why can’t I come? I want to come! Please, Mom. Let me come,” she begged. Her mother shook her head again.

                “I’m sorry, love. I have to go. I love you, baby. Never forget that.” Without saying anything else, she walked away. A cloud of fog appeared behind her, making it impossible for Angie to even try to follow. Shaking with fear, she ran as quickly as she could back to the hospital. She rushed over to her aunt, who was standing in the lobby, tears pouring from her eyes.

                “Aunt Lena, I saw her! I saw Mom. She’s okay. I saw her!” Lena shook her head and pulled Angie into a tight hug.

                “That’s impossible, Angie. We lost her. We just lost her.”

 

Author's Note

Would anyone read this?

Reviews

[krbritt]

Aww... (i know that's a stupid response, but that was my first reaction. Anyway, back to the actual literary stuff)
This is very well-written. Somehow you managed to make the ridiculously overused idea of being followed into the night original. The ending was completely unexpected, halfway through, i was thinking, "are her parents divorced or something....?"

[Sarah E. Pearson]

Aw!! This is really sweet, and I had this questioning sense of "how'd her mother leave?" throughout it, right to the end. Great job getting the point across with in such a short piece! It definitely packs a lot of emotion. Great write!!

[SwagMaster]

I loved it, but the ending kind of threw me off. Will there be more? It seems like you just opened up a book about a girl seeing the dead, then slammed it closed. If you wanted to make it like, "Awww, this girl just lost her mom, but it's okay because they were able to say goodbye." and all that, you should add a little more that shows Angie's struggle through what she just saw, and then how she accepts her mom's death.
The beginning was kind of tricky, too, how it led me to believe this would be a fiction story about werewolves and vampires and stuff, but it twisted in a different direction.
Loved it the story!!!

[Jezabel's Theory]

but overall i really thought this was well done. most stories on here are so obvious, and you suprised me twice. i loved it!

[Jezabel's Theory]

good work! I did not expect it to b her mom, and I did not expect the ending, but each of the twists made sense. I think you could hint that she needed to walk to clear her head or something like to give the reader a reason she's out there to begin with. or maybe hint that along with the "she wasn't doinging anything wrong" that she still kind of felt like she was becasuse she should be somewhere else (like with her mother the hospital). also, why was her mom wearing a cloak? if she knows her mom is sick (youhave to have your charactor react to what they know- not what the reader knows) why wasn't she more suprised to see her out on the street?

[Jezabel's Theory]

well, i just tried to, but you haven't really given us anything to bite onto. flesh this out. give us 500 words or so so that we can get to know this charactor and get interested in the story. All you've said thus far is that Angie went for a walk at night and was spooking herself thinking about supernatural things. But I will say that I highly appreciate the fact that you edited this! No mispellings or grammar mistakes- a much easier read than most of what I've encountered on this site!