From a Distance

at the same speed for all we will eventually fall

made of reed, bone, bead and occasionally stone

for all of us comes from the very same cause that made it all

from a height so very tall

     for all of us will come this eventual fall

　

made of dung, death, feces and breath

we will all of us every one of us eventually

have our very own preciously deadly little big fall

… and yet none the less

　

fallen from any distance, felled from any hold

i'd always much rather catch the feather than the bowling ball

   and this is no guess. . . for grace, this is a preference

　

so yes

                    all of these laws here now are constant

but for consequence, now, that will always remain

forever inconstant

Author's Note

Reviews

[KWP]

The rises and the falls make life interesting.

I once said to a friend of mine something like 'the aim is to be happy all the time' she said something back like, but what would be the point of being happy all the time? At the time I brushed it off, but it was one of those offhanded out there comments that has stuck with me and in retrospect I can see how naive my comment was in the first place. Can I revise that please? To love and experience and fall and break and then get up and glue yourself back together, to learn to be a witness instead of boiling away in the stew, to live and learn from every moment. To me anyway, that's life.

I like the interplay of life and the laws of constant.

[Davidgeo]

For the longest time I thought that the outcome was always what ultimately defined a person. But it isn't true. Life is too chaotic and at times completely random for that to be true. An old Roman word I think is apt here, 'Optimates', defined as - it is not the best but the most powerful that often rises to the top. Commiting yourself to being the best is more costly and uncomprimising and speaks more to the journey than the outcome. Becoming powerful is often times a product of favorable situations and an unscrupulous type of disposition and luck. I find the latter to be hollow despite the far greater final reward.
“Once more into the fray, into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live and die on this day, live and die on this day”.... it's never really about the outcome, it's about all of the in betweens that means everything. It's better to die proud than to live as a coward... I think that's what ultimately defines a person. Being unafraid to go unnoticed and die on your own terms is, in a way, far more heroic. You should watch that short video on the top of my profile, it articulates this idea way better than I ever could.

[Davidgeo]

(I forgot to mention, Joe Carnahan was the fella who wrote the "once more into the fray..." thing I quoted above. Which is kinda sorta a rip off of Shakespeare's "once more into the breach, dear friends...")

[A Soap Mess Stories]

Interesting read. Excellently written.

[John the Baptist]

Most of the poem seems to reflect a generally accepted truth: death indeed does come to all the children of men. The last lines, however, are enigmatic, and may represent some type of saving grace to give balance to the inevitable demise of matter. The consequence of a death may vary. Some give meaning to their lives and deaths by their beliefs and acts. If this is not so, then the whole enterprise has been in vain.

[Davidgeo]

Purpose is a personal experience that can only be found within the self and by the self. Despite the natural attachment to things outside the self only the individual can give itself purpose and meaning. An individual may use outside influences to hang their "purpose" on, like... kids, family in general, ethics, aesthetics, war, peace, progress, regression, math, pets, exercise, etc., etc.... even rather dumb things like video games or social media can be responsible for 'real' meaning and purpose in a person's life. But the individual must first make the internal choice, usually based on barely concious to unconscious preference's, the choice to find meaning after all the basic human survival needs are met starts internally.

A life does not become meaningless when reality does not line up with a persons beliefs or expectations. Because purpose and meaning aren't "real", they are things we construct from within based on what we experience and desire as we age. It's why religious dogma has ruined modern religion's of all kinds. They took an abstract myth used to give meaning to the individual within the group (everyone is 'special') despite the brutal hardships and monotony of day to day living. At the time there was a general lack of intellectual introspection but the question of "why am I doing this if it causes me so much pain and everyone I know is just going to die soon anyway?"... give that person an "answer" to that question and they find it easier to find meaning despite extreme hardship.

Ever hear of a fellow named Viktor Frankl? Check out a book called "Man's Search For Meaning". Though I'd be suprised if you aren't already familiar with Frankl or logotherapy in general.

[Papaya]

I love the line about the feather!
I think that this speaks to our human strength (or weakness, however you perceive it), hope.
Knowing there's a lot of heavy s**t to deal with yet still finding something light to reach for.
Just my thoughts of course. :)

[Davidgeo]

I like that interpretation.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Ya know a happy poem wouldn't kill'ya.
:)

However,
this dung laced bowling ball is unique, and I vote for the feather as well.
I wondered if the fall you speak of is emotional breakage or if you were thinking alittle more global.

[Davidgeo]

I try with the happy poems... I just really, really suck at them.

Nice to see you stopping by Cherrie. Have a glorious evening.

[Cherrie Palmer]

You too David

[JayG]

Rhyming without prosody is like near-beer: Never as good as the real thing.

You did ask...

[Davidgeo]

Fair enough. But why did you comment on someone else's review and not leave your own? That doesn't really make sense. Also that's an incredibly general comment; prosody can refer to much more than just rhyming or writing in linguistics. Among many other things it can refer to intellectual concepts or emotional concepts. For example... this poem is primarily about certain laws of physics in conjunction with everyday examples that convey their meaning in a more mundane and easily accessible way. For example... why a bowling ball falls from a distance is the same 'why' a feather falls from a distance but variables like density, gravity, air resistance, etc., make the consequences of those objects coming to a stop very, very different. I don't think you got what this was about so I understand why you would reach to leave a comment like that.

[JayG]

• Fair enough. But why did you comment on someone else's review and not leave your own?
read more• Fair enough. But why did you comment on someone else's review and not leave your own?

I meant it to, but selected the wrong blank box.

• Also that's an incredibly general comment; prosody can refer to much more than just rhyming or writing in linguistics.

No, it can't. Look it up. Prosody refers to the expressiveness with which the work is read. It's the intonation, rhythm, and emphasis given to words and sentences when reading out loud. And, poetry is designed to be read aloud. To aid in that, the author chooses the words and arrangement that will aid the reader in "hearing" it as it was intended You can't redefine the elements of poetry to fit your own desires.

If you want to see prosody at work, look up Robert Service's, The Cremation of Sam McGee https://www.shmoop.com/cremation-sam-mcgee/poem-text.html

Good prosody adds an almost musical quality to speech. But in this there's no attention paid to either structure or prosody, no matter how you define it. You begin with rhyming lines of a structure, ABAAA, giving the reader the idea that it will continue, but then abandon rhyming and the conventions of stanza stuture.

And you're including lthings like, "for all of us comes from the very same cause," which says you either didn't bother to edit or are using a random word poetry generator.

• I don't think you got what this was about

Don't blame the reader for not guessing your intent.That reader has only what the words suggest TO THEM, based on THEIR background and experience, not yours. When we release our words, ur intent, and everything about us becomes irrelevant. It's the reader, and what the words suggest to them.

And, you're getting your science wrong. When you say, "at the same speed for all we will eventually fall" you misunderstand. "Falling" is a term of convenience that applies only close to the surface. In space, two objects are attracted toward each other, and in space there's a vacuum. But on Earth, the only place where WE can fall, we won't fall at the same speed (in fact, on the moon, which does a slight atmosphere, a bowling ball and a feather won't fall at the same rate—though the difference is small). And people who die in bed never fall. So assuming that what you meant the words to mean is what the reader will get is a mistake.

As for why I left that small comment, you did ask for me to comment, and if I focused on the wording it would have been a lot longer, and I knew you'd not like it. I was trying to give you a single point that would make an improvement, and lead you to a better understanding of what poetry is.

[Davidgeo]

Ha... it's so easy to work you up into going on one of your long diatribes. You have a problem with ego that makes it too easy.

But more seriously, it's not hard to see that I'm talking about the theory of gravity, etc., in that poem. The line "I'd rather catch a feather than a bowling ball" is a pretty obvious giveaway there. And you missed the point about the falling thing, I'm trying to put scientific concepts in a more accessible light with simplified language and merging that with common events, like death and birth (life). Using, verbatim, the vocabulary that describe the laws of attraction in the textbooks was never my intention. This isn't a classroom setting and this isn't a scientific paper... it's a freestyle poem.

In that line you said I used a rhyme generator for I'm talking about "the fall" i.e. death and that it is a natural end that comes for everyone for the same set of reasons we were born from... life feeds off death. I admit it gets a little tricky and I could have worded it better but the next couple lines make that point pretty clear none the less -- death comes from the same set of circumstances that life comes from...

You're just not as smart as you think you are kiddo. Getting you to go on one of your long diatribes was kinda my goal. To steal your time because I know how seriously you take this and to waste it on someone who doesn't will inherently piss you off...

[Davidgeo]

… oh, and if you are going to reply, do it in your own review thread. There is no reason for Cherrie to have to be alerted to every response this pretentiously retarded little conversation we're having produces.

[JayG]

Sell something. Then I'll take you seriously.

What you miss is that I didn't respond to you. My initial response was meant for those who will read it and look up the word Prosody.

My following response allowed then to see you as the bad example that you are.

That you're posting your "poems," only as a troll was/is obvious. And with your response you just graphically demonstrated that to anyone who read it.

[Davidgeo]

Sell something? Ha... Did you really just say that? Wow. You must be a serious legend (in your own mind). You keep letting your ego fall for my traps. Even if I didn't know what prosody meant it's a quick and easy google search that provides a one sentence definition. I purposely gave you a distorted and incorrect interpretation of it to give you an opportunity to let your ego sound off in your typical pretentiously long winded needlessly convoluted way. And you did not disappoint. haha

You're not as respected as you think you are. Most people here think you're a pretentious joke with latent self esteem issues. Which is probably pretty accurate, otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to try so hard at something, and try so hard to sell yourself as something so inconsequential if you didn't crave so much ego boosting respect. And it's painfully obvious you don't really care about helping people, that's just a cover. You have to know that maybe three or four people are even going to read any of your comments on this poem. You're really here to boost your self esteem by seeming to be some kind of internet writing scholar. What you fail to realize is that this is just a social media site with hobby writing as it's theme. And whoever says "sell something. then I'll take you seriously." on a site like this is not very self aware.

By the way champ, I'm not here to be taken seriously as a writer. I'm not even very good, all I write is freestyle poetry. It's just something I do to kill time when I'm not in the real world. You know, that place you clearly don't live in.

hahahhahah "sell something. then I'll take you seriously." hahahha wow. You're an idiot.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Good morning gentlemen
I see the great debate lives on.

Poetry is more than the writers ability to mimic theory and technique.
Art is subjective not everyone will like our poetry and if we post it, we should allow the reader their turn to digest it.
Maybe the turest test of a poem is if the entire piece was consumed.
I've started 100's ( if not more) poems that I don't read past the first stanza.

[Davidgeo]

Yeah but, have you sold anything? It seems you can't be taken seriously if you haven't.

[Cherrie Palmer]

The good news is I don't care about those people. I write for me and take a chance and share it with you all.
Don't tell anyone but I have made a dime or two. :)

[Davidgeo]

Damn, looks like I'm the only one here without any credibility. I used to sell weed way back in my college days... does that count?

More seriously, I'm sorry you had to get notifications for this this bullcrap conversation. I tried to tell Jay "self published" G to start his own review thread but of course, since I've never sold anything, he couldn't take me seriously enough to do that. Thanks for your comments anyway, they brought a little common sense to this discussion.

[Cherrie Palmer]

You know I'm pretty sure you don't care about what others think.
You just have to let it go, it doesn't make your writing less if someone doesn't like it.

[Davidgeo]

That was never really the point with this particular discussion with this particular person. He's done this before and I've done this to him before, he's just too wrapped up in his self ascribed greatness to remember getting "triggered" into showing his truly pretentious colors in the past. It's a guilty pleasure of mine to play people like him in this fashion. I'm just sorry you had to be roped into it. The real reason he won't start his own review thread is that he doesn't want anything I write to get attention if he can help it, this dude is actually extremely petty like that on the regular. He didn't "accidently" leave his review under someone else's and he didn't "forget" to start his own review thread to keep the conversation between him and I. Like I said, this isn't the first time I've done this to him.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Yes I hear ya and I get that

[Davidgeo]

Don't fret, this won't be escalating or continuing any further. I've had enough fun and he's already showed the gross parts of his personality so I won't be responding to him with anymore than two or three word responses, if he replies again at all. I expect him to delete all his responses and pretend like this never happened like the last time about year and a half ago.

[JayG]

• I purposely gave you a distorted and incorrect interpretation of it to give you an opportunity to let your ego sound off in your typical pretentiously long winded needlessly convoluted way.
- - - - - -
Translation: Those grapes were probably sour, anyway.

Nice try. But what you said was what you meant when you wrote it. Now, you're trying to re-imagine it.

But since you're so certain you're doing things right and that I know nothing, let's see if that's true in the real world.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a poet, only knowledgeable in a few of the basics. But I posted one of mine tonight, and we'll let the members decide if they like it. It's not great, and there's a stanza consistency problem, but let's wait a week and see how many people respond positively to it, compared to the number here, or any of your posted poems you care to use as a benchmark.

And remember, YOU asked me to comment on this piece. Be careful what you wish for.

[Davidgeo]

Hush now Jay. You got setup to show the world your pretentious ego driven dumb assery, again. I'm very good at doing things like that, but, it's still pretty obvious you got bated and triggered intentionally. You can either let it go and move on, or, continue to say stupid s**t like "we'll let the members decide if they like it...compared to... any of your posted poems...". You don't seem to be aware of the fact that those things don't really matter, there is no single "right" way to write and reviews on a site like this does not make one a good or a bad writer. You really don't need to compare anything to my work, it's not a competition and my work isn't very good anyway. Just write for the sake of writing and stop pretending you're some big selling author who compare's views and reviews to someone else's for validation (ego is not your amigo). Do you still not see how petty, pathetic and straight up idiotic you sound when you say s**t like that? Your priorities are all kinds of fucked up. Now, I'm pretty much done with you for now. Have fun counting those positive reviews, I'm sure you will be very proud of yourself no matter how it shakes out.