Dead Before the End

full of laughter

in my gilded prison

full of indulgence

locked away

in pure ecstasy

on my road to numbness

always toasting

along the way

to the dying

before their death

on that road

to an ending

i watch and i watch

always enjoying

         that feeling

of becoming unfeeling

unknowingly becoming

sterile from watching

from controlling my outcome

becoming trapped

in enjoying a meaning

without meaning

trapped in a place

without consequence

from just enough experience

becoming lost

into something static

becoming empty

from taking only pleasure

from only fulfilled expectations

nullifying chance

guaranteeing my outcomes

i build my gilded prison

(this is not freedom)

and from this gilded prison

full of laughter

locked away

from the living

in the end

laughing

with no one

at nothing 

from a prison

dead alive

there is nothing

there is no one

before the end

i will die twice

Author's Note

Reviews

[Terra]

Your work is beautifully melancholy. It's that feeling of excitement and emptiness all at the same time. The anxiety to feel something and the depression of having felt nothing you've anticipated.

[Davidgeo]

The genuine realization that the world is not as we hoped it would be is the beginning of true thought and one of the differences between the very young of us and the very old of us. The one has not yet figured out how to save the other without tragedy.

[Terra]

Maybe some of us are born with tragedy in our blood.

[Davidgeo]

It's almost never the blood, it is almost always the environment. Be nice to your children.