self improvement is masturbation

it is very hard

to truly fix yourself

from the deep, inside

to polish out your edges

to mitigate the little faults

this must be a private war
this must be within yourself
all for yourself

all by yourself

to do the right thing
when no one else is looking

it can be very hard
to self motivate

without praise

or recognition

a handshake

or a high five

a 'congratulations'

or a fist bump

to change the inside

fundamental
all those little things

incidental 

that underlie, f*****g

everything

human about you

it can be so very hard
to truly fix yourself

like that. . .

to do the right thing
when no one else is looking

deep down inside

where all the little things

that make your fucked up self

from all the day to day mistakes

and all the s****y habits
you will not talk about

beyond yourself

what lies in there

deep inside 

are all the faults

we keep inside

that sink us all

deep down in there

drowned deep inside

among the little things
inconspicuous
often embarrassing

often trivial

lazy and stupid

our mini albatross' 

the things we do not speak of. . .

but all alone

know to well

and to change those things

private, secret and particular
requires a great strength

that only one individual 

could ever provide

in great self discipline

to break and make

your better version

is "all" it takes. . .

to make your ideal - breath life

and polish out the edges

all those little jagged ones

 that sink you

day to day

 week by week

month by month

that part of you 

that only you could know

 this it must, my darling dear

 be a very

very private war
 against yourself
 only for yourself
 only by yourself

to do the right thing
when no one else is looking

. . .can be very hard

to change all the little things

just like that

to self motivate till your mind

bleeds

all alone 

scabs over

and recovers. . .

it can be hell

in secret

a silent suffering

(but always worth the effort)

for most of the faults that sink us,

the ones that take the bigger pictures,

and smash them into a million pieces. . .
they always tend to lie 

in all the little things
inconspicuous
in all the stupid habits

deep within us
that always do embarrass us

just to think about

"self improvement is masturbation"

Tyler Durden 

(This is a poorly written poem.)

Author's Note

Reviews

[AYVID N]

It made more sense after watching the videos. Strikes me how alone we are in fighting these big and little battles, most of the time. Yet I’d say we don’t really need validation, do we? As it’s mostly for our own satisfaction and peace much like that unmentionable thing you mentioned in the concluding line :)
Not poorly written at all, I relate very well to it.

[Davidgeo]

We all need validation unfortunately. Some more than others but I believe we are all hard wired for social approval. It's in our genes. This site wouldn't exist without it, social media in general wouldn't exist without it. I'd like to go way back to the days when we painting caves in Chauvet or Lascaux and ask them why they did it, we may find a very similar reason but far more simply expressed. I really do think this poem is poorly written because it's too long and somewhat repetitive. But I love the idea and I'm too lazy to fix it right now.

I have to ask, have you not seent the movie "fight club"? You should watch that right now if you haven't already.

[AYVID N]

Of course. Quite a cerebral movie. Subscribed to Netflix recently. I’m going to try and watch it. Thanks. I really should watch more good movies.

[Davidgeo]

Good movies are where I steal most of my ideas from.

[AYVID N]

I know... and I like that you share the worthwhile stuff here. Some of us need that.

[Davidgeo]

Some people try and hide their sources/inspiration... I think that's needlessly absurd. All our favorite movies are based off of some other movie that was based off of some other book that was based off some other book that was based off some other whatever etc.. Humans in general haven't been original for thousands of years. Which isn't a bad thing - it's how we get better. Starting over from scratch every time is totally irrational. Use what your life shows you... make it better if you can.

[AYVID N]

Oh you’d be surprised at the stuff people hide. It’s hilarious. You won’t understand it, being you and neither do I ;)

[Davidgeo]

I don't understand it but I can always tell when they do it. "desperation is a stinky cologne" - super troopers.

[KWP]

oh man it's hard enough doing it on your own - then you have to throw society into the mix - we all liver own paradoxes, we all have our own anomalies - I had a thought today it went something like 'to walk close enough to get there but not far enough to want to stay' in essence keeping the balance - being human is a tricky mess - human behaviour leads us to our human experience. experience is what teaches us and gives us more awareness - the collective human awareness is pretty shite - the collective human experience is currently pointing the pin in the direction it chooses - we gotta take that s**t back and hand the power back to the indidviaul ... you made me think ... you know how I like that ;)

[Davidgeo]

Just remember to dance under the sun, never on it. You can't ever go wrong that way. (you might look like an a*s hat sometimes, but, that's part of the fun as far as I'm concerned)

[KWP]

Yesssd - perfect thought for my imperfect life 😊

[Ookpik]

I compare this to stoicism, which ironically is the philosophy I prefer most. You wrote it well too (despite the finale) and you're right, old habits die hard. I'm impressed man, not just giving you lip service this time.

[Davidgeo]

I appreciate that. Stoicism is an underrated school philosophical thought these days.

Still, It's too long and it's not aesthetically pleasing to read... I really like the idea but I fucked up the articulation of it.

[Ookpik]

Write it again down the road, there are some strong statements there that this day in age is severely lacking

[Davidgeo]

I think that's good advice. thanks kpik. It's good not to have an adversarial relationship with each other these days.

[Ookpik]

No problem Evan