House of Abandonment

i miss the parts
with you inside

i hate the notions
devoid of you

my thought machine
though,
    its f*****g cancerous
black hearted and malignant

 i cannot know happy

intimately 

 i cannot share love

indefinitely 

so i built for you. . .

something loathsome

just right for you
an awful sacrament

from the worst of me

it was my gift to you. . .

conviction

and surety 

an easier decision

with a clear conscious

and a clarity of emotions

so when you do drive away
you wont look back
you wont regret

you will move on forward

      with a fuller heart

       

this, my last gift to you
was that, the very worst of me

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Your lines were quite painful to read. An admittance of your failure to build a relationship that would last. Your gift to her, the very worse of you, ensuring that when she left, she wouldn't look back. Foot down and get the hell out of it. A hard parting. And yet, she left you with something softer. You miss her.

Chris

[Davidgeo]

Insightful review... thanks for reading.

[John the Baptist]

A somber one. The speaker is apparently aware of his self defeating tendencies but is also apparently unable to combat them. The last part of the poem is an effort make the bad behavior seem to be a gift to the departed partner. Sorry, but it sounds like rationalization.

[Davidgeo]

What are you apologizing for? This is about a psychological disorder sometimes called Reactive Attachment Disorder which later develops into what is sometimes informally referred to as an 'abandonment complex' later in life. The "speaker" is not an actual real live person, I'm just giving human emotion to a clinical disorder.