Blue Moon

sometimes you feel invincible

like the whole world is yours

other times even the little things

turn into mortal enemies

sometimes it becomes hard to care

about anyone, about anything

and then the apathy comes
and consumes your everything

and then the self defeat sets in

and further makes you weak

so very much so

that to simply bring yourself

to confront even the simple things

becomes near impossible

but you cannot show yourself

to be weak at all

and you cannot bring yourself

to express who you truly are

and then always and eventually . . .

it becomes too much to bear

so you close yourself off

and suffer deep inside

quietly

far away from things

from what you love

even from yourself 

and some days you feel
and some days you can't

and some days it's like. . .

you'd rather die

than even leave your bed

no matter what you are

no matter what you have

no matter what you've done

sometimes

it gets very hard

to just breath at all

to simply see yourself

as anything at all

and to truly open up

becomes the hardest thing

and to share that hurt 

feels near impossible

so sometimes you'd rather die 

than show you're weak inside

and some days you feel invincible

like the whole world is yours

and every single thing is easy

and some days you feel. . .

completely dead inside

that nothing matters

that it never did

that it never will

that you are now nothing

and you never were not

Author's Note

Reviews

[R.J Calzonetti (Siniste..]

I’ve experienced this highs and lows myself. It’s tough to just live some days, others, I’m on top of the world. Though this may be partially my bipolar disorder, and think it’s also quite natural. Every good day can only be good after experiencing a bad one. Pain makes you learn, makes you appreciate, not take things for granted. If I didn’t hate myself, I wouldn’t be able to love others.

I appreciate your incite.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks potatoes. Not a lot of people who genuinely suffer from depression ever talk or even write about. Most of the time it's just emo teenagers trying to sound deep when in reality they haven't a clue as to what their talking about. I'm glad you could identify with this.

[guy drori]

Wow! Yea, it's true, some days we feel one way and other days we feel entriely different. I like how you jumped from one feeling to the other

[Nicole_the_poet]

aww sad but some people do feel this way

[Davidgeo]

Lots and lots of people feel this way at some point in their lives. Most people don't like to admit it as it can be perceived as weakness... or at least they think other people perceive it as weakness. I think for the most part we all have far more in common with each other than we realize.

[AYVID N]

I know that almost morbid listlessness, the stiffness and the self loathing for no apparent reason, at times. There are lots of regrets about how I screwed up everything and curse myself for not being able to do it all over again. I usually feel this way more when I'm lonely and not so much when I'm in love with someone, when its mostly sunshine . Just how I'm relating to your words here, David.

[Davidgeo]

Regret and depression go hand in hand, they reinforce each other. But having good company to share your time with always mitigates even the worst parts of that. When you have someone you truly care about it makes you want to be a better person which reinforces a positive frame of mind. That's why only very rarely do you see severe depression within a happy couple. Though, some people do suffer from depression for biological reasons that nothing beyond medication will ever work for them. I think that's very rare though, most depression is because of environment and upbringing... but kinda like how certain types of psychopathic murderers were always going to be psychopathic murderers no matter what happens. Some people have brains that are genetically predisposed to find pleasure in some seriously fucked up s**t. Ted Bundy is a name that comes to mind in regards to that.

[AYVID N]

Interesting. I think most of the psychopaths may have had depression early on in their formative years. I find the tale of Jeffrey Dahmer very morbidly interesting. I read somewhere, he used to kill animals and keep them. For most of us though, this problem may be stemming from lack of emotional connections

[Relic]

I've had the mood swings before but never bad enough to want to hide away or remain in bed. I take care of an elderly father. I've been through things that made me scream inside, but I have no choice. I think the subconscience may play a big role in what you're describing.

[Davidgeo]

I think brain chemistry and life experience has more to do with it than the nebulous concept of the subconscious; brain chemistry and life experience is how the subconscious is formed. Carl Jung would be someone I think you'd enjoy reading. His writing is very insightful in terms of the subconscious and shadow self, among other things. I think it's fair to say he was better at his job than his mentor and eventual intellectual rival Sigmund Freud.

[Relic]

Life experience I can understand. What do you mean when you say brain chemistry?

[Davidgeo]

Genetic differences in how the brain is formed, what chemicals it is more sensitive to than others, and how those chemicals are produced and transported. Some people are prone to certain things; i.e. they are prone to secrete, produce and reuptake chemicals like acetyl choline, adrenaline, epinephrine, etc, etc, based on genetic differences on the cellular level... this has a massive effect on how a person reacts to stimuli. There are also significant differences in intelligence and tolerance of certain chemicals that is purely due to how the brain is constructed as a result of gene expression.... that's what I mean when I say brain chemistry.

[Relic]

Wow. I didn't think it went that deep. Thanks for the explanation. I'll be reading up on Jung and Freud soon. Thanks.

[Relic]

Oh yeah, sorry you're feeling so blue.

[Davidgeo]

You'll like Jung better. Freud's kind of a dick.

For a more contemporary view look a fellow named Jordan Peterson. He's also kind of a dick but he has the ability to express complex psychological concepts in a way people like you and I can actually understand. (for example, check out this short video of one his lectures...www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c9Uu5eILZ8 )

[Relic]

I will, thanks.