Oceans of Bipolar

from moment to moment
let me tell you how happy

and f*****g enraged i am

in regards to you

i'm so happy to see you
and i can't f*****g stand you

in between that

i want to kill myself

and live forever

and it's all your fault
that it's all my fault
because i have already had enough
and i need you more and more
as this always makes sense
if you can't think about it
like i can't think about it

so do ask me tomorrow 

about my irrational impulses

but don't ask me anything

as it's none of your business

i just want you to understand
and to leave me for now
so i can chase you forever

and not want anything to do with you

when i catch you

because i only want everything to do with 

you

but never

me

and my lovely monster

with my hideous love

making it all worthwhile

for not one f*****g reason

that ever made sense

(run)

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Extremes, from one end of the spectrum to the other. You gave a really good account of how this must feel, and right now I'm thinking, that must be hell to live with for anyone having to cope with that. From exhilaration to despair and back, from heaven to hell. I watched the video and although I couldn't decipher all the lyrics, I found the music both calming and stirring. Watching the grey ocean being replaced by vibrant colour, gave me a little understanding.

Chris

[Davidgeo]

It's a strange way to live. One would think that the extreme highs balance the extreme lows but that's just not how a good life is supposed to be lived over the long term. It has it's benefits though... but the lows can be so extreme that the highs end up seeming cheap.

[Chris Shaw]

I am left wondering how long the highs last before they slide into lows and vice versa

[Davidgeo]

For some the cycling between manic and depression can last months into years and in others they cycle by the day or even less.

Those with longer cycling times are generally more prone to self harm, substance abuse and a general inability to maintain personal relationships.

A full understanding of the mechnasims behind the length of time between and intensity of cycles is not currently available. There's tto many factors, to include but not at all limited to... individual brain chemistry, social environment, childhood history, other comorbid illness's and of course just plain old bad or good luck.

Treating and predicting anything involved with complicated cases of bipolar disorder is more of an art than a science.

[Chris Shaw]

What a rollercoaster existence. Thank you for explaining David. This poem, one of your best and has attracted more readers for you.

[Davidgeo]

It was my pleasure Chris.

[Delmar Cooper]

So for those who can’t easily understand the terms there are the examples. Some people call that illustration; I call it writing. But what do I know?

[Davidgeo]

I honestly am not sure what you know.

[Spookers]

I'm not bipolar, but I still feel this on an emotional level. It's sometimes how I feel when I break it off with someone. How, when you no longer want to be with them because you no longer feel the same for them, but you're so used to being with them that you feel empty when you're not with them anymore. And how, while you're separated, you desperately want to be with that person again, but once you get back together, you regret it and the cycle starts all over again. I am loving your poems more and more, and regretting that I am only just now starting to read them.

[Davidgeo]

I think that's a pretty accurate description of the end of a relationship right there; I think most people would agree that.

I appreciate the interactive feed back and I'm glad you like my poems. There not all winners but I try and hold the readers attention each time. Some of them are pretty bad though, don't be afraid to mention it when they are.

[Richard McLin]

This is my favorite of your writing at the time of this review. The back and forth between wanting, hating, loving, and not wanting is so painfully realistic. You have hit humanity on the head with a hammer that shows the truth of indecisiveness in all of us. Great, truly great piece of work.
-Richard

[Davidgeo]

That's high praise. Thank you Richard.

[MaximumFlight]

Beautiful, yet painful. A very accurate way of describing how bipolar disorder makes people feel or think. Great piece.

[Davidgeo]

Thanks maxflight. Glad you liked it and I hope it was illuminating in regards to the disorder. There is a lot of stigma that gets attached to personality disorders like that... it turns into a negative feedback cycle for a lot of those who suffer from it.

[AYVID N]

The dichotomy of love...it actually makes me think of the dichotomy of arterial and venous blood flowing to and from the heart. One oxygenates, the other hypoxiates. Doesn't love do much the same thing to the heart?

Everyone is free to walk away from something they don't understand and what perplexes them but is a thought to be spared for those who may never have meant for any of it to happen and will be equally as hurt, if not more?

Yet no pleas for any side. Whatever the fallout, a man has to do what a man has to do. Let others be.

A very fine poem on ambiguity in love, David ❤

[Davidgeo]

That's a pretty good analogy... one is nourishing while the other is pretty much empty and full of toxins yet they both originate from the same source and are fundamentally the same thing.

I'm glad you liked it. It's not a very happy or uplifting poem. I was worried it might be a little too dark.

[AYVID N]

To me, this poem is one of your greater literary offerings. It has a soul. I usually have to scrape my intellect with your writing. My review was an initial reaction to the poem as I read it first. Siince then I have gone back to it a few more times and its interesting how stunning it reads when one blots out the negative lines and then if one blots out the positive ones. In a twisted way, this is one of the greatest love poems I've ever read and that's saying something. And no, I'm not just stroking your feathers, I usually mean what I say, when I say it.

What I'm trying to hint at is the potential in you to write amazing, spell binding romance. Before you scream, I'm off...⚘

[Davidgeo]

Ever see a movie called 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'? You should watch it if you already haven't. I think you might find something very special in it.

[AYVID N]

Ok. Today evening....

[Rylee David]

Wow. Honestly this is so deep and I can feel the extreme hatred, and yet the longing. Not being able to make up your mind, the moment you thought your mind was made up.

[Davidgeo]

It's not the most pleasant thing to experience but sometimes it's the most pleasant thing to experience until it's not all over again. Thanks for review, I'm glad you liked it.

[Rylee David]

Of course!

[Neville]

Extreme opposites can both compel and constrain I guess, depending on the way the poles are set, they will either attract, or repel... Thoroughly enjoyed. Neville

[Davidgeo]

I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you for your comment.

[Neville]

Pleasure..