Ignoring Prudence

With mental gymnastics

Toward too many humans

For only my amusements

I have been this very terrible person

Ignoring my myriad mistakes

And every single thing looming

Proving me fluent in losing

And nothing but a f*****g nuisance

Annoying and breathing

As a stupid little human

Wasting all my good writings

Ignoring everything human

I have been this very terrible person

For nothing but amusements

For no one else but myself

I have been this very terrible person

Completely toxic and wholly self serving 

              I have been this 

    And I am finally ashamed of it

              And about that. . .

           I could not be happier

         

Author's Note

Reviews

[AYVID N]

This is me sometimes, this is you sometimes, this is everyone sometimes. Sometimes, it becomes too many times, and then we hurt. I've been a gargantuan arrogant a**hole too many times. Like the time I stopped speaking to and blocked a close friend who has terminal cancer just because I didn't like her whatsapping me too many times a day. She had to make peace when it should've been me. I think I need to follow my whims less ( as in appearing true to myself) and be more humane to people who need it. What gets me though is that we're still loved by many just the way we are. I wonder why.

I like the way this write makes no excuses for oneself.

[Davidgeo]

For the past 14 or so years every time the heat of summer comes it reminds my body of something and I've always felt a certain way because of it. For the first time since way back when, I feel okay. I feel like I used to always feel... my mind isn't predisposed for battle or confrontation. While the regret of my past still lingers and that isn't so pleasant I feel for the first time in a very long time like I'm honestly looking at myself and honestly existing with that. I've never felt more at peace within myself and that makes me happy in a way I didn't know I could still feel. The past few days have been the happiest I've been in well over a decade. I don't ever want to go back to what I was.

[AYVID N]

So happy you're happy. It matters.

What you feel now can't be placed by words. Just felt. And enjoyed.

On a sillier note. I'll miss the bad David. He's kinda cute :)

[Davidgeo]

Don't fret, I'll still be cutely fierce when I must. You'd have to kill me several times over before ever I lost that. I couldn't have wrote the above poem to begin with without that fierceness. That kind of honest self immolation is not for the feint of heart.

[AYVID N]

I admit, I wouldn't be able to do that in public, maybe to someone close in private, yes, but not here. I'm too scared to even contemplate how I may be viewed. You're merciless :)

[Davidgeo]

Aww... that's sweet of you to say. High praise indeed. I thank you. (but I bet you could do something similar if you wanted.... or had any sort of reason to do in the first place which I don't think you do or ever will)

[AYVID N]

I'm still processing all of it.. .

[LKBillips]

If we cannot hold ourselves accountable for our own wicked ways we are lost to the mindless flock that autopilots through life. Thanks for sharing.

[Davidgeo]

You've grasped the essence of this collection of words. I'd offer you a high-five but you're probably too far away. (virtual high 5 anyway)

[augustus]

Whatever you do in life - be yourself and be kind to others. Well written.

[Davidgeo]

Something like that. Thanks for your words Augustus my friend.

[KWP]

oh ya! and this is what I was talking about n my previous comment! you know I love Osho - he has a way of articulating stuff I contemplate in such a way that I am okay with everything. This above this process you talk about - It is a step to wonderful understanding. Thing is, we have the whole universe within us and because of this we have everything within us - the love the hate, the anger, the fear the all ... we are taught not to put too much thought into what we perceive as the negative aspects of ourselves, but t is that thought and those negative aspects that help us to learn and grow. Aside from the emotional theres also the physical - we are taught that bdsm is not the right way - but who says - and it is only when we explore bdsm we can truly form an opinion of it and truly form our own deeper understanding of it (right now I am thinking of your porn hub poem) and once you delve in and understand it, well, then you can level up and move on ... onwards and upwards - or, as they say in Bujinkan - Keep Going!

Thanks for making me think of Osho - I will go and read more of his 112 meditations tonight - in actual fact Osho in some circles was very controversial - but - I am happy to say - I think I got him. Free!

[Davidgeo]

Not all understanding will be wonderful. Some will be darker than you ever thought. But the relentless pursuit of it, the honest pursuit of understanding is the essence of the human spirit I think... and that is how one does not succumb to the poison's of stagnation and to the comfort and self deceit of rationalization. Some people meditate to find themselves, some work themselves nearly to death, some drown in chemicals... there are so many ways... I've tried so many of them but none of them showed me anything I didn't already know was there. So now I've chosen the road of self immolation... and what's left after the fire has shown me things I didn't know I had. And it's not so bad actually. I figured it'd be awful, but, most of it actually has been quite wonderful in a strange but familiar way. Some of it though, has been f*****g terrifying. None the less... yes indeed - onwards and upwards.


(osho is quite wonderful, bdsm can also be quite wonderful... I knew you liked Osho, didn't know about the bdsm though.... ha. perv)

[Onlyme]

Comes to us all a some point in life. Being stupid and an a*****e to ourselves, first and foremost. And then reflection it onto others afterwards. Because we simply could not see that we were at fault first and foremost.

[Chris Shaw]

People who are at peace with themselves, don't act in that way, so I say that self awareness is a good thing. If this is truly a self confessional, then that takes courage to splash that across the page. Mental gymnastics is not my scene. As a poet, I am not in any way trying to compete on an intellectual level, I write because I love writing, for no other reason. I try and reach out to everyone, but many people do not enjoy the possibility of confrontation and will run in the opposite direction. You can write some good stuff (even though I often have to look it up first to find out what you are talking about). I read you, but do not always respond.

Chris

[Davidgeo]

Mental gymnastics in this context don't really have to do with competition... it's more about self delusion and/or the manipulation of others in that context.

I read you too... but like you, I don't always respond. If I don't have a genuine review to leave I feel it cheapens the whole thing.

That being said, I always do enjoy when you do leave a review. You're a very clever and insightful women... one of those who objectively make this site a better place I think.

[Chris Shaw]

What a lovely thing to say. Thank you.